Yes, Dear. Just Do It! Tonight Again? Yes, 365 Nights!

                                                  

   

"Honey, you know, I've been thinking.  Why don't we do it for the next 365 days in a row?

Two different couples, the  "Bible-studying meat-eating Republican" Mullers in North Carolina, and the  "multi-grain backpacking" liberal Browns in Boulder, Colorado---both had the same idea in 2006. Why not make love every night for a year?  Read Ralph Gardner's whole story in the June 8^th issue of the New York Times.

Two different couples.  Two different reasons.  For the Mullers is was Charla's extra special 40th birthday gift to her husband Brad.  According to Charla,

"This is something no one else would give him.  It didn't cost a lot of money.  It was highly memorable.  It met all the criteria for a really great gift."

Brad, her husband, wasn't so enthusiastic.  He was used to his wife's "big ideas and poor follow-through".  And since Charla hadn't been so generous with "her gifts" since the arrival of their two kids, he wasn't expecting this gift to materialize either.

As for the Browns, wife Annie is the one who had the "big idea".  They didn't have that much going on after they moved to Boulder.

"I thought we don't have anything else going on.  It might kick-start our marriage."

She even made poor Doug have sex the night he had vertigo.

"I'm not a quitter.  The night he had vertigo, I said, "I'm sorry guy, you've got to keep going."

So, what happened with the sex-every-day experiment?  Some good things.  Some bad.  But mostly good. And since the Browns & the Mullers have done the "leg work" we can just learn from them.  As Doug says,

"I'm glad we did it.   But as far as a practical message, nobody needs to do it 100 days.  You don't have to climb Mount Everest to understand alpine sublime."

• By day 101 Doug said he felt "sort of like you had some long-forgotten appointment to hear some tax attorney talk about estate planning.
• Both couples say that the everyday "physical intimacy created more emotional intimacy."
• "It required a daily kindness and forgiveness, and not being cranky or snarky," said Charla.
• "It was just intense closeness.  We were so aware of wherever the other person was mentally and emotionally and physically, " said Annie.
• But Charla's gift became her "stupid idea" after 10 months.  And the Browns hit the wall after 100 days.
• They definitely don't recommend the "experiment to everyone", but both couples agree the results have had a positive impact on their marriages.

I can't help thinking how this is a little like being forced to eat chocolate everyday (lots of chocolate), or always being on vacation, or having every day be sunny and 73^o.

                                                                         

Comments

[Shara]

hmmm...dinner (check!), shower (check), brush teeth (check!), have sex (check!?!?!). There goes the spontaneity! But I guess whatever works for people. I'd be curious to know the "rules" i.e. sex=intercourse? or any kind of intimate act...my guess is the former and if so would "loosening" the rules to include any kind of intimate cuddling have helped them reach their goal? (And was the goal even more than just a b-day present or a solution to boredom? The romantic in me makes me hope that the bigger goal was to have a closer, more intimate marriage.)