"Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry."
We're off to Chicago for the wedding of Dave and Emily & I'm so excited!!!
I'm so excited because:
- My husband and I have known Dave's parents since college, almost 40 years now. Yikes! They're dear friends, and I'm so thrilled to be able to celebrate this wonderful wedding.
- Our kids are friends, even though they grew up in different cities and my oldest son and daughter-in-law will be there to celebrate, too.
- We are all still friends with a number of couples who all graduated within a few years of each other--who got married right out of college, and through incredibly good luck are all still married. For most of us, this is our 36th wedding anniversary. Yikes!
- Dave and Emily are an extraordinary couple-soul mates for certain. Smart, talented, warm, adventurous and bound to make wonderful contributions to the world.
- Friendship Rules!
In honor of their wedding I did a little thinking about what I've learned after 36 years of marriage.
- Laugh a lot, touch a lot, show affection & give each other compliments! It's the WD-40 of marriage.
- When your spouse asks for your help or needs you to show up--Do it!
- When your spouse needs to talk--Listen.
- When it's important to speak your mind--Speak up.
- Know when it's important to keep quiet.
- Cut each other some slack.
- Learn to dance.
- Get into the habit of taking walks-it's the best time to talk.
- Make time for activities you do together.
- Make time for activities you do on your own.
- Laugh a lot. It bears repeating.
- Cook together.
- Stay healthy for each other.
- Be wonderful to each others parents.
Favorite advice from Meg Tufano.
- Listen to your spouse. Shut up and listen, every day, for at least a half hour a day. Ask pertinent questions. Remember the answers. Keep notes if necessary. Your children depend on your relationship with your spouse. Make sure your marital relationship is solid and your kids will be fine. (For men: if your wife is looking miserable, ask her to tell you what’s wrong and keep asking until she spills her guts. WHATEVER it was, it will no longer make her miserable because she has talked about it with you. This is the magic key to making women happy. Flowers are always nice too!.
- Rest. Sundays are good if only because other people may be doing the same thing. But any day is fine. Rest is essential to everything else you care about. Without rest, the fragility of your life will be front and center; with rest, you have a savings account of energy from which to draw to help out others. Make it religious in the sense you ALWAYS take rest at least once a week.
My Wish for the Two of You.
- Outrageous & memorable adventures
- Wonderful friends
- Good health
- Work that you're passionate about
- Enough of life's challenges to make you stronger, wiser, and kinder
- Kids who are above average, sleep through the night, are easy-going and lots of fun
- The gift of balancing your life, your work and your family
- Enough money to feel both secure and generous. Not so much that you become out-of-touch & spoiled.
- The knowledge that it's your friends, family & experiences that will bring you your greatest joys. Invest your time and money accordingly.