Happy Healthy Long Life

Radiolab's Ultimate Valentine's Day Mix. The Sound of Love Aboard the Voyager, Two Marriage Proposals, a Record, an 8mm Movie, and an Audio-Cassette

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Yesterday morning as I was about to leave the house I heard the last 2 minutes of an NPR Valentine story that sounded like a love story with a cosmic/scientific twist.

Something about compressing the impulses of the brain and nervous system of a person "newly in love", and then putting that sound on a record and hurtling it out into space--a billion miles away--to one day be discovered by another civilization.  What?

The story ended with narrator Renee Montagne almost speechless, saying:  "Gosh that is so romantic.  I mean...your brain and body in love, hurtling through the cosmos for the next billion years."

I had to know "the rest of the story".

So, with a little hunting I found this Valentine story of love, and outer space, and this tiny gold record that is the ultimate sound mix of love: the sound of a kiss, a mother's first words to her newborn child, music from all over the world, Mozart, Beethoven, greetings in 59 different languages (Bonjour, Shalom), a "hello" from the children of planet Earth, and even non-human language--the greetings of the humpback whale.

As Ann Druyan, the creator of this cosmic mix that's aboard the Voyager says, "And it was a sacred undertaking, because it was saying we want to be citizens of the cosmos.  We want you to know about us.

                               

The 12-inch gold-plated records contain greetings in 59 languages, samples of music from different cultures and eras, and natural and human-made sounds from Earth. One record is currently 16.89 billion km from Earth, the other is over 13 billion km away.

To hear and see everything on these golden records--that are still hurtling through space, click here.

For a montage of Sagan and Druyan's golden record--aka Carl & Annie's Earth Guide for Aliens, watch the video below.  If you aren't seeing it on the screen, just click here.

Ann Druyan and Carl Saga circa 1977

A Valentine Story.  Carl Sagan and Ann Druyan's Ultimate Mix Tape

by Soren Wheeler and Jad Abumrad  click here for the NPR site

My suggestion:  Listen to the story.  Hearing Annie Druyan tell it herself beats reading it--hands-down!

This is a love story. And, oddly enough, it starts with an interstellar space mission and a golden record.

Toward the end of the summer of '77, NASA launched two spacecraft as part of the Voyager Interstellar Mission. On board each craft was a golden record that included, among other things, the sound of a kiss, a mother's first words to her newborn child, music from all over the world, and greetings in 59 different languages. The spacecraft were designed to take close-up pictures of Jupiter and Saturn, then continue into the great expanse of space beyond our solar system. The records on board were meant to survive for a billion years, in the hope that some day, against enormous odds, they might cross paths with an alien civilization.

So how do you decide what to put on the ultimate mix tape of the human experience? What do you do if you have one shot at describing humanity to an unknown life form? That was the charge of Carl Sagan — astronomer, astrophysicist and famed popularizer of science. Of course, Sagan had a lot of help, including the creative director of the project, Ann Druyan.

It was a chance to tell something of what life on Earth was like to beings of perhaps 1,000 million years from now," Druyan says. "If that didn't raise goose bumps, then you'd have to be made out of wood."

For Druyan, though, the summer of 1977 and the Voyager project carry a deeply personal meaning, too. It was during the Voyager project that she and Sagan fell in love.

After searching endlessly for a piece of Chinese music to put on the record, Druyan had finally found a 2,500-year-old song called "Flowing Stream." In her excitement, she called Sagan and left a message at his hotel. At that point, Druyan and Sagan had been professional acquaintances and friends, but nothing more. But an hour later, when Sagan called back, something happened. By the end of that call, Druyan and Sagan were engaged to be married.

"We both hung up the phone, and I just screamed out loud," says Druyan, "It was this great eureka moment. It was like a scientific discovery." The first of the Voyager project's two spacecraft launched on Aug. 20, 1977. Druyan and Sagan announced their engagement two days later. They married in 1981, and were together until Sagan's death in December 1996.

But the evidence of their love has taken on a life of its own. Not long after that serendipitous phone call, Druyan had an idea for the record: They could measure the electrical impulses of a human brain and nervous system, turn it into sound, and put it on the record. Then maybe, 1,000 million years from now, some alien civilization might be able to turn that data back into thoughts.

So, just a few days after she and Sagan declared their love for each other, Druyan went to Bellevue Hospital in New York City and meditated while the sounds of her brain and body were recorded.

According to Druyan, part of what she was thinking during that meditation was about "the wonder of love, of being in love." And the gold records? They're still out there with their offer, to whomever might stumble across them, of a human body newly in love.

"Whenever I'm down, " says Druyan, "I'm thinking: And still they move, 35,000 miles an hour, leaving our solar system for the great open sea of interstellar space."

Story postscript:  In 1990 Carl Sagan convinced NASA to turn the Voyager around after Pluto, before it ventured into empty space, and take one last picture of our galaxy.   And what was that day?  Valentines' Day!

What Would Go Into Your Valentine's Day Mix?

After listening to Annie and Carl's story I'm thinking about the 8mm home movie mix and the accompanying audio-cassette musical mix my husband played for me in December 1970 when he proposed. 

I really want to see it again!  The 8mm movie was converted to a videocassette many years back--but now we no longer have a videotape player.  And the audio-cassette which was filled with the music of the Moody Blue's and who knows what else from 40 years ago just might be buried in a box in our attic--or not.  Hope it didn't get pitched when my husband cleaned out the attic 2 months ago.

Right now my husband is in Honduras doing volunteer dental work.  He returns late tomorrow night--on Valentine's Day.  I hope I can dig up that video and audio-cassette--or was it an 8-track tape?

Now that would be some Valentine's Day gift!

And I almost forgot, this sage advice comes from Rhett Ellis' wacky book, How I Fell in Love with a Librarian and Lived to Tell About It:

"We've all got our good and bad sides.  If you want to find love and joy in this lifetime you've got to live by mercy.  Focus on the best in people and ignore all the bad that you can ignore.  It's really that simple."

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Best Advice--Stay Away From the Chocolates (nah, go ahead, it's just one day)

The Healthy Librarian's Top Picks for Healthy Holiday Gifts

This week I received a pre-holiday email from MD Anderson Cancer Center at the University of Texas.

It said:  "Share the Health: M.D. Anderson's Holiday Gift Guide - This holiday season, experts at M.D. Anderson encourage shoppers to purchase gifts that offer health benefits for recipients."

If you get receive this blog via email, click here to get to the web-version

It was a pretty good list:

1. Gym membership - they recommend 30 minutes a day to lower the chance of getting cancer
2. Active gear for kids - they say kids need 60 minutes a day of activity to lower their risk of getting cancer as adults
3. Dark chocolate - look for at least 65% cacao - and boxes with small serving sizes--all you need is 1 ounce a day to get a daily shot of delicious antioxidants
4. Green tea sampler - studies show that green tea antioxidants protect against cancer by stopping cancer cells from growing.
5. Fruit of the month club - tons of antioxidants and plant chemicals that help the body fight cancer.
6. Steamer - cook vegetables without oil or butter and eliminate extra fat and calories, and encourage the likelihood of getting 5-9 servings of fruit and vegetables a day.
7. Sun protective clothing - look for UPF clothing for an easy & reliable way to get sun protection that lasts through many washes - for runners, gardeners, or anyone who spends a lot of time outdoors

But I got to thinking.  I've got plenty of good gift suggestions to add to this list. 

Great gifts of health that I've received.  Great gifts of health that I've given to others.  Great gifts of health that I've bought for myself.  So here goes.

The Healthy Librarian's List of Favorite Healthy Holiday Gifts

In no particular order:

1. Vitamix 5200 - I've written about this so much, I'm even boring myself--but there is no denying that it's one of the best ways you can ensure that you eat 7-9 fruits & veggies a day.  We use it everyday to make green smoothies, to instantly blend vegetable soups, to make humus, fruit sorbet, or even Tal Ronnen's cashew cream.  Honestly, you can't compare its power to a blender's.  And clean-up is a breeze!  We've given Vitamixes to each of our kids for a 1-gift-fits-all Chanukah, Birthday, & Anniversary/Apartment-warming present.  It's a "BIG" gift--as in a $400-$450 gift!--but I can't think of any better "gift of health" for someone you love!  To read more, click here, here, here. Told you I can run off the mouth on this!
2. Exercise heart rate monitor - My husband gave me my first Polar F6 Heart Rate monitor 3 years ago.  Now they have a women's model that fits my skinny wrist better.  This is one of the best gifts I've ever gotten.  Honestly, I don't like to exercise without it.  It lets me know if I'm working hard enough--or too hard.  It keeps me in aerobic range, counts the calories I've burned, and keeps track of my weekly workouts.  It's just plain motivating, and you can set it up to reflect your age, weight, sex, and your exercise abilities.  Retail $119, but you can probably find it for $100.  Don't skimp--buy Polar.  To read more click here and here.
3. IPOD Nano - I love my 2 year old Nano, but the newest version rocks.  Not only can you download 8GB of music, audiobooks or podcasts, you can shoot and store 8 hours of beautiful video. If that weren't enough--it now has an FM radio that lets you pause it midway, and then return to listen to up to 15 minutes of what you missed.  How is a Nano a gift of health?  It makes solitary exercise fun and great music is motivating.  Not to mention that music can be used as medication--violins instead of Vicodin.  Check out this NPR story.  Click here.  (thanks for the tip, Les) Retail: $149, but they're cheaper at Costco.  Click here and here to learn more.
   
4. Calphalon One Infused Anodized 7-Quart Sauteuse with Lid - This is one of the best gifts I-never-knew-how-much-I-needed-it-until-I-got-it!  It's a beautiful 7 quart, 15" wide, 3" deep lidded pan that you can use on the stovetop, in the oven, or under the broiler.  It's perfect for dinner-sized stir-fries, sauteing vegetables, making any one pot veggie concoction, and it works for just about any dinner recipe I'm making.  My husband just made the best potato latkes, ever, in this pan. It's large enough to hold all the ingredients without spilling over the sides! And it's safe with metal utensils, too.  Cost is about $99.  Click here for more info.
5. Hot-Air Popcorn Popper - This is so 70's, but I recently bought one for $20 (with a coupon) at Bed, Bath, & Beyond.  It has completely satisfied our need for a salty crunchy evening snack.  Thanks go to my husband, who has perfected a "genius" method of adding flavor to this fat-free snack.  Here's the deal: Use a giant bowl with a lid, and as the popcorn starts filling the bowl, spray it with about 4 or 5 sprays of olive or canola oil.  When finished give a few good shakes of popcorn salt--which is super-fine & sticks to the popcorn.  Cover the bowl, and give it a good shake.  You eliminate all the chemicals found in microwave popcorn--and it's done in 1/2 the time.  We pop 1/2 cup of kernels at a time--but I'm thinking that 1/4 cup would probably work better if your bowl isn't gigundo!  Click here for more info.
6. Phillips Sonicare Flexcare 2 Handle Toothbrush All-in-one Sanitizing Charging and Storing Unit - OK, I admit it, who wants to get a toothbrush for a gift?  But, once you use this toothbrush, you'll understand its value in keeping your teeth--and more importantly--your gums in tip-top shape.  There is no way can you manually brush your teeth as well or as long as the oscillating Sonicare can.  Set it to Max mode, and it goes for 3 very long minutes.  The best part: it comes with a built-in ultra-violet light sanitizer that kills up to 99% of E. Coli & streptococcus Mutans, not to mention assorted cold viruses.  If you store your toothbrush in the bathroom--and your toilet lid is up--a closed sanitizer is a plus! It also includes a handy travel charger & case--perfect for when you leave town.  Geeky, yes!  But it's healthy.  I'm getting all A's on my dental report card since using the Sonicare.  Cost is about $140 with a Bed, Bath, and Beyond coupon.  Click here for more info.
7. Olive Tap Flavored Vinegars - This Chicago-based company makes fabulous specialty flavored olive oils and vinegars.  Since I try hard to cut back on oil, I'm recommending their vinegars.  I discovered this company at my hospital's weekly Farmer's Market.  Their booth seems to have the longest line.  What do you do with flavored vinegars?  They are fantastic on salads, pasta, or vegetable dishes with their deep & rich taste.  They are thick and not acidy tasting.  A sample of their 22 flavors: Sicilian Lemon Balsamic, Tangerine Balsamic, Cinnamon Pear Balsamic.   Add a dash of one of their flavored olive oils, too.  Cost: $14.50 a bottle.  click here for all 22 specialty vinegars.
8. Gourmet Cocoa Powders for Hot Chocolate - Cocoa is loaded with healthy flavanoids that will lower inflammation, blood pressure, and improve arterial function--with the added plus that it's fat-free. My all-time favorites are: Scharffen Berger Natural Cocoa Powder (click here) and Ghiradelli Chocolate All Natural Unsweetened Cocoa Click here)  Both cocoas are made without alkaki--meaning they are non-dutched--which is a good thing--because it preserves the phytochemicals.  Hot Chocolate is great evening snack, and if you don't want cow's milk, make it with soy, hazelnut, or almond milk.  Cost: $5.95-$9.95
   
9. Games for your brain, and for belly laughs.  Bananagrams.  I learned about this game from my daughter-in-law who's a word game maven.  This one won the TOTY 2009 Best Game award.  It's a fast and fun word game, that will get you thinking in new ways--and it exercises your brain.  It's actually recommended for use as a brain workout. Kids love it.  Adults love it.  As far as I'm concerned, it beats Scrabble hands down. Cost: about $15.00   Click here to learn more.  Last Word.  This is a fast fun easy-to-learn game, that works as well for 2 players as it does for 8.  I've played it with just my husband.  I've played it with a group--and we had a blast!  It's a word game that's not intimidating--or will make anyone feel left out.  Anyone can win--because when the random timer goes off--whoever said the "Last Word" wins.  Even the usual non-game players in my family enjoyed this one.  Cost:  about $20.00. Click here to learn more.
10. My Favorite Vegan/Vegetarian Cookbooks

• The Conscious Cook:  Delicious MEATLESS recipes that will CHANGE the WAY you EAT. by Tal Ronnen. So far everything I've made from this cookbook has been delicious.  But, definitely cut the fat in half! "The Conscious Cook shows readers that avoiding the health risks and ethical dilemmas of eating meat and dairy does not mean sacrificing taste and appetite. This is not a cookbook of sprouts and tofu burgers, but of mouth-watering, hearty meals that keep the protein at the center of your plate."  Read my review here.

• Clean Food:  A Seasonal Guide to Eating Close to the Source.  With more than 200 recipes for a healthy and sustainable you. by Terry Walters.  From NPR's Top 10 Cookbooks for 2009:  "Recent years have seen more and more vegan cookbooks hitting the mainstream, and this one bristles with crossover charisma. Sure, there are a few ingredients your average omnivore will never buy — the ume plum vinegar, the agar powder, to name two — but in a year when there was no other significant vegetable book, Clean Food excels: You could call it a graduate course in meatlessness."   Arranged by season, focusing on what's available seasonally--This winter I'm ready to try Spicy Coconut Pumpkin Soup and Goodness Soup--a pumped-up version of mushroom barley soup with hulled barley, lentils & beans. Lots of new-to-me background information on the healthiest of ingredients, and the best ways to cook beans and grains.  Walters explains why grains can be difficult to digest--and how to fix that problem by soaking them and cooking them with a little kombu--a sea vegetable.
  

• Raw: the UNcook Book.  New Vegetarian Food for Life.  I recently received this book as a gift and it's unlike any cookbook I have--of course--it's raw!  Juliano has a famous San Francisco restaurant--and having recently sampled some raw dishes, I'm ready to give it a whirl.  It's definitely going to be a cooking adventure.  Juliano is a big fan of sprouting seeds for their superior nutritional value (and after writing about broccoli sprouts--I'm ready to give it a try),  and dehydrating food.  Not to worry--a low oven (150 degrees) can substitute for a dehydrator. Those who have tried his recipes are raving.  Read more here.

• Any Jeanne Lemlin cookbook.  Lemlin's books are my go-to source for never-fail-always-delicious soups, salads, and main dishes.  They're vegetarian, so if you are eating vegan, just substitute ingredients.  My favorites are: Simple Vegetarian Pleasures.  Quick Vegetarian Pleasures.  Vegetarian Classics.  They are all still in print.  Click here to read more

   11.  Slow-cooker/crockpot - This is my new favorite appliance for healthy food prep. It's fantastic for making overnight rib-sticking-healthy steel cut oatmeal.   Mix up the ingredients before you go to sleep, and wake up to a kitchen filled with the cinnamon nutmeg scent of delicious oatmeal.  You can make enough for 2-6 servings, and refrigerate the rest for easy-peasy-just-take-it-to-work-and-heat-it-up-oatmeal.  And don't forget that crockpots make it so easy to cook your own beans, soups, and chilis. No more worries about BPA-lined cans.  Cost: About $15.00 for a 3 quart cooker.  Click here for my recipe for overnight fruited steel-cut oatmeal.  Click here for the BPA in cans report.

  12. A book or CD about meditation - I asked my husband what he would add to the list and he said, "Definitely a book or CD to learn meditation."  Want something easy, straightforward, and non-sectarian?  Try The 8 Minute Meditation: Quiet Your Mind--Change Your Life.  by Victor Davich.  for info on the book or guided meditation CD click here.

I know you all have some great suggestions to add to the list.  Please let me know what would be on your favorite healthy gift list!

Prepping for Thanksgiving - Ellen Goodman's Wisdom, Cooking a Turkey with Vegan Sides, the Helpful Husband, and High Chair Clean-Up

Real Life Adventures-Gary Wise & Lance Aldrich

"I'm hardly a Pollyanna about family life.  I know about the stress of the sandwich generation, trying to be all things to all bosses, parents, children, spouses.

I know that every family has troubles.  At some time or other, in some light or other, we all look dysfunctional.  But the fact is that most of us are functioning.  And loving."

-Ellen Goodman, "The Functional American Family",  The Boston Globe, November 24, 1994-

I have no business taking time off to write a Thanksgiving post--but right now I need a break from shopping, cooking, and scrubbing down a hand-me-down highchair--ick!  

OK, I cannot tell a lie--my husband handled the highchair clean-up duties--thank goodness!  And, he took care of the crib assembly--which now looks like it needs to be disassembled in light of massive of crib recalls. Oh well!

But my real reason for posting--I just love this cartoon & I want an excuse to use it.

Actually, I'm basically chilling this Thanksgiving--even though the gang is coming in from New York City, St. Louis, Cincinnati, and Pittsburgh.  The first guests arrive on Tuesday night.  Very late.  Midnight late.

Everyone is pitching in this year.  My husband did the bulk of the grocery shopping.  Poor guy had never experienced the Thanksgiving rush, and was clueless where to find "meatless" meatballs, Wheat-a-Bix, toasted pecan pieces, Lemonaise, currants, Larabars, red pepper spread, and more. 

His first call to me at work with "grocery location questions" was all jokes & laughter.  By the fourth call--this time I was away from my desk--he'd about had it. 

Here's the voicemail message he left me:  "I don't know where anything is.  There's no one to ask and if I don't hear back in 5 minutes, you're on your own with the shopping!"

In the end, he found almost everything--without my help.  On my way home from work, I picked up what he had missed.

Cleaning a Farm Fresh Turkey is a Great Reason to Eat Vegan

This year I got a pastured organic Kosher turkey from a nearby farm, about 7 miles from where I live.  Who knew what a project cleaning a "farm fresh" turkey would be?  

There's the rinsing, the pin feather-plucking--with my husband's tweezers--then ruining my knife trying to cut off the neck--the awkward seasoning maneuvers trying to turn a wet slippery 20 pound turkey.  Not my idea of fun.

Washing my hands about 20 times--every time I needed to open a drawer, a cabinet, sprinkle salt, pepper, paprika, rosemary, turn on the faucet, get a pot holder, open the oven--there has to be an easier way!

And the clean-up:  the grease, the raw turkey juices, the sanitizing of the sink, the counters, the cutting board. Who knew that easy grease-free clean-up turns out to be a good reason to eat plant-based?

Glad it's done.  All cooked, quartered, and in the freezer.

Except for the Turkey--the Gracious Guests are All Cooking Vegan

• Nephew Josh--a professional chef at La Via Vite--is bringing Red Pepper Bisque, and instead of cream he's using Tal Ronnen's cashew cream.  Click here for the cashew cream recipe.
• My sister--a professional baker--is baking a Vegan Chocolate Cheesecake, out of the November, 2009 Gourmet Magazine.  Click here for the recipe.  She's also cooking up a vegan version of an Oatmeal Crust Apple Tarte Tatin.

• My husband is making Tal Ronnen's Whipped Chipotle Sweet Potatoes and Martha Rose Shulman's fresh Cranberry Orange Relish.  Click here for the sweet potato recipe.  Click here for the cranberry recipe.

• Niece Anna is making vegan Mashed Potatoes.
• Niece Jamie is making a vegan vegetable tart.
• My kids are making maple-roasted Brussels sprouts with shallots, traditional stuffing, and setting the table.  They just don't know it yet.
• Is this going to be a low-fat healthy Thanksgiving?  Probably not.  But it's a special day!
• As for me--I'm sure I'll find something to do--like playing with my grandbaby.

Ellen Goodman's Wisdom.  "The Functional American Family", The Boston Globe, November 24, 1994

As it always happens, last week I randomly came across this ever-so-wise fifteen-year-old Thanksgiving column written by Boston Globe writer, Ellen Goodman.  I'd give you the link to it, but none exists. 

For everyone who is busy getting ready for Thanksgiving company, take a minute to savor this memory of preparing for a family homecoming.   Listening to the news, you'd think we're all in dysfunctional families.  Ellen disagrees with that assessment:

"I am up to my elbows in Thanksgiving prep when the phone rings. There are macadamia nuts to the right of me, pecans to the left. Flour and eggs are wrestling in my mixing bowl.

I reach for the phone, cradling it between my ear and my shoulder and hear the voice of a television producer. She wants to know whether I might be available to comment on the decline and fall of the American family. A story for the season.

As I stand there, covered in batter, she rattles off the horrific list of stories that make her case. The South Carolina mother who drowned her children. The 19 toddlers found in a squalid Chicago apartment without food or clothes. The Pittsburgh couple who took off for two weeks without warning, abandoning three kids to teen-age babysitters.

I listen to this familiar litany with an equally familiar sense of gloom, and then I decline. I'm sorry, but this afternoon, I promised to visit my mother. Tomorrow, the cousins are coming from California. The next day is our wedding anniversary. Tuesday, the young adults we call "the kids" are arriving. And there is a crisis in the care of an aged aunt.

I hang up the phone, wiping pastry dough from my hair and savoring the irony that flavored this exchange. The irony of being too busy with family to comment on its breakdown.

Folding in the last ingredients of my much-too-elaborate recipe, the annual proof of Stewart's (as in Martha) Disease, I wonder how many of us live with this duality. We are convinced that the great amorphous, generic American family is falling apart. At the same time we are occupied with family maintenance.

All year, I have heard a steady drumbeat of despair about "family values." The overwhelming majority of Americans agree - 98 percent in one recent poll - that other people are not living up to their commitments. Yet in the same poll only 18 percent believe they're irresponsible themselves.

Everywhere I go, when people talk about what they value, the topic is their family. The coin of the conversational exchange between friends and even strangers is the state of their parents, their children, their spouses.

In our daily lives, we work at and for family. At 4 o'clock in the morning, when we worry, it's about our family.

Today, we have higher demands on ourselves as the parents of growing children and longer demands as the children of aging parents. But every morsel of evidence of success - did you read that 8 out of 10 high school juniors and seniors list parents as the people they trust? - comes lost in a survey of family woes.

What do we make of this duality? I wish the producer had asked me that. Some of it comes perversely from the very struggle to do a good job. The harder most of us try, the angrier we are at those who don't and at the price society pays.

But we are also reeling from something akin to negative advertising about the American family. The horror stories that make the front page, because they are so extraordinary, have slowly begun to be accepted as ordinary.

The radio talk shows, the Limbaughs and Liddys, provide an endless stream of antigovernment messages. But the Jenny Joneses and Montel Williamses, and the Sally Jessy Raphaels  present an unbroken stream of pathological families.

On any day, we can channel surf across this electronic byway from murderous mothers to husband-stealing sisters to proud mothers of teen-ager strippers. If Norman Rockwell's Thanksgiving family were on the air, grandpa would be a child molester, grandma a recovering drug abuser and the kids would bear sexually transmitted diseases. The abnormal is the norm.

I'm hardly a Pollyanna about family life. I know about the stress of the sandwich generation, trying to be all things to all bosses, parents, children, spouses.

I know that every family has troubles. At some time or other, in some light or other, we all look dysfunctional. But the fact is that most of us are functioning. And loving.

Somewhere along the way Americans have lost a sense of proportion. We've come to believe that I'm OK, but you're not, and that thing called The American Family is most certainly not.

This Thanksgiving Day has always been been more about family than food. It's the time when Americans travel through airports, highways, ZIP codes, in order to squeeze around the family table and discover how many adults can sit on a piano bench.

Standing in my kitchen, covered in homebaked proof of my holiday excess, I wonder if those of us who are connected by bonds of DNA, marriage, affection and above all else, commitment, can forget for a while that we're supposed to be falling apart."

Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone!

Wishing You a Happy Healthy Long Life! Rosh Hashanah 5770 Wishes for a Fruitful New Year

Thanks to Fran for sharing this fruitful greeting with me.  Thanks to the clever person who designed it in the first place!

Whether this is your New Year or not, this is my wish for you:

May You Enjoy Your Apples and Honey...



May You FInd It Easy to Give and Receive



May You Know When To Surrender And Do So With Grace...

May You Remember That Some People's Lives Are Parched and Dry...And Be Grateful For The Abundance in Yours....

May You Find Beauty In Unexpected Places...



May You Carry Your Loads With Ease And Sweetness...



May You Learn And Teach Well...



May You Move With As Much Joy And Ease As You Can...



May Your Home Be Filled With Fresh Air And Light...




May Your Tense And Angry Times Be Short-Lived....



So That You Come Back Quickly To Your Old Comfortable Self...



May You Be Startled And Delighted By New Beginnings...



May You Find Your Uniqueness...



May You Play With Friends...



And Hear Beautiful Music...



May You Come To The Surface For Air When You Need It...



May You Take Exquisite Care Of Yourself...



And May Everything That Hurts You, Also Be A Little Funny...



Wishing You All A Fruitful 5770!!

After a Year of Change, a Summer of Road Trips and House Guests, I Discovered Kelly Corrigan's Transcending Words of Wisdom

Where has the summer gone?  Wondering why my posts have been so few & far between?

This has definitely been The Amazing Summer of Road Trips and House Guests.  Sandwiched in between going to work.

Since June we've clocked in 21 days on the road visiting friends and family in New York City, DC and Cincinnati--and of course, celebrating the birth of our first grandson.

Followed by 13 days of hosting New York City, DC, Cincinnati & Florida family.

Winding it all up with a 9 day road trip to Kiawah Island, SC.

 

Fourth of July in DC

A Few of Our Summer Visitors

 

Exploring Brooklyn Botanical Garden

 

The V-Spot in Park Slope Brooklyn

 

Summer in Brooklyn

Cincy Weekend with My Sis & B-I-L

 

My B-I-L's Mom Sylvia at 94.  She's Amazing!

The Mystery House Guest. The Mouse Child. Who Nibbled on the Figs?

A week ago my husband and I took off for Kiawah Island, South Carolina.  It was the perfect ending to the summer. 

If you want to reset your brain--de-stress--Kiawah is the place!  It's nothing but sunshine and miles of pristine uncrowded beaches and bike paths--jumping waves, boogie boarding, bike hikes, beach walks, books and board games.  No night life.  Plan on doing most of your own cooking.

It's the antidote to a go-go-got-to-see-it-all-and-do-it-all vacation.

Two days before we took off for Kiawah my neighbor Laurie left a copy of Kelly Corrigan's The Middle Place in my mailbox with a note:

"I hope you haven't left on vacation yet.  Enjoy!"

I devoured it in one delicious gulp.  I can't remember the last time I enjoyed & was uplifted by a book as much as this one.  No doubt about it--the uninterrupted time on the beach certainly helped.

So, I'm now an official Kelly Corrigan fan. This is the true story of a thirty-something mom-wife-daughter-sister-girlfriend with a gift for giving an unashamed honest voice to her life--with all her insecurities, flaws, whinings, jealousies, disappointments, slip-ups, joys, and triumphs.  She's smart, caring,  knows how to party, and is the kind of person you'd want to hang out with when life takes a turn for the worse.

Just when her life was cruising along with 2 adorable daughters and an adoring husband--oops--out-of-the-blue she finds a lump in her breast--and it's stage three.  And then her dad's cancer recurs with a vengeance. 

Make no mistake.  This isn't the usual cancer survival story.  It's so much more.  But I'll let you discover that for yourself.   

But here's my question.  How did I happen to miss even hearing about this book before it landed in my mail box two weeks ago?

And one more thing.  I fell for this book on page 3 of the prologue, when Kelly describes her Dad.  If I had it in my power to choose how I operated in the world--I'd choose to look at it like George Corrigan!

"I think people like him because his default setting is open delight.  He's prepared to be wowed--by your humor, your smarts, your white smile, even your handshake--guaranteed, something you do is going to thrill him.  Something is going to make him shake his head afterward, in disbelief, and say to me, "Lovey, what a guy!" or "Lovey, isn't she terrific?"  People walk away from him feeling like they're on their game, even if they suspect that he put them there."

Kelly wrote the following essay when she turned 40.  I'm somewhere in the "middle place" age-wise, between Kelly & her mom--the subjects of this essay.  But age doesn't matter a bit here.  I know you'll "get" exactly what Kelly is talking about in this reprint of her "post-book" essay.  Now, you have a choice here.  Watch Kelly tell her story--or read her words--or both.

Transcending: Words on Women and Strength by Kelly Corrigan  Click here to see the video

"I turned 40 a few weeks ago. I tried (twice) to make a toast about friendship but both times, I blew it. I wanted to say something about my mom and her friends, who call themselves “The Pigeons.”

There were once at least a dozen “Pigeons” (I believe the name was a self-effacing twist on Hens) but in the past few years, they lost two of the greats, Robin Burch and Mary Maroney, to cancer. On the pigeons go, though, like women do, limping one minute, carrying someone the next. They started in the 60s, in suburban Philadelphia, with bridge and tennis and chardonnay (ok, vodka) and, over time, became something like a dedicated fleet, armed ships sailing together, weather be damned.

For me and women of my generation, it started with playdates, cutting carbs and meeting on Monday mornings in workout clothes to do awkward moves with large colorful balls. And I can see exactly where it’s heading.

We’ll water each other’s plants, pick up each other’s mail, take each other’s Christmas card photos. We’ll confer about jog bras and contractors and pediatricians. We’ll gossip about babysitters, teachers, neighbors, in-laws. We’ll speculate about who had a shot of Botox, who cheats on their taxes, who cleans until midnight. We’ll implore each other to read this book or see this movie or listen to this song. We’ll persuade each other to bake, sell, recruit, fold, stuff, paint, clean and write checks for our favorite non-profits.

We’ll celebrate each other’s achievements –opening an exercise studio, a corner store, a jewelry business. We’ll celebrate our kids’ achievements – making the traveling team, singing in the choir, learning to use the potty or speak French or play the flute. We’ll borrow eggs, earrings, extra chairs, galvanized tubs for a barbeque. We’ll throw birthday parties for each other and stain the rugs and shatter the wine glasses and mark up new counters with the odd slice of lemon. We’ll worry about who seems down, who looks tired, whose drinking more and more. We’ll say things we wished we hadn’t and have to find a way to regain each other’s trust. Things will break, they always do. Many will be fixed.

We’ll fret over our children—too shy, too loud, too angry, too needy. We’ll brainstorm ways to help them become more resilient, patient, forgiving, light-hearted. We’ll protect them—fiercely—pulling little bodies from the deep end, double-latching windows, withholding car keys.

We’ll bury our mothers and our fathers—shuttling our children off for sleepovers, jumping on red eyes, telling each other stories that hurt to hear about gasping, agonal breaths, hospice nurses, scars and bruises and scabs and how skin papers shortly after a person passes. We will nod in agreement that it is as much an honor to witness a person come into the world as it is to watch a person leave it.

People will drift in and out. Book clubs will swell and thin. We’ll write someone off and they’ll reemerge later and we’ll remember both why we loved them and why we let them slip away but we’ll be softer and we’ll want them back, for nostalgia will get stronger.

We’ll admire each other for a fine crème brule, a promotion, a degree, a finished marathon. We’ll commiserate about commutes, layoffs, mortgage rates, bosses, unappreciated toys.

We’ll confide in each other about feeling anxious or angry or uninteresting or uninspired or how many pieces of Halloween candy we accidentally ate from our kids’ bags.

We’ll confess that our husbands don’t really listen to us or that we should be having more sex or that we yell at our kids every day. We’ll admit that we believe in God, Jesus Christ, Heaven and Hell, or that we don’t.

We’ll give up things together—caffeine, catalogs, Costco, social smoking. We’ll take up things too—morning walks, green tea, organic dairy, saying grace.

We’ll throw potlucks and take each other to lunch and give each other frames and soaps and bracelets. We’ll check each other’s heads for lice and examine new bumps and moles and listen to lists of symptoms. We’ll diagnose each other’s brown lawns, torn muscles, basement odors. We’ll teach each other how to set a ring tone, make a slide show, download a movie.

We will call and say “I heard the news” and whatever the news is, we will come running, probably with food. We’ll insist on taking the kids, finding second opinions, lots of rest and the best surgeon. We will face diseases, many kinds, and will—temporarily—lose our hair, our figures and our minds.

Eventually, someone whose not supposed to die will, maybe one of us, maybe a husband, God forbid a child, and all this celebrating and sharing and confessing will make certain essential comforts possible. We’ll rally around and hold each other up and it won’t be nearly enough but it will help the time pass just a hair faster than it would have otherwise. We will wait patiently and lovingly for that first laugh after the loss. When it comes, and it will come, we will cry as we howl as we clutch as we circle. We will transcend, ladies. Because we did all this, in that worst moment, we will transcend.

Anyway, that’s what I wanted to say."

Ditto!!  We get by with a little (OK-a lot) help from our friends (and family, most definitely)  Thanks for a wonderful summer and the help in the kitchen, artistically arranging my "party table", the flower arrangements, the "Classic Cookies", the shoulders to lean on, the listening ears, the understanding, the hospitality, the amazingly delicious vegan meals, the schlepping me around NY, the tours of Brooklyn, Wave Hill, DC, Cincinnati and gorgeous gardens, making caramelized onion pizza, going to see "Away We Go" when you'd rather not, foot rubs, playing "SingStar", washing dishes, the belly laughs, and just plain showing up.  I love you all!

Happy 100th Father's Day - Dads (and Granddads), You've Come A Long Way Baby!

We Never Know the Love of Our Parents for Us Till We Have Become Parents

Henry Ward Beecher

Forgive me folks!  Today's the first Father's Day for my first-born son. Kind of gives me pause.

Seeing him with his newborn son is a mix of joy & wow--being a Dad just seems to come naturally to him.  Is that really "my son?"  He's giving me advice about the proper diaper-changing-technique?

I've heard this from my friends whose sons are now Dads.  Sort of a thrilling surreal experience seeing your son become a father.

Times truly have changed.  Dads are confident full participants now--doctor visits, diaper changing, reading the child development books, doing baby laundry, whatever it takes--except for nursing.

***Oops! When I showed this to my husband he took a huge exception to my statement. 

"Hey, I did all that stuff, too!"  OK sure.  Definitely the diaper changing & laundry.  Don't remember doctor visits or seeing him reading Dr. Spock or Brazelton.  I still think it's different today.  More of an equal partnership rather than the traditional division of labor of years past.

Day One in the hospital the nurse hands the baby to my son & advises him to hold him on his chest: skin-to-skin.

"That's right!  Take your shirt off and hold him against your bare chest. Babies need that kind of bonding with their Dads, too."

I never gave it much thought until just now--reading Lisa Belkin's Father's Day Facts--but my traditional Dad from my 1950's childhood wasn't so far off the mark from today's New Age Dads. 

• He was home for us at lunch-time & after-school because he worked at home--upholstering furniture in his basement workshop.
• He gladly ironed our favorite blouses if we desperately needed one for school.
• He read to us daily--including the New York Times--and he always helped us study for school tests.
• We had no alarm clocks in our house.  Dad did the waking up duties.
• He knew what was going on with our school work.  Dioramas & costumes--he pitched right in.
• He sometimes helped out with grocery shopping and cooking--never minding a quick trip out to the store for missing ingredients.
• He was always loving and affectionate--in that 1950's Dad-kind-of-way--definitely not hugs & kisses 5 times a day like today's average dads.

From NPR's All Things Considered.  Three Books.  Good Dad, Bad Dad, and Something In Between by Stacy Saunders:

The Good Dad, Atticus Finch of "To Kill a Mockingbird"

Our good dad comes from Harper Lee's classic novel, To Kill a Mockingbird. It is 1935: The Depression is in full swing, Hitler is up to no good and in Maycomb, Ala., Scout and Jem Finch are learning the meaning of bigotry. Their father, a hardworking lawyer named Atticus Finch, is defending an innocent black man accused of raping a white woman.

When the children have to endure taunts about their father from classmates, he tells them to walk a mile in the other person's shoes. And every night, he is a comfortable chair for Scout to curl up in for a good read. Brave, wise and cozy — dads don't get any better than Atticus Finch.

When I saw Lisa Belkin's Motherlode Column this morning, I decided to share. 

Dads---You've Come A Long Way, Baby!  Happy Father's Day to All of You & Welcome Aboard to the New Ones!

---

June 19, 2009, 6:43 pm

Father’s Day Facts

By Lisa Belkin

To commemorate the 100th Father’s Day, a few measurements of Dad:

He is less interested than he used to be in staying home full-time.

CareerBuilder.com’s recent survey, which it calls “Working Dads 2009” polled 797 men with full-time jobs and children under the age of 18, and found that 31 percent “would leave their jobs if their spouse or significant other’s income could comfortably support the family.” That’s down from 37 percent from last year, and 49 percent in 2005. (The survey has a sampling error of 3.47 percent.)

Dads also say they are less willing to take a pay cut to spend more time with their children. (Thirty percent would still do so, down from 37 percent last year.) They are more likely to bring work home than they were a year ago (31 percent, up from 25 percent) and half have missed “a significant event in their child’s life in the past year due to work.”

He isn’t giving himself enough credit.

A “The State of Dad” report by the marketing firm Sullivan Higdon & Sink, which specializes in marketing to men, polled 150 fathers and 150 mothers and found that while 70 percent of the women think their partners are good fathers, only half of the men agree.

The survey (which has a sampling error of 5.7 percent) found a disconnect between what men and women see as the obstacles to being a “good” Dad. While 51 percent of men said “financial responsibilities” got in the way, only 36 percent of women gave that answer; and while 4 percent of women blamed “pop culture/media,” that answer was given by 32 percent of men.

He is more involved in his children’s education.

A survey by the National Center for Fathering and the National Parent Teacher Association, found that the percentage of Dads who bring their child to school increased 16 percent in the past ten years, while 11 percent more attend classroom events and visit their child’s classroom, and 8 percent more attend parent teacher conferences. Perhaps most striking, 20 percent more say they meet with other fathers for support.

There is still some room for improvement, though. Of the 1000 respondents, 74 percent answered “never” when asked how often they have lunch with their child at school; 54 percent never volunteer at their child’s school; and 39 percent never read to their child. (The margin of error is 3 percent.)

He is more openly affectionate than his own father was.

A Lever 2000 survey found that more than four out of five Dads who responded – 84 percent — “show more physical affection to their children than their parents did with them.” (78 percent of mothers say the same.) Fathers hug and kiss their children five times a day, on average, and more than 64 percent “admit to sneaking their sleeping kids a goodnight kiss, even at the risk of waking them up.”

The economy, the survey found is increasing family stress, but also family closeness. Of the 1018 respondents (the margin of error is 3.1 percent) 74 percent said financial worries have increased the level of anxiety in their family, but four out of five of those also say that one result is more family bonding. They report that they are now spending more time at home as a family (66%) and have learned to enjoy the simple things in life (65%), and realize that family is more important than money.

Speaking of money, we will be spending less on Dad this year.

The annual survey by the National Retail Federation found that the average being spent on Fathers Day gifts will be $90.89 this year, down from the $94.54 spent in 2008. But altogether we’ll still be spending $9.4 billion to celebrate Dad.

To anyone who is a father, would like to be a father, or ever had a father — Happy Father’s Day.

The Gorgeous Grandson Arrived on June 5, 2009. The Healthy Librarian Has Been on Happy Grandma Leave!

 

You know how you fall madly head-over-heels-in-love with your kids when they're babies and you can't take your eyes off of them?  Ditto for grandbabies.

The moment I walked into the hospital to meet my new grandson my daughter-in-law generously asked,

"Would you like to hold him?" 

"Oh my, YES!"

I marveled at her generosity, and spent the next 11 days of "Grandma Leave" just staring and cuddling and singing to this beautiful 7 pound 6 ounce bundle-of-wonder who mostly slept, ate, peed & pooped.  The world's smartest, best baby, ever! 

Yes, it's really possible to spend an entire day doing nothing more than staring at a newborn baby.  And shopping and cooking for the new mom & dad.

Who knew that all of this behavior was genetically programmed--part of our evolutionary inheritance?  Grandparents are programmed to be nearby new grandchildren--which explains why it is now so difficult to be 500 miles away.

All of this crazy behavior was made perfectly understandable to me when I read:  Cute, Cooing Babies: The Key to Understanding Social Behavior?  by Natalie Angier, in the New York Times, March 4, 2009.

It's  a fascinating synopsis of Dr. Sarah Blaffer Hrdy's new book, "Mothers and Others: The Evolutionary Origins of Mutual Understanding".  Babies are at the heart of what it means to be human! 

"The extraordinary social skills of an infant are at the heart of what makes us human."

"Through its ability to solicit and secure the attentive care not just of its mother but of many others in its sensory purview, a baby promotes many of the behaviors and emotions that we prize in ourselves and that often distinguish us from other animals, including a willingness to share, to cooperate with strangers, to relax one's guard, uncurl one's lip and widen one's pronoun circle beyond the stifling confines of me, myself and mine."

"Human beings evolved as cooperative breeders, says Hrdy, a reproductive strategy in which mothers are assisted by as-if mothers, or "allomothers," individuals of either sex who help care for and feed the young."

"Our capacity to cooperate in groups, to empathize with others and to wonder what others are thinking and feeling - all these traits, Hrdy argues, probably arose in response to the selective pressures of being in a cooperatively breeding social group, and the need to trust and rely on others and be deemed trustworthy and reliable in turn."

"Babies became adorable and keen to make connections with every passing adult gaze. Mothers became willing to play pass the baby."

"By contrast, (to apes or chimpanzees) human mothers in virtually every culture studied allow others to hold their babies from birth onward, to a greater or lesser extent depending on tradition."

"Instead, it seems that young mothers in many traditional societies have their own mothers (and mothers-in-law) and other female relatives close at hand, and who better to trust with baby care than your mom or your aunt?"  (Which explains perfectly why this "not-so-fond-of-driving-long-distances-and-definitely-not-in-big-unfamiliar-cities" grandma didn't think twice about driving over 500 miles by herself & then daily back & forth into New York City just to be with her new grandson!) My "Stretching in St. Louis" driving experience last summer has paid off in spades!

"New studies have also shown the importance of postmenopausal women to gathering roots and tubers, the sort of unsexy foods that just may help feed the kids in hard times."  (That would be me, gathering "tubers" at Trader Joe's, Costco & the A & P, and cooking them up over the "campfire" in the Bronx.)

"Other anthropologists have made the startling discovery that children have entertainment value, and that among traditional cultures without television or Internet access, a bobble-headed baby is the best show in town."  (Which is exactly what we did.  Who needs internet, newspapers or TV when there's a baby in the house?)

Stay tuned, for a follow-up Q & A with the new parents (if I can convince them) about their experiences giving birth in a home-like birthing room with a midwife and doula.  Read: It's Official Baby Watch Time! Ricki Lake & Abby Epstein's "Business of Being Born" and "Your Best Birth", for an explanation.

And "it takes a village to raise a grandma"!  Huge thanks and hugs and kisses to my wonderful NY friends (B & B) who went above & beyond with their gracious hospitality--providing room & board & directions & support & shuttle service; to my husband, my son(s), my daughter-in-law, my sis, my sis-in-law, the in-law-grandparents, my friends, my co-workers, my relatives, my kids' friends, their colleagues & their community, and Katie for her amazing Friday night dinner.  Thanks for sharing the joy!

Dayenu! My Holy Week- Three Passover Seders, One Blessing of the Sun, One Synagogue Service, One Easter Service, One Yoga Class

All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness. The important thing is that they should be part of our daily lives.

The Dalai Lama

Dayenu!  It's the Hebrew word that means, "It would have been enough!"  It's the song that's sung at every Passover seder.  It's my favorite Passover song.  But this year I sang it four different times.

It never dawned on me until this morning what a holy week this has turned out to be.  Three different Passover seders, the once every 28 years Birkat Hachama--the Blessing of the Sun, a Friday night Shabbat synagogue service, an Easter service at a mega-church, followed by my favorite Sunday morning yoga class.

Birkat Hachama (The Blessing of the Sun)

This once-every-28-years event occurs during the spring equinox, which occurs every 365¼ days.  It occurs at dawn on a Wednesday (the fourth day of creation, based on Jewish beliefs), when Jews recite the blessing. According to Jewish beliefs, God created the sun, the moon and the stars as the fourth day began.

This year it was one of only a few times in history that the Blessing of the Sun coincided with the eve of Passover, the Jewish holiday commemorating the release of Jewish slaves from Egypt in Biblical times.

The next Blessing of the Sun will occur in 2037.  Not sure if I'm going to be around in 2037, so I didn't want to miss this one!  It was supposed to be recited at 6:58 am.  We recited it outside with all our Seder guests at 6:58 pm.  Better late than never!


First Night Seder - A cozy intimate gathering of friends who are like family, held at my house, using my current favorite haggadah--A Night of Questions: A Passover Haggadah   Same order, same songs, but it's always different--and this year was no exception. 

Second Night Seder - A large group gathering of cousins & aunts held at my 94 year-old aunt's apartment.  This seder used the traditional Orthodox haggadah.  Same order, same songs, but much more Hebrew.

Friday Night Shabbat synagogue services - In front of us sat the grandparents of the baby who was about to be named.  We chatted before the services began.  One set had just driven in from Virginia, the other was local and Catholic.  I knew in a few months my husband and I would be the proud new grandparents.

As always, for some inexplicable reason--maybe the music--maybe the singing--maybe the Hebrew prayers--tears start to well up in my eyes.  They don't stop. It happens often in synagogue--sometimes more--sometimes less.

By the time the Rabbi begins to bless the couple who is celebrating their 66 years of marriage, and bless the 87 year-old wheelchair-bound man celebrating his birthday--I'm undone--watching this man use every ounce of his strength to stand up.  The congregation joins in the traditional Sheheyanu prayer, which thanks God for keeping us alive,  sustaining us, and enabling us to reach this season. It's a prayer that's said often on happy occasions & first-time events.  I can't open my mouth, because I need every ounce of energy to not cry--I'm so inexplicably touched.

Third Seder - A medium sized group of friends, grown-up kids, and friends of the kids. This seder used an original haggadah created by the hosts' three daughters years ago.  Same order, same songs--but with unique twists that only this wonderful creative family can come up with. 

Sunday Morning Easter Service - This was my first ever Easter service.  One of my husband's patients is a minister at local mega-church and he had invited us.  Why not?  There were at least 1000 people there, and this was the first of three consecutive services to be held this morning.  I was struck by the upbeat music, the full orchestra, the words of the sermon---the many similarities of its underlying message.  But most touching to me, was noticing two women in front of me who were dabbing at their eyes, catching their tears as they sang.  I understood.

Sunday Yoga class at a Jewish Community Center. - I wasn't going to miss my Sunday class after all.  I arrived a little late, and sandwiched myself in between two women who are Hindu, one man who was born Polish Catholic, but converted to Judaism, and one man from the Philippines who is Christian.  My yoga teacher happens to be Christian.  As we end the class, Dawn asks us to put our hands together and bow to our neighbors and someone we don't know, and say, "Namaste", the sanskrit word which means, "The Light within me honors the Light within you." 

I am the dean of religious life at a liberal arts college. Yesterday, I went to a Maundy Thursday service (interdenominational Protestant), a Holy Thursday service with foot washing (Roman Catholic), and the second seder. Having been raised Roman Catholic, I resonate with the words and sounds of prayers and hymns of my childhood so powerful that it is almost instinctual, but in my adulthood I have come to discover and be spiritually nourished by other traditions, particularly Judaism. At last night’s student-planned seder, many of the participants were not Jewish but have participated every year of college and wouldn’t miss it. That has to be a good thing. 

-Jennifer, a commenter to Judith Warner's opinion piece, "This I Believe"  New York Times, April 9, 2009-

She couldn't have said it better.

DAYENU!

  

Whether It's a Passover Seder or an Easter Brunch - Enjoy Yourself, Lower Your Stress and Plan for a Healthy Do-Ahead Menu

Last week I looked up my Passover 2008 HHLL post --I needed the recipes!  This year I'm making the exact same menu & taking two days off of work to prepare.  I've learned my lesson.

The 2008 menu works--it's healthy--and best of all, except for the soup, it can all be served cold or at room temperature. 

Whether you're celebrating Passover on Wednesday April 8th, or Easter on Sunday April 12th this menu will do the job.  Learn from my mistakes and make your holidays as stress-free as possible!

If you want to go Vegan on Passover, good luck!  I suggest you go Sephardic-style and allow beans, legumes and rice.  As for me, it's a holiday, so I have no problem with eating fish, eggs & a little dairy.

 

Monday Morning Quarterbacking the Passover Seder with a Little Help from Men's Journal by Way of the New York Times

“At the right levels, stress is a good thing.  It shows you care and can cause you to work harder"

                -Nicole Cusik, Men's Journal-

 

--originally posted on Happy Healthy Long Life on April 21, 2008

This year was my turn to host the Passover Seder.  Weeks before it arrives I'm in a generous, "bring it on baby", I-can-do-it-all, let's invite everyone kind of delirium.  Kids are coming in from DC & NYC.  Mother-in-law from Florida.  The Cincy sib & family.  In-town friends & relatives.

Two weeks before Passover arrives reality starts to sink in.  Gotta get the guest rooms in order.  Clean the house.  The endless food shopping for a week's worth of Passover-approved food.  Get out the good dishes.  Plan the menu.  Orchestrate the Seder.  Enough haggadahs for everyone?  Plan the reading passages for the 4 hour Seder.  Set up the card tables for extra seating.  Lug up the extra chairs from the basement.  Iron the table cloths and napkins. It can go on and on.

I've done this for at least 30 years, not counting all those times when my generous friends and family have taken their turns to host. Oh how I love & appreciate being a guest!  So....why doesn't it get easier?  Is it possible to pull off Passover without the stress?

This morning,  the-morning-after, I finally had a chance to kick-back & relax with the New York Times.  Got a chance to read Paul Brown's article "Don't Stress Over Stress" .  He starts out with a great synopsis of Nicole Cusick's recent article from Men's Journal and after going through my own Seder stress I deem this to be practical wise advice.

• Embrace the pressure. “At the right levels, stress is a good thing,” Cusick writes. It shows you care and can cause you to work harder. “It may seem obvious, but being conscious” of the symptoms of stress is the first step in calming down.   I wish I had read this 2 weeks ago.  It's so encouraging.  Instead of feeling guilty and upset with myself for feeling stressed & pressured about celebrating a meaningful holiday with my favorite family and friends, I would have "embraced the stress!".  I care a lot about my guests.  I care a lot about making a meaningful celebration.  I care a lot about making sure everyone is going to be comfortable, inspired, well-fed and be happy to return.  Of course Seder brings stress and Passover brings pressure.  Next year I'm embracing it.  Hope it will calm me down!

• Work out. People in better shape have more confidence at crunch time.  Yes and no.  Sometimes getting in that work-out has to drop by the wayside when you have limited hours to get everything done.  I thought I'd get to work-out on most days this week, but it just didn't happen. I've exercised only 2 out 7 days this week and I'm feeling it.  Amazing how even a few days off brings on a little lower back stiffness, a little achiness and a drop in my usual good mood groove.  It makes me acutely aware of how important exercise is to my well-being.  But honestly, it's hard to know if working out when I'm under a deadline is stress-relieving or stress-inducing.  Would I have felt more relaxed if I took the time to exercise this week, or would I have been more stressed because it would have cut into my Passover prep time?

• Prepare. No surprise here. The more you have practiced, the more confidence you will have.  True!  Practice makes "good-enough" perfect.  Every year I fine tune the Seder.  It's all about the prep.  I know my limits, so this year I took a couple days off of work to give myself time to do it all.  I always underestimate the time it takes. This year I added 2 new tweaks that made things work more smoothly.   

          1.  Except for the soup (which was hot & healthy), all the dinner foods were healthy, prepared ahead of time and best of all--could be served at room temperature!! Trust me, when you have a 2.5 hour Seder before you serve the meal, it is really hard to keep everything "warm/hot" and not "dried out". And I like to sit at the table, not continually running back & forth into the kitchen to check on the status of everything. 

Poached salmon with lemon mint tzatziki sauce, Inca Quinoa Salad, Susan's Seductive Strawberry Salad, Spinach, Fennel, Leek Matzo Ball Soup, Salmon and White Fish "Gefilte Fish" Cakes , and egg salad in roasted new potato shells.  All done ahead. All served cold or room temperature.

          2.  Have all the food cooked and table set the day before.  Even with all that done, the last minute preps took up most of the day of the Seder.  I actually thought I'd have the whole day to laze around and visit with my house guests. As it turned out, I was grateful to have the extra time to get "everything else" done.  The kind of chores I usually think take no time, took most of the day. It was great to have the cushion of time.

• Think positive thoughts. If you visualize success, the odds of it occurring increase. “Negative ruminating may prime you to fail.”  Sometimes that is easier said than done.  The food part is easy to be positive about.  Having everything flow easily and worrying that the Seder will engage a group of diverse age and observance levels is something I haven't learned to "let go of" yet.        The lesson here for me:  I can't worry about pleasing everyone.  Just do the best you can.  I'm not responsible for everyone else's good time. 

• Try meditation. “Researchers from the University of Wisconsin found that meditation can improve your focus — beneficial when preparing for a stressful event.”  I agree 100%!  Maybe I didn't exercise like I should have, but I did meditate this week.  I am not a regular meditator, but I pull it out of "my bag of tricks" when I'm under stress & when I need to "recharge".  You don't need a lesson to start meditating.  I just go to the guest bedroom, set a kitchen timer for 30 minutes, get comfortable by propping up my back on a Back Jack, wrapping up in a cuddly blanket & slowly breathing in and out. Count the breaths on the exhale & when you get to 10 start counting again.  That's all you have to do.  When I notice I've lost count & I'm up to 21, I say, "Oops, & start over with one".  When I notice I'm thinking about a recipe, I say "Oops, & start over with one".  By the time 30 minutes has passed I'm rested & relaxed and feel as if I had a nice nap.  Try it!

• Learn from mistakes. For those who still let their nerves get the better of them, take solace in this:  “Ironically, it’s people with more cognitive ability, more working memory, who tend to choke under pressure,” says *Sian L. Beilock, a University of Chicago professor.  I checked out Sian's article and it's that old counter-intuitive conclusion.  Under low pressure, smart people use all their smarts & problem-solve beautifully.  Under high pressure, smart people freak out, take short-cuts & screw things up.  The trick is to convince yourself "you have nothing to worry about" and "you have all the time in the world".  "Don't worry - be happy"  and then "Do your best!"

Parting thoughts:  I just came across this quote that says it all.

“The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

*Beilock, S. L., & DeCaro, M. S. (2007). From poor performance to success under stress: Working memory, strategy selection, and mathematical problem solving under pressure. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, & Cognition, 33, 983-998.

Happy Groundhog Day: Lessons from the Movie - We Keep Living the Same Day Over & Over Again Until We Get It Right!

Making the best of what we have....is not second best.  It is rather, a demand for active engagement in caring for what and whom we value.  That is what's touching about Groundhog Day.

-Ellen Goodman-

(**Yes, this is a repeat post from 2/2/08 & yes, I've linked to this before--but it's Groundhog Day!  A time for hope & renewal-when the days are dark and the times uncertain.)

I love Bill Murray's 1993 movie, Groundhog Day!  It's my favorite kind of film---funny with a profound message.  We can get stuck in the same place, doing the same thing, every last day of our lives, until we finally get it right.  Until we change ourselves.

Phil Connors is an arrogant, cynical, sarcastic weatherman who has come to Punxsutawney, PA on February 2 to cover the annual Groundhog Day celebration.

He's the kind of guy who no one can stand, and he could care less!  To Phil this is a backwater town, and the assignment is beneath him.  And to make matters worse he discovers he's in the middle of huge cosmic joke that condemns him to living the same day, February 2 over and over again. 

Every blessed morning he wakes up to Sonny & Cher singing, "It Ain't Me Babe".  Eats the same breakfast & covers the same Groundhog Day festival, sees the same annoying people.....until he gets it right!

Before I saw Groundhog Day I had read Ellen Goodman's column about the movie. Sixteen years later I still think about what the movie meant to her and I just have to share her Zen teaching:

In the middle of the movie Phil says in utter despair to a man sitting next to him at a bar:

"What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was the same and nothing mattered?"   (here's what Ellen Goodman had to say back in 1993)

"What would you do if you woke up in the same place and every day was the same?

For most people, middle age is a little bit like that.  It's long past the time of life when most of us were building our careers, beginning our families and nesting.  It's the maintenance stage when an extraordinary amount of energy is going to upkeep - keeping up the commitments you have. One morning inevitably looks a lot like the one before it.....

But in real life, those of us who do not want to start over in the middle face a different test of renewal.  Daily renewal.  Getting up in the same place, doing the same things - only making it matter.

So we have to figure out how to make the best of what we have.

Making the best of what we have....is not second best.  It is rather, a demand for active engagement in caring for what and whom we value.

That is what's touching about Groundhog Day.  Our trapped weatherman has to learn this the hard way.  His life is reduced to one inescapable day.  It's the entire deck he's been dealt, the allotment of flowers he can arrange, the cast of characters in his life.

He goes through stages of feeling trapped, depressed, and living as if there's no tomorrow.  He finally comes to the not-so-profound-but-still-pretty-rare realization that he can change his world by changing himself.

..it's about making the best of what you have...over and over. Making small repairs and improvements so that the commitments of midlife--the work you do and people you love--don't become a trap.  They become and remain the town in which you choose to live even when you have options.

"Groundhog Day" is the perfect renewal movie when we're trapped in the middle of one of the coldest & snowiest winters (and the most challenging economic times) I can remember in a long time.  And thank you so much, Ellen Goodman for your Zen teaching about mid-life change.

If you haven't yet seen Maira Kalman's gorgeous artistic essay, "And the Pursuit of Happiness" in the 2/01/09 New York TImes --please take a look & say "Hallelujah!"   Feast your eyes & spirt on this!  Click here!  Watch for more of Maira.  Her artistic column "And the Pursuit of Happiness," about American democracy, will appear on the last Friday of each month in the NYT.