Happy Healthy Long Life

Obama's Pre-Election Healthy Vegetarian Comfort Food - Kenyan Vegetable Peanut Soup & Kansan Mac 'N Cheese

"Political issues are decided at the table."
Lucien Tendret, French lawyer (1825-1896)

My "mostly vegetarian" kids are coming to town on Sunday and in honor of the upcoming election, I decided to plan a meal that I think would suit Obama's roots--a Kenyan father & a Kansan mother:
Kenyan Vegetable-Peanut Soup & a healthy version of Kansan Mac 'N Cheese.  We all need some comfort on these cold November nights, especially in this chilly political climate.  I know Obama tries to eat healthy food - so this ought to be perfect fare.

 

Obama's Kenyan Vegetable-Peanut Soup - 6 generous servings

from the Beyond the Moon Cookbook by Ginny Callan, 1996.

For a copy of the recipe on one page click here

I discovered this recipe back in 1996 and it's been a favorite of mine ever since.  It's true comfort food.  I make it for friends who are ill & for family get-togethers.  It packs on the heat--it's thick & hearty--easy to make--and even though the ingredients may sound a little strange--everyone wants the recipe! Really.

3 tablespoons canola oil
6 large garlic cloves, peeled and minced  (this is the hardest part)
2 cups chopped onions (2 large onions) I use 2 large Spanish onions & don't bother measuring
1 large red bell pepper, seeded & cut into thin, 1 inch long slices
1 large green bell pepper, seeded and cut into thin, 1 inch long slices
2 cups sliced mushrooms (1/2 pound)
One 28-ounce can crushed tomatoes (no salt)
1/2 cup uncooked brown rice
1/4 tsp. dried red pepper flakes (or to taste)
1/2 tsp. salt
4 cups of water
3/4 cup creamy all-natural peanut butter
1 Tablespoon fresh lemon juice
Cayenne

Heat the oil in a large soup pot over medium heat.  Saute the garlic & onions until soft, about 5 minutes.  Stir in the red and green peppers and mushrooms, and cook just until tender, 3 to 4 minutes more.

Add the tomatoes and their juice to the soup pot, along with the rice, red pepper flakes, salt, and 4 cups of water.

Bring the soup to a simmer, and cook, partially covered, until the rice is tender, about 45 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Whisk the peanut butter into the soup until well blended.  Add the lemon juice and cayenne to taste.  Ladle into the soup bowls and serve.

Obama's Kansan Mac N' Cheese (a delicious healthy version) makes 6 servings

from the Food Blogga recipe aka "Orange Cauliflower Mac N' Cheese"

For a copy of the recipe on one page click here.

Mac N' Cheese is the ultimate comfort food, but with the usual full fat cheese, butter & milk I've stayed away for years.  I tried this recipe 2 weeks ago & it was A MAJOR HIT!  Even better the second night.  I'm making it again on Sunday.  It's not exactly low-fat fare, but it's made with a whole cauliflower, less cheese than usual, & I made mine with whole grain Barelli Plus pasta---which is high in protein, fiber, omega 3's & it really tastes like "regular" pasta.   Don't get freaked out by the cauliflower in this recipe!  Fair warning:  you are going to dirty a few pots & pans making this & it's not exactly a quickie--but it is worth the effort!

1 medium head orange cauliflower (white can be substituted)

1/2 pound small pasta like gemelli, elbows or shells  I recommend Barilla Plus Elbows (note: make 3/4 pound pasta, so you can add more if there is too much sauce.  My cauliflower was large & there was a lot of sauce--I wished I had made more pasta to add to the sauce)

2 Tablespoons Smart Balance butter substitute
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
2 cups skim milk, plus 1/2 cup for pureeing cauliflower  (I used Lactaid with extra-calcium)
1 cup grated sharp white cheddar cheese, plus 1/2 cup for sprinkling on top
A generous amount of salt and several cranks of freshly ground black pepper
1 Tablespoon fajita or Mexican spices, optional
1/4 cup plain dry bread crumbs (I used corn flake crumbs)
1 Tablespoon Smart Balance butter substitute


Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Coat a 9-inch glass or ceramic baking dish with cooking spray.

Bring a large saucepan of water to a boil. Trim cauliflower and break into small florets. Boil until tender, 10-15 minutes. Drain. Place in a blender or processor with 1/2 cup milk and puree until thick and smooth. Set aside.

Cook pasta according to directions until al dente.

For the sauce, melt 2 tablespoons Smart Balance in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add flour and whisk briskly. Gradually add 2 cups milk, whisking continuously, until it reaches a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 3 minutes, or until thick and bubbly. Add the pureed cauliflower, 1 cup cheddar cheese, and a generous amount of salt and black pepper. Whisk until smooth and remove from heat. Add cooked pasta to the cheese sauce and toss until well coated. Pour into the prepared baking dish and sprinkle remaining 1/2 cup cheddar evenly over the top.

For the buttered breadcrumbs, melt 1 tablespoon Smart Balance butter substitute in a small skillet over medium heat. Add bread crumbs and toss until coated with butter. Sprinkle even over the top of the cheddar.

Bake for 40-45 minutes or until golden brown on top and the cheese sauce is bubbling around the edges.

• My Notes:  I personally have a hard time making lump-free white sauces--and I probably wasn't using the right-sized whisk for the job.  I ended up blending the milk/flour mixture in a blender before I added the pureed cauliflower just to get it smooth.
• The recipe made a lot of sauce (probably because my cauliflower was larger than the Food Blogga's).  I wished I had planned ahead & had more cooked pasta to add.  But, even though it looked pretty "saucy", it absorbed well, tasted great, & was even better the next night.
• Be sure to correct to your own taste on the salt, pepper, & Mexican spices, if you use them.

Never Forget a Birthday or Anniversary Again - Get Reminders with Google Calendar

Gretchen Rubin's Number One Tip for Keeping Friendships Strong:

Remember birthdays: it guarantees that you get in touch at least once a year.

-Gretchen Rubin, author & blogger "The Happiness Project"

No doubt about it.  I'm a work in progress. I try this--I try that--I get rid of this--I forget about that--I see how this works--how that doesn't work--and I keep trying until I get it right.  The "birthday/anniversary remembrance project" has had a long slow learning curve.

Anyway, I used to be awful about sending out cards for birthdays & anniversaries.  Which is a real stupid way to be, because I LOVE TO GET CARDS!!  Then it finally dawned on me.  I NEED A WAY TO REMEMBER BIRTHDAYS & ANNIVERSARIES SO I CAN SEND OUT CARDS!

You'd laugh if you saw my scribbly, scrawly tiny birthday calendar that's in my 15 year old Day Runner planner--that I only keep around for that one tattered  birthday calendar page.  I'm a real slow learner.  The system works well if I remember to look at the calendar ahead of time, so I can actually buy a card and send it out before someone's birthday or anniversary has passed--but I don't look at it often enough. And usually too late. It was a pretty stupid system.

I Finally Found a Simple & Amazing Solution for Remembering Special Occasions

• Use Google Calendar!  For a brief recent review of the calendar click here.

• I started using Google Calendar a couple of months ago for appointments, events & things I needed to remember.  It's best feature is its email or pop-up reminders that you set according to your preferences--minutes--hours--days ahead.

• It took me about 1 hour to enter every niece, nephew, brother-in-law, friend, neighbor, co-worker, relative or significant others' birthday and anniversary. This one time set-up will be automatically repeated FOREVER (that's how you need to set it up!)--or until Google disappears off the face of the planet.

• Use Google notifications (reminders) for every birthday or anniversary you enter.  This is absolutely the best part of Google calendar.  You can preset your calendar to send you an email reminder, or a pop-up reminder whenever you specify.  I set my notifications to send me an email reminder 1 week before a birthday so I can buy the card & mail it out.  Once I get the email reminder, I keep it "unread" in my Google mail box until the birthday arrives, just so I don't forget the special day.

• I repeat-You do it once & it's forever: You can easily set up all your birthday-anniversary reminders ONE TIME ONLY, & set them to repeat every year, forever!  I love that feature.

• Tip #1- Change the Notification setting default: Before you start to set up birthday reminders, look to the left-hand side of the Google calendar screen, under the little Monthly calendar--find the link to "settings".  Click on it & then look for the link to "Notifications" in the upper right-side of the new screen.  You can preset all your birthday notifications to be the same & it will save you from having to change each entry, separately.  In my case, I set up my reminders to come as "Emails" 7 days before the event.  When you are all done, then you can go back & change the Notifications settings to something else, that will be more useful in your regular use of your calendar.  As in all instructions--you'll see what I mean when you actually do it!

• Last tip-Enter birthdays on top: When setting up birthday/anniversary reminders, enter the info on the TOP light blue strip of the calendar page, not within the time-slots.  You'll know you're in the right place because there will be a little note that says: e.g. Mom's birthday.

• Why GMAIL & Google Calendar Rule!  I know I will keep my GMAIL account for a long time to come, so I don't have to waste time using some fly-by-night computer birthday service that may go out of business, nor am I concerned about a change in my email address.  There's nothing wrong with having a GMAIL account, along with any work, hotmail or yahoo accounts!  You may even prefer it. You can access your Google calendar & GMAIL wherever you are.
  

• It's so easy. I'm definitely not a Google Calendar maven, but I found the whole process very easy to do.

• Take the tour first. I highly recommend you take a look at the Google Calendar tour to get started.  Email me if you have a question--I'll help if I can.

• Remembering birthdays & anniversaries is one of the easiest ways to make you & everyone else happy!

An Overview of Google Calendar

Simplify. Organize. (And relax.) Organizing your schedule shouldn't be a burden. That's why we've created Google Calendar – our free online shareable calendar service. With Google Calendar, it's easy to keep track of all your life's important events – birthdays, reunions, little league games, doctor's appointments – all in one place.

Using Google Calendar, you can add events and invitations effortlessly, share with friends and family (or keep things to yourself), and search across the web for events you might enjoy. It's organizing made easy.

	Gmail Integration Gmail now recognizes when messages mention events, and you can add those events to your calendar with just a couple clicks.
Quick Add Just click a spot on your calendar (or use the Quick Add link) and start typing to add a new event
Calendar Sharing View calendars that others have shared with you, and let your friends and family see your agenda.
		Invitations Send invitations for any event on your calendar by adding guests
		Reminders Never forget another event again. You can even get reminders sent right to your mobile phone.

Take the Google Calendar Tour

Features

Calendar Sharing: Set up a calendar for your company softball team, and share it with the whole roster. (Your shortstop will never forget about practice again.) Or share with friends and family so you can view each other's schedules side by side.

Invitations: Create event invitations, send them to friends, and keep track of people's responses and comments, all in one place. Your friends can receive your invitation and post responses even if they don't use Google Calendar themselves.

Quick Add: Click anywhere on your calendar where an event belongs (or use the Quick Add link), and start typing. Google Calendar understands whole phrases like "Brunch with mom at Java Cafe 11am on Saturday," and will pop new events right into your agenda.

Gmail Integration: Add your friend's Super Bowl party to your calendar without ever leaving your Gmail inbox. Gmail now recognizes events mentioned in emails.

Search: Find the date of the Baxter family BBQ (you knew it was sometime this summer). Or, search public calendars to discover new events you're interested in and add them to your own calendar.

Mobile Access: Receive event reminders and notifications on your mobile phone.

Event Publishing: Share your organization's events with the world. Learn more with our Event Publisher Guide.

Quick Facts

Cost: Free Languages: The interface is currently available in English, French, Italian, German, Spanish, Danish, Dutch, Norwegian, Finnish, Swedish, Russian, Chinese-Simplified, Chinese-Traditional, Korean, Japanese, Portuguese and Polish. You can enter calendar information in many other languages, too.

Fully supported browsers: - Microsoft IE 6.0 or later (download: Windows) - Mozilla Firefox 1.0.7 or later (download: Windows Mac Linux) - Safari 2.0.3 or later JavaScript and cookies must be enabled on all browsers.

General Questions

How do I sign up?
If you already have a Google Account, just visit the Google Calendar homepage, enter your username and password, and click "Sign in."

If you don't yet have an account, you can create one now.

Does Google Calendar connect to other calendar applications and devices?
Yes. Google Calendar uses open calendar standards to give you more choice when it comes to accessing your calendar. You can view your schedule using any application or device that accepts iCal or XML files. Learn more

Can I import events from Microsoft Outlook or other calendar programs?
Absolutely. You can import information from other popular calendar applications – like Microsoft Outlook and Yahoo! Calendar – quickly and easily. Learn more

Can I set limits on the info I share with others?
Yes. You control how much you share, and who you share it with. For instance, you can let Aunt Jane see details about your ballet recitals but not your Lambada lessons. Friends and organizations can share their calendar info with you, too, and you can view it alongside your own agenda.

What about privacy? Will Google share my information?
Google takes your privacy as seriously as our own. We won't share your personal information with anyone, except only under the limited circumstances described in our privacy policy. For more details, please refer to the "Information sharing" section of our Privacy Policy and the Google Calendar Privacy Policy.

I have more specific questions about using Google Calendar. What should I do?
Please visit the Google Calendar Help Center.

Serendipitous Saturday--Finding Norman Fischer's Simple Yet Astounding Ways to Calm Down

 
Photo: Olaf Gunderson


The Definition of Serendipity: A Seeming Gift for Finding Something Good Accidentally

This morning, through a circuitous route I accidentally found my way to a blog that linked to Norman Fischer, the very wise Jewish Zen master from whom I learned to meditate over 3 years ago.

Norman is the person who gave me: The Best Advice You Can Ever Give Your Grown-up Kids.  It was the subject of one of my earliest posts. You can read that post here.  And he was the one who taught me a Meditation for Dummies technique I blogged about here.

So here's the serendipity part.  I always have things I want to write about--too many.  The problem is, it takes a lot of time to put thoughts to paper (or rather--to computer) and frankly, I've got lots of other stuff to do today.  Like plant flower bulbs, put away my laundry, call my aunt, go for a walk, bake cookies for the new neighbors and hang-out with my husband. I've been mulling over writing posts on multi-tasking; strategies from positive psychology to get through tough economic times; yoga as medicine; and lessons from cultures with lots of centenarians & so on.

So, to continue.  I get to the Norman Fischer link.  It takes me to his newsletter where I learned that Norman not only has a new book out: Sailing Home, but he wrote an article in the September 2008 issue of O Magazine (as in Oprah), called  "Simple Yet Astounding Ways to Calm Down".
As with everything related to Norman, the article is wise, kind, thoughtful, and easy to read.

Forget about reading anything I have to say about multi-tasking, getting through tough times, yoga & longevity.  Read Norman's article!  It's all right there.

And by the way, even though Norman advises against giving advice to grown-up kids, in this case I disagree.  So, Son #1, Son #2, Daughter-in-law #1, if you are reading this, I know you guys are crazy busy.  I hope you have a chance to read Norman!  It will serve you well.

Simple Yet Astounding Ways to Calm Down

Norman Fischer
appearing in O Magazine, September 2008

Illustration: Jillian Tamaki

If you're so crazed that you have to pencil in time for a deep breath, here's how to become more relaxed—and efficient—in less than a minute. All together now: Ahhhhh…

You keep a to-do list, but you can't get through it by the end of the day, and you're frustrated because you feel like you haven't been able to get enough done. You find that things take longer than you thought they would. And when people ask how you are, "Fine" has been replaced by "Too busy."

Welcome to the "too busy" club.

In this technology-driven world, we can do more, so we do—and we love it. We feel effective and powerful as we check items off our lists and use our cell phones, BlackBerrys, and computers, sometimes all at once. We're multitasking, doing as much as we can in the least amount of time. We're active, creative, and engaged! In demand! Being too busy makes us feel as though we're making an impact.

On the other hand, feeling too busy drives us crazy. Falling ever further behind as the to-do list relentlessly grows (each item generating many more items almost as fast as we can think of them) is nerve-racking and stressful. We begin to feel like prisoners of the list, prisoners of our lives and our desires, prisoners of time. There just aren't enough hours in the day. It's as if we're doing battle with time—and losing.

But the point is not how many things we have done or will do in a given amount of time; the point is how we do what we do. If we're rushed and frantic, we're too busy. If we move through our tasks with equanimity, patient and composed, we're not.

In the Zen Buddhist tradition that I've been practicing for many years, there's a story that illustrates this point: A monk is sweeping the temple grounds. Another monk comes by and says, "Too busy!" The first monk replies, "You should know there is one who is not too busy."

Our sweeping monk may have been moving quickly, and so he looked "too busy" to his brother monk. But inside—in his mind—he wasn't busy. In the midst of his vigorous activity, he was in touch with "the one who is not busy."

Most of us judge how busy we are by how much we have to do. When there are too many things to do, we think we're busy, and when there isn't much to do, it feels like we're not busy at all. But in fact, we can feel busy when there isn't that much to do, and we can feel relaxed even when there's a lot going on. The states of "busy" and "not busy" aren't defined by how many things there are to do. Contrary to popular opinion, there is no such thing as multitasking; the brain can tend to only one thing at a time. Being too busy or not being busy is an interpretation of our activity. Busy-ness is a state of mind, not a fact. No matter how much or how little we're doing, we're always just doing what we're doing, simply living this one moment of our lives.

That moment may seem long or short. Time is an internal, not external, reality. Have you noticed that half an hour in the dentist's chair lasts longer than half an hour at a fun dinner party with friends? And five minutes waiting on hold on the phone passes more slowly than five minutes watching a movie. Time is how we live it, not what's measured by the clock (after all, the watch was invented fairly recently, in the 16th century). To be sure, our world operates on clock time, which is convenient and necessary; how else would we make it to that dentist's appointment or dinner party? But the clock is supposed to be working for us, not the other way around. If we feel too busy, we've mistaken a feeling for an objective reality and are held captive to that reality. It needn't be that way.

Okay, you say, good theory: We think we're busy, but we're not—we're just doing one thing after another. But the habit of being convinced we're too busy is hard to shake. What can we do about this persistent mania of feeling task- and time-driven?

Understanding something differently is only a beginning. To change the way we live, we have to practice what we've come to understand until it becomes a natural part of us, a habit of thought, feeling, and body. There are many simple techniques that can help us with this. Take three conscious breaths (try it now, as you're reading). This will change your mind. Whatever you're feeling will become less compulsive, less driven. There's a measure of detachment and equanimity even after the first breath. You become more present to your surroundings, to the basic awareness of being alive. Try it the next time you're feeling overwhelmed; it doesn't take much time, and it will help you remember "the one who is not busy," the part of you that's always right there, even when it looks or feels like you're too busy.

Walking meditation—intentionally bringing awareness to your body as you move—can lift you out of a busy-ness-induced, semiconscious funk. If you can become conscious of the way you're moving and the sensation of each movement, you'll feel refreshed instead of rushed. I know what you're thinking: "I'm too busy to go for a walk." But this is something you can do on your way to and from the bathroom. (And if you're really feeling busy, you're probably overdue for a trip there anyway.)

Sometimes just a phrase can help: "Not busy." Remembering our two monks, you can say this softly to yourself when you feel overwhelmed. I do this when I feel crazed; with the repetition of the words, I immediately recognize that it is my feelings and my thoughts that make me feel pressured, not the tasks I have to do. They will get done—or not, and the world and I will survive. Even if I do have a crucial deadline, I'll have a much better chance of making it if I feel "not busy" and can proceed with a calm mind. Feeling frantic doesn't make me more efficient. Quite the contrary, it makes mistakes and glitches more likely.

It goes without saying that if you've bitten off more than you can chew in a day, or in a lifetime, you'd better step back and change your circumstances, if at all possible. Let go of a few activities: Peace of mind is more important, and healthier, than those few extra accomplishments. But if you can't or don't want to change your circumstances, you need to find the most serene and beautiful way to live the life you have. In the end, if you persistently and unpleasantly feel too busy, remember this: It's not a fact; it's a choice. There is one who is not busy. That one is you.

What the Experts Recommend: What to Eat for a Good Mood and Less Stress

"Let food be thy medicine..."     Hippocrates

This morning I got caught up on my favorite health blogs and was inspired by the Foods to Fight Depression post from the Chicago Tribune blog, Julie's Health Club. But, I like to take the positive approach when it comes to food-- So for me it's all about: "Foods for a Good Mood and Foods to Lower Stress."

The Basic Principles Behind What to Eat for a Good Mood & Less Stress

• We need the neurotransmitter serotonin to insure a good mood, and to handle stress. According to Princeton neuroscientist Barry Jacobs, PhD, "Stress is the most important precipitator of depression!  Something to think about!
• But our brains need tryptophan to produce serotonin.  Tryptophan is found primarily in protein and the highest sources are: soy, eggs, turkey, yoghurt/milk, garbanzo beans and lentils.  But, there's a CATCH!  Tryptophan cannot cross the blood-brain barrier to produce serotonin without CARBOHYDRATES! 
• To feel good, make sure your diet contains at least 40% of high quality carbs in the form of whole grains or fruits and veggies. Try to combine the carbs with a little protein (especially those high in tryptophan) at every meal or snack.
• Sugar is a simple carb that will raise your "feel-good" DOPAMINE levels quickly, but it also causes a sharp rise in insulin that will make you crash just as fast.  Go for the slow-release whole grain carbs combined with a little protein to insure that your body will keep producing "good-mood serotonin" all day long.

What Are the Best Foods to Eat for a Good Mood?

• Oatmeal, soy milk and two scrambled eggs. Here's the perfect breakfast to get your day off to a good start.   It's packed with 500 milligrams of tryptophan--the serotonin building block--& a whole grain to help the tryptophan cross the the blood-brain barrier while at the same time, slowing down the release of insulin into your bloodstream.  Dr. Susan Kleiner recommends 1 whole egg a day because the lecithin in the yolk does wonders for the brain.  If you are sensitive to dietary cholesterol (like I am) substitute egg whites, dairy or soy in order to get the tryptophan effect. 
• Dark leafy greens--kale, chard, collards or spinach.  Greens, beans & citrus are one of the best sources of folate--in addition to other B vitamins.  Dr. Brent Bauer of the Mayo Clinic's Complementary and Integrative Health Medicine Program says that lack of the B vitamin folate may  play a role in depression in some patients.  Dr. James Gordon, of DC's Center for Mind Body Medicine also advises supplementation of the B vitamins to prevent depression and manage stress.
• Quinoa.  Here's the perfect "good mood food" rolled into one. It's a complete high-quality protein--it's a whole grain carbohydrate--it's got fiber--and it's got just the right amount of high quality fat.  It slows down the release of insulin and provides a nice slow-drip supply of the mood-lifting serotonin building blocks straight into your brain.  It's delicious as a breakfast cereal or as a gourmet savory dinner.  Check out my quinoa recipes here and here.
• Cold water fatty fish high in Omega-3s or an Omega-3 supplement.  Omega-3s are one of the best things you can do for your brain and here's why.  According to Dr. Susan Kleiner, "Polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFA) in the membranes surrounding brain cells play a role in every step of serotonin function, including boosting mood and keeping it elevated. Brain cells must be relatively fluid in order to put the serotonin to work sending messages efficiently and effectively.  High concentrations of Omega-3s (a type of PUFA found in fatty fish) are critical to fluidity."  If you're afraid of the contamination of PCBs or heavy metals sometimes found in fish, take a high quality fish oil supplement &/or add ground flax seed & walnuts to your diet. Be sure to take a look at the very short YouTube video link that you'll find in the Comments section of this post! It's from Susan Allport, an expert on Omega-3s. You'll see rats who had the benefit of Omega-3's & rats who didn't!
• Broccoli and blueberries.  All the nutritional experts agree that these 2 are nutritional super foods loaded with antioxidants.  When you are under stress your body produces free radicals, which promotes inflammation and takes a nasty toll on your body.  Eating foods high in antioxidants will neutralize the effects of inflammation-induced stress.  As an added bonus, animal studies have shown that blueberries boost the brain's cognitive funciton and may help prevent Alzheimers.  Stay tuned.
• Vitamin D.  Dr. Bruce Hollis, the world's Vitamin D maven, says D has been shown to prevent Seasonal Affective Disorder.  It also has anti-inflammatory properties and increases the flexibility of cell membranes which helps the brain's neurotransmitters to work better.  Dr. Hollis advocates Vitamin D supplementation to be increased to a combined level of 2000 IUs a day (the current recommendation is just 400 IUs) and perhaps more for those living in Northern latitudes between October through April. Dr. Susan Kleiner advises her Seattle clients to get 15 minutes of sun exposure every day & increase their Vitamin D supplementation to improve their mood.  It has worked for them.

What Should You Avoid to Insure a Good Mood & Less Stress?

• Ditch the Red Meat!  Meat, corn oil, and some vegetable oils are high in Omega-6s, which are pro-inflammatory.  You need to increase the Omega-3s and decrease the Omega-6s.
• Fried foods.  Fried foods are high in saturated and trans fats.  They are counter-productive to maintaining the "fluid brain cell membranes" necessary for serotonin production. For "brain fluidity" you'll need Omega-3s that are found primarily in fish.  Alpha linolenic acid (ALA) is the vegetarian precursor to Omega-3 and it's found in soy, canola oil, flax seed and walnuts (and the oils of these foods).
• Junk food of all kinds.  Stay away from white foods--white sugar, white flour, corn syrup, high fructose syrup, and refined foods.  They lack the nutrients and fiber to keep you on an even keel.  As Dr. James Gordon says, "You'll often experience a feeling of well-being from the sugar when levels are high, but when it's low you experience a letdown or fatigue."
• Alcohol and caffeine.  Alcohol is a DEPRESSANT.  You might think it lifts your mood, but beware.  Keep amounts low and never drink before sleep.  It actually depletes the brain's supply of serotonin (the good mood chemical). Caffeine in small doses can give you a charge, but too much can make you jittery.  Dr. Kleiner strongly suggests limiting coffee intake to the morning only. According to registered dietitian Molly Siple, caffeine can block GABA (gamma-amino butyric acid), the brain's "feel-good" neurotransmitter.  GABA calms the mood, as well as the digestive tract.  And coffee and donuts are a double whammy according to Siple.  "Refined foods and caffeine tend to raise the blood glucose. The drop is route to depression."

It's All about Timing and Combining

• Don't get too hungry.  Try to eat a meal or a snack every two or three hours.  Even before bedtime, Dr. Kleiner advises a night cap of hot cocoa, made with nonfat or low fat milk or soy milk, and real (not Dutch processed) cocoa.
• Every meal or snack needs a balance of carbs, fats, and proteins.  Never snack on only carbs, even fruits and veggies. Add some nuts, nut butter or low fat cheese.
• Proper timing & combining will lift your mood, help you manage stress, and give you a boost in energy.  Really!

Do These Foods Work for Me?

• Yes! I'm almost always (knock on wood!) in a good mood. But I definitely notice that my mood sinks and my ability to handle stress drops when I fall off track; not eating every 3 hours; eating too many sweets; and having too much coffee.
• The coffee-GABA connection was news to me, and to be honest, I think it's about time to ditch my morning coffee habit.  It really does make me too wired.
• I noticed that lentils, garbanzos and soy beans are high in tryptophan, and as beans they are both a carb & a protein.  Sounds like another perfect food to me!
• Now that I understand how important the Omega-3's are to brain cell fluidity, I'm not going to skip my fish oil supplements, and I'm going to make a concerted effort to eat more fish.
• If you missed my  My Top 12 Super Food Favorites, you can check it out here.  Who knew that they were also the top foods for a good mood?
• I can't leave out the importance of regular exercise to maintaining a good mood & handling stress! Food-Exercise-Sleep!  The mighty three.

Good Mood Books

There is a lot of good science-backed advice out there about food & mood.

• The Good Mood Diet.  Dr. Susan Kleiner - I heard her speak before her book was released. Her advice is backed both by research and her experiences with pro-athletes, CEOs, and regular moms.
• SuperFoods Rx: Fourteen Foods That Will Change Your Life.  Dr. Steven Pratt
• Unstuck. Your Guide to the Seven-Stage Journey Out of Depression.  Dr. James Gordon
• SuperFoods Rx Diet.  Dr. Wendy Bazilian & Dr. Steven Pratt
• The 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth.  Dr. Jonny Bowden
• The Serotonin Power Diet.  Dr. Judith Wurtman (one of the first researchers to study food & mood) & Dr. Nina Frusztajer Marquis

The Power of Hello - A Lesson from Howard White and His Mother

“I speak to everyone I see, no matter where I am. I've learned that speaking to people creates a pathway into their world, and it lets them come into mine.”

-Howard White, Vice President of Nike's Jordan Brand & "This I Believe" essay author-

I had never heard of Howard White or his mother before today.  When I read his NPR "This I Believe" essay I realized he learned something from his mom, that I learned from my sons.

In my younger, shyer, self-conscious, more insecure days I admit to not always saying, "Hello" to people I knew, let alone strangers.  Sometimes I was in too much of a hurry--or it felt too awkward to say hello to someone I didn't know well to start with, or hadn't seen in years.  Or I didn't want to have to answer a lot of questions. It was a nasty habit.  I even admit to occasionally pretending to be engrossed in a conversation with someone else, just so that I could avoid saying, "Hello"  to someone else.  Ick!!

But something switched in my brain over the years.  Here's a case where my kids taught me how to behave.  I noticed that as they got older they knew everyone--and they made an easy practice of talking to strangers.  They had no problem traveling by themselves to foreign countries and they met people wherever they went.

I decided I wanted to be like them.  And I decided to start with baby steps. (ignore the similarity to Bill Murray's "What about Bob?")  First I would say hello by name to all the service people I meet up with everyday.  Tina at the dry cleaners, Sid and Nancy at the gym, Marcy at the library, and Debby at the grocery store.

Then I decided it was time to introduce myself.  I knew their names.  They should know mine. I really started to enjoy life in the "up close and personal zone".  And I made it a rule to never miss an opportunity to say, "Hello".

From there I progressed to striking up conversations with people I saw everyday in passing at work, in the locker room, or in my exercise classes, but hadn't actually spoken to before.   All of sudden I knew about the lives, interests, and families of scores of people who I had never talked to before.

I was never a person "who made the first move."  Turns out, most people are that way, and someone has to "make the first move," or relationships don't happen.

A couple of people who I had mistakenly thought were sourpusses were nothing of the sort.  They were friendly interesting engaging people who just don't say "Hello" to people they don't know.  They were just like I was.

Today, I can't imagine greeting everyone with whom I make eye contact, at least with a smile. (well, within reason--I am sensible--after all)  Grocery lines, movie lines, restroom lines, ferry boats--all are opportunities to learn something new.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Howard White says it a lot better than I can.  His original essay was read on NPR on August 14, 2008.

The Power of 'Hello'  by Howard White

I work at a company where there are about a gazillion employees. I can't say that I know them all by name, but I know my fair share of them. I think that almost all of them know me. I'd say that's the reason I've been able to go wherever it is I've made it to in this world. It's all based on one simple principle: I believe every single person deserves to be acknowledged, however small or simple the greeting.

When I was about 10 years old, I was walking down the street with my mother. She stopped to speak to Mr. Lee. I was busy trying to bulls-eye the "O" in the stop sign with a rock. I knew I could see Mr. Lee any old time around the neighborhood, so I didn't pay any attention to him.

After we passed Mr. Lee, my mother stopped me and said something that has stuck with me from that day until now. She said, "You let that be the last time you ever walk by somebody and not open up your mouth to speak, because even a dog can wag its tail when it passes you on the street."

That phrase sounds simple, but it's been a guidepost for me and the foundation of who I am.

When you write an essay like this, you look in the mirror and see who you are and what makes up your character. I realized mine was cemented that day when I was 10 years old. Even then, I started to see that when I spoke to someone, they spoke back. And that felt good.

It's not just something I believe in; it's become a way of life. I believe that every person deserves to feel someone acknowledge their presence, no matter how humble they may be or even how important.

At work, I always used to say hello to the founder of the company and ask him how our business was doing. But I was also speaking to the people in the cafe and the people that cleaned the buildings, and asked how their children were doing. I remembered after a few years of passing by the founder, I had the courage to ask him for a meeting. We had a great talk. At a certain point, I asked him how far he thought I could in go in his company. He said, "If you want to, you can get all the way to this seat."

I've become vice president, but that hasn't changed the way I approach people. I still follow my mother's advice. I speak to everyone I see, no matter where I am. I've learned that speaking to people creates a pathway into their world, and it lets them come into mine, too.

The day you speak to someone who has their head held down and when they lift it up and smile, you realize how powerful it is just to open your mouth and say, "Hello."

Google May Be Good For The Brain After All! Dr. Gary Small's Good News.

  

Functional MRI brain scans show neural activity (red) in a volunteer reading, left, and searching Google, right.

UCLA

"Our most striking finding was that Internet searching appears to engage a greater extent of neural circuitry that is not activated during reading--but only in those with prior Internet experience.  The study results are encouraging that emerging computerized technologies may have physiological effects and potential benefits for middle-aged and older adults.  Internet searching engages complicated brain activity, which may help exercise and improve brain function."

Dr. Gary Small, Director of the UCLA Memory and Aging Research Center

Woo Hoo! Dr. Small's study, which is due to be published in the upcoming issue of The American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry is the best news I've heard all week!  In the July/August 2008 issue of the Atlantic Monthly,  Nicholas Carr's essay asked, "Is Google Making Us Stupid?"  For so many of us Internet addicts, the reading of books, magazines and "hard copy" newspapers has taken a backseat.  And we can hardly keep up--there is too much to read--and too much to learn on the Net.  Carr makes the assumption that "book reading" beats Web Surfing hands-down.  I'm so happy to learn that he may be wrong!

Dr.  Gary Small of UCLA looked at the brains of 24 volunteers, aged 55-76, while they searched the Internet, and while they read books. Only half of the group were experienced Internet searchers.

He measured their brain activity while reading and Web surfing using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). The fMRI recorded both brain-circuitry changes and the level of cerebral blood flow during both of these activities.

Both groups showed significant brain activity while reading, which stimulated the parts of the brain responsible for language, reading, memory and visual abilities. See the scan on the left.

But the exiting news is what happened when the 2 groups searched the Web.  Only the Web-savvy searchers registered a dramatic surge in the decision-making and complex-reasoning parts of the brain. And their brain activity was over twice as large as the inexperienced groups'.  See the scan on the right.

The brain activity is measured by the fMRI with a unit called a VOXEL. The savvy-searchers hit 21,782 voxels while they web surfed, compared to only 8,646 voxels for the newby-searchers.  It's all about VOXELS when it comes to the brain!

I was surprised to learn that the decision-making & complex-reasoning parts of the brain were only activated during Internet searching, not while reading.  Both Nicholas Carr and I had wrongly assumed that reading ruled in the brain-building world.  I am not going to feel guilty about ignoring books over my laptop ever again!  And you shouldn't either.  Maybe.

Dr. Small hypothesizes that the decision-making and complex-reasoning parts of the brain weren't engaged in the Internet-newbies because they hadn't yet grasped the strategies needed to maneuver around the web. 

More of the brain is engaged while web surfing, as compared to reading, because the wealth of choices presented requires us to make decisions about what we want to click on, and what's going to be useful info.  Dr. Small says this activity is engaging important cognitive circuits in our brain.

The good news is, according to Small, "A simple, everyday task like searching the Web appears to enhance brain circuitry in older adults, demonstrating that our brains are sensitive and can continue to learn as we grow older."  Thank goodness!

Randy Bucker, a Harvard neuroscientist has a different take on the study.  He wonders if "completely novel activities influence brain activity or if it's the activity of Web searching itself that causes a leap in brain bustle."  If his theory were right, wouldn't the inexperienced searchers have had the greater increase in their fMRIs, rather than the savvy-searchers?

In any event, it's use it or lose it.  As we age our brains inevitably shrink, the cell activity is reduced, and our performance diminishes.  Isn't it fantastic to think that something like searching the Internet may actually prevent the inevitable from happening?  I certainly hope so.

For anyone who is interested, Dr. Small just co-published a new book, called iBrain: Surviving the Technological Alteration of the Modern Mind, (HarperCollins 2008) "that explores how the the older generation can keep up with the younger generation in an increasingly technological world."

Adverse Effects - The Case for Patient Empowerment!

 

We physicians enjoy our kingdoms and we don’t take kindly to challengers. Yet the occasional physician who embraces her patient’s empowerment often discovers a gem—a patient who is engaged, adherent, and motivated to get well.

    -Dr. Delia Chiaramonte, JAMA Sept. 24, 2008-

  

 I just finished reading Judith Warner's own story, Adverse Effects in the New York Times and wanted to pass it on.  It's definitely worth reading in its entirety.

Ms. Warner suffers from miserable migraines that she was finally able to keep under control with a combination of acupuncture, eliminating coffee and practicing meditation.

But then--and doesn't this always happen?...

• Her acupuncturist moved away
• Her beloved neurologist quit private practice
• Her mother got seriously ill
• She was face-to-face with a due-or-die book deadline
• The economy collapsed
• Ragweed season hit

The headache from hell returned.  She saw a new doctor.  She got a a new migraine-preventive medicine (that sounds to me like Topamax) & she just about lost her mind.  Here's an excerpt about what happened when she finally called her doctor to tell him something had gone terrible wrong:

"The doctor’s office — that is to say a nurse — returned my call at 5:15. I had decided on my own by then to taper off my dosage but was still feeling wretched and wasn’t inclined to let her off the phone easily.

Didn’t doctors usually react quickly — and with some concern — when patients reported adverse drug reactions? (According to Sidney Wolfe, the director of the health research group at the non-profit Public Citizen, adverse drug reactions kill about 100,000 people a year and land 1.5 million in the hospital.)

Well, she said, not in this case. “It wasn’t something that was particularly unpredictable.”

No, it really wasn’t.

It isn’t unpredictable that a patient will get little or no information on drug side effects from her doctor — or any kind of real responsiveness if she has a bad reaction. Studies 20 years ago showed doctors to be particularly unresponsive when it came to such concerns, and there’s been no sign of progress since then, Wolfe told me. “There’s pitifully low awareness,” he said.

It doesn’t much matter in the grand scheme of things if someone semi-loses her mind, then gets it back again. The case isn’t one for the record books; that was made clear to me by the nurse, who eventually promised — the next day, when my powers of speech had been fully restored, along with my ability to effectively harangue — that she would indeed relay my story to the doctor."

Think about all the seniors out there--those who are unable to advocate for themselves--or folks who aren't able to their own research--or people who don't call their doctors with suspicious adverse affects.  What happens to them?

As Dr. Servan-Schreiber realized when his oncologist told him, "Lead your life normally.  We'll do CAT scans at regular intervals and if your tumor comes back we'll detect it early,"   that being a passive patient doesn't work!  He lived his life normally &  his cancer returned.  He finally came to the only conclusion a thinking person can come to:  No one cares as much about your health as you do.  And you have to take an active role--pay attention or suffer the consequences.

It's too bad we can't just take a pill and get healthy.  It works great for infections--but not always so well for chronic diseases that are years in the making.  It's too bad that our health is affected by food, exercise, stress and the environment.  But isn't it heartening to know that those are all things that we can do something about ourselves, without a prescription?

Last week I received an email from a physician who is a strong advocate for Patient Empowerment--patients taking an active role in their own health care, along with their physician. It's her belief that the active knowledgeable patient is the ideal patient & the one who has the best chance of a good treatment outcome.

Dr. Delia Chiaramonte's A Piece of My Mind essay in the September 24, 2008 issue of JAMA is spot on.  Pay attention & participate in your own health.

Who’s Afraid of the Empowered Patient?  by Dr. Delia Chiaramonte

 
       HERE, FEEL THIS,” MY FRIEND SAID, LIFTING HER SHIRT.
Under my fingers, in her 41-year-old breast, was a
rock-hard mass.

       After a hellish 6 months of crippling nausea, fatigue, and
the amputation of one of her breasts, Shelly (not her real name)
felt battered, poisoned even, by her wild ride through the medi-
cal machine. She wanted a new breast, a good one, and she
hoped her research would help her get one. She learned about
the TRAM flap, implants, and a newer procedure called the
DIEP. The TRAM flap, which uses abdominal skin and fat to
create a breast, would require the sacrifice of all or part of her
rectus abdominis muscle. The DIEP, on the other hand, would
preserve her abdominal muscles and allow for a quicker re-
covery. She had consulted her support group, her sister the
nurse, her friend the physician, and, of course, the Internet.
She knew what she wanted—the DIEP procedure—and she
had dutifully followed the steps to get it—a referral to an in-
network plastic surgeon, weeks of waiting, then baring her
misshapen chest to the studying eyes of a stranger.

       “We’ll do a TRAM flap,” the surgeon said brusquely, not
leaving room for dissent. “What about a DIEP?” Shelly asked,
more meekly than she intended. “No. You should have a
TRAM flap,” the surgeon said. Case closed.

       She called me, her doctor friend, crying. “Why won’t he
do a DIEP?” she asked with a quivering voice. Then she
sobbed more than she had after learning she had cancer. This
was about more than a procedure. She had given up so
much—her flesh, her hair, her dignity. Her battered psyche
was fighting to regain a crumb of control. Her hours of re-
search, discussion, and ultimate decision about her recon-
struction procedure were symbolic of a woman taking back
control of her body and her life. With a dismissive “No,”
her surgeon had pulled the rug out from under her shaky
feet and left her in a withered heap on the ground.

        “I’ll bet he doesn’t even do the DIEP,” I said. “What?” she
asked incredulously. “Wouldn’t he have just said that?” I
was feeling cynical. “Maybe. Maybe he would have told you,
or maybe he just wanted you to have the procedure that he
knows how to do. Why don’t you ask him?”

    That conversation didn’t go well. The surgeon didn’t feel
like being challenged by this “empowered patient” and didn’t
bother to hide his irritation. “I don’t do that procedure and
neither does anyone else in the network, so you can’t have
it,” he said with annoyance. What he didn’t say was “I don’t
do the DIEP, but I know a great doctor who does. He’s out
of network, but since there isn’t anyone in network who does
it, your HMO will still pay.” Why, in honor of physicians
everywhere, didn’t he say that?

    The most cynical among us might guess that it was all
about money. After all, if he referred her to another sur-
geon he couldn’t bill for his services. I disagree. I think that
to understand this disordered interaction we need to look
deeper into the shadows, to see the threatened ego and the
battle for control. My friend was trying to steer the health
care encounter to meet her needs, but her surgeon wrestled
the steering wheel from her hands in order to meet his own
need for control.

    It would be easy to judge him. We would be more ac-
commodating, more caring, right? Perhaps. It is woven into
our self-concept that we put our patients’ needs above our
own, but is that really what we do? We do give up sleep,
meals, and family time, but how readily do we give up con-
trol? For people facing serious illnesses, the profound loss
of control of their bodies, their lives, and their future is a
significant source of suffering. We have the power to give
back some of that control and ease their suffering. But we
can be stingy.

    Yet patients can be stingy too—stingy with their respect
and their gratitude. For all our hard-earned knowledge and
personal sacrifice, don’t we deserve a little reverence? Of
course we do. However, whether we deserve it or not is ir-
relevant because times have changed. Patients are no longer
passive and adoring, and our relationship is no longer hi-
erarchical and paternalistic. It is when we see this change
as a demotion, rather than as an evolution, that our hack-
les get raised.

    Rather than being impressed by their patients’ empower-
ment or inspired by their quest for wellness, some physi-
cians are suspicious and occasionally blatantly hostile
toward patients who demand an active role in their health
care. We physicians enjoy our kingdoms and we don’t take
kindly to challengers. Yet the occasional physician who
embraces her patient’ s empowerment often discovers a
gem—a patient who is engaged, adherent, and motivated
to get well.

    A truly empowered patient is the ideal patient. Empow-
ered patients will challenge us, yes, but they will also take
their medicine and go for their tests. They will ask when
they don’t understand our instructions rather than simply
ignoring them. And, most important, they will be more likely
to get well, which will make us feel successful.

    Are some of them bossy and overbearing? Absolutely.
Some patients attack our suggestions, question our wis-
dom, and doubt our compassion. In their misguided at-
tempts at empowerment they manage to alienate the very
people they are paying to make them well.

    Often their attitudes clash with our egos and communi-
cation breaks down. They insist and we resist. Their frus-
tration feeds our annoyance. The irony is that we, patients
and physicians, have the same compelling goals. We both
wholeheartedly want a healthy and satisfied patient. Yet we
often find ourselves firmly planted on opposite sides of the
health care fence. We tout evidence-based medicine, but our
patient wants Reiki. We suggest a local oncologist, but our
patient wants a national expert. We wish for patients who
respect our knowledge and skills, yet we get ones who de-
mand inappropriate antibiotics and plunk piles of Internet
printouts on our desks.

    Is there a solution? Can physicians and patients get back
on the same team? I think we can.

    Just as in any relationship, it is not as much what you say
as how you say it. “My last doctor always gave me antibi-
otics for this” is irritating and hostile. But “I’m going on va-
cation next week. Could I have an antibiotic that I’ll only
fill if I’m not better by Monday?” isn’t as bad.

    Behind the brash tough-guy patient is a frightened per-
son who has been robbed of his health and safety. What may
seem commonplace to us, like cancer, diabetes, and heart
disease, are life-altering experiences for our patients. Of-
fering humanity and quiet presence along with our knowl-
edge brings comfort. A patient grasping for a shred of con-
trol as his health spirals downward isn’t trying to annoy us.
He is simply doing the best he can.

    Empathy is contagious. Perhaps as we acknowledge our
patients’ need for control they will understand our need for
respect and trust. As collaborative partners we will be stron-
ger. We will strive for medical excellence, rekindle the pa-
tient-physician relationship, and, most important, bring the
heart and soul back into medicine.

Delia Chiaramonte, MD
Baltimore, Maryland
[email protected]

Who Do You Tell When You Have Good News to Share? Part 2

"Good, the more communicated, more abundant grows."

 -John Milton, Paradise Lost, Book V-

Last May I wrote a post about the pluses and minuses of sharing good news.

Who do you run to first to share wonderful news?

It's the people in your life who are going to be thrilled for you--who know how to celebrate.

But--not everyone is going to react to your good news in the same way!

Gretchen Rubin who writes The Happiness Project Blog, says one of rules for being a true friend is:

Be supportive when your friend has good news. This is trickier; surprisingly, it’s sometimes harder to be supportive when someone gets a promotion, gets engaged, or enjoys other good fortune, than it is to be supportive when someone is going through a hard time.

I've reprinted my entire May post below, because it was "spot on" correct with my own experience this week when I had exciting news to share.  I'd love to hear if others have had similar experiences.

On Sunday I was ecstatic with exciting news.  My oldest son was in the Sunday New York Times Magazine.  Not only was I so proud and excited for him, but the New York Times is one of my most favorite reads!  It was a positive interesting article with a full page photo of him.  Wow!  I got up early so I could get a couple of copies of the paper before it sold out & headed straight to my spinning (cycling) class.  I couldn't wait to share the news with my gym buddies.

On the way home (finally a respectable hour to call) I talked to my sister, relatives & some friends.

Then I dashed to my computer & emailed a copy of the online article to everyone in my address book who I thought might be interested---including some folks I haven't talked to for a awhile!

Then I ran over to my neighbors with the magazine in hand. I couldn't wait to show them the article.

Then I took the magazine with me to work the next day, just bursting to show my co-workers.

Honestly---I kept thinking, "Who is this crazy lady?"  I don't do this kind of stuff.  I'm usually hesitant and quiet about sharing good news--but I just let my exuberance play itself out--and enjoyed the joy of this delicious experience.

So, What Did I Learn about Sharing Good News?

• "Good, the more communicated, more abundant grows!", John Milton says.   I acted uncharacteristically and I shared my news--and I'm so glad I did!  I heard back from most everyone to whom I emailed the story--and every reply just made me even happier.  Thank you to everyone!  Take home point: Hit the reply button immediately and share your friend's excitement.

• I haven't heard back from everyone, but that's to be expected.  Emails land in SPAM or are overlooked; people are busy or procrastinate or forget or are out-of-town or don't care.  Some people don't think replies are necessary.  That happens to be a personal pet peeve of mine--but I'll save that for another day.
• Trust your instincts about who you share good news with!  When I got into work on Monday my boss had already read the article & she was very excited about it.  But then she said something interesting (to the effect of), "I thought about bringing the magazine in for everyone to see, but then I thought, it's not something that everyone would necessarily appreciate, or that you would want to share with everyone." At first I was surprised by her comment--but really, she's quite a wise woman.  I shared my copy with everyone at work who either knows my son or knows of him--people who I thought would appreciate the article.  Once again, their excitement was a joy for me.  But then I thought--why make assumptions--be generous with my good news.  After all, I love it when people share their news with me!  So, I showed the story to someone I normally wouldn't have shared with.  Her reaction could best be described as odd, off-base, and clueless.  Coincidently, my husband had the same flat experience when he shared the story with some people with whom he normally wouldn't have shared good news.  Take home point: Trust your instincts when sharing good news! You know who will care.
  
• Best ways to respond to someone's good news:  Scream, "Oh, my God!"; give a big hug; ask questions; call or email them; show enthusiasm and excitement!
• I was overwhelmed by the generosity of the enthusiasm of others, and will absolutely reciprocate at every opportunity.
• People consistently fell into the Gable & Reis' four categories of reactions to positive news. See below to know what the heck I'm talking about!  I will always run to the "active-constructive" folks first!  There were some passive-constructive responses, but hey, we're all different personalities. I didn't encounter any truly active-destructive people--although a couple people had odd-ball comments that took the "wind out of my sails."  And interestingly, my instincts protected me from the passive-destructive folks--the one's who just don't care.  They just never heard my news!

The Original May 5th Post: Who Do You Tell When Something Wonderful Just Happened?

Who are you going to call?  You just got the job.  Got into medical school.  Found out you're pregnant.  Got the "all clear" on your MRI.  Or your son got engaged, accepted to Harvard Law, and took a job making six figures.

First I call my husband, then my kids, then my sister & sister-in-law, then my friends.  My mom would probably be first on that list if she were still alive.  Moms are definitely the guaranteed number one cheer-leading booster squad in your life.  After all, your good news is their good news.

But sometimes, at least for me, it can be complicated.  Sometimes I have a problem sharing good news.  It's hard for me to share good news when I know someone is experiencing their own disappointments.  How do you share your pregnancy with a friend who has been trying to get pregnant for months?  How do you share your daughter's great job offer with a friend whose daughter moved back home?

And then I've also got my own goofy mishigas (Yiddish for craziness) about divulging my good news.  It's a mixture of the fear of the "evil eye" and a crazy aversion to looking like a braggart.  As if drawing attention to my own good fortune will tempt fate to throw something terrible my way.  Definitely, my mishigas!

And can you be happy and enthusiastic for your friend when your own heart is breaking?  It's  complicated.

I was reminded of all of this yesterday when I read David J. Pollay's "right on post", called Who Do You Run To?  He shares the exhilaration he felt in fifth grade when he broke his school record for the 50 yard dash.  He couldn't wait to go home for lunch and share his good news with his mom.  His mom pumped him for every detail of his victory.  Then they called his dad & he got to share his awesome news all over again.  He'll never forget that day.  He says, "It was one of the best days of my life."

Back in 2004 Shelly Gable of UCLA and Harry Reis of the University of Rochester published "What Do You Do When Things Go Right?  The Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Benefits of Sharing Positive Events"  in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 

They came up with four ways people respond to someone else's good news.

• Active-Constructive response: They're thrilled, they want to know all the details, "they're almost more happy than I am."  And you are so glad you shared your news with them.
• Passive-Constructive response:  They're the quiet type.  They listen actively, they're happy for you, they're supportive, but you're pretty much going to be giving a monologue.  No pumping for details here.
• Active-Destructive response:  They're going to give you the down-side of your good news.  They'll point out all the possible problems, and remind you that everything good has a bad side.  They're really going to take the wind out of your sails.
• Passive-Destructive response:  They're not going to give you much attention at all.  They'll seem disinterested, or give you the impression they don't really care.

So who do you think you're going to be sharing your good news with?  And more importantly, how do you react when your friends and family share their good news with you?  Want to be that go-to-person-for-sharing-good-news?  Active-Constructive leads the pack.

Having an enthusiastic cheerleader in your life was positively correlated with higher relationship well-being, like improved intimacy, bonding and marital satisfaction. 

Personally, I love to hear good news.  And anyone who shares their good news with me knows ahead of time they're going to get lots of questions!

Movies With Meaning Update: "Happy-Go-Lucky" Opens Today!

Sally Hawkins, left, with Alexis Zegerman, plays a spirited London schoolteacher in "Happy-Go-Lucky."

Buried near the bottom of my "Movies with Meaning" post on Monday, October 6, 2008 is a 5-star recommendation from critics Frederic & Mary Ann Brussat for this just-released movie .  They said this was, "One of the best portraits of an enthusiastic person ever put on the screen."

The movie opens today, Friday, October 10, 2008 in New York, San Francisco, and Los Angeles.  I sure hope it makes its way to my neck of the woods sometime soon.

The NYT gives it a Top Critic's Pic.  Kind of surprising, when even they say,

"Movies sometimes seem made for misery, for rivers of tears, stormy skies and third-act woe. Happiness is for suckers and Disney Inc. But happiness is a complicated, difficult matter..."

Read their review here.  It's a long one-though.  With all the depressing news surrounding us all, a movie about happiness opening in New York City seems like perfect timing.

One reader's enthusiastic comments:

Love Conquers, but not how you expect

Happy-Go-Lucky is nothing short of a masterpiece: it manages the singularly difficult trick of conveying the existential richness of happiness and its consequences for others. Poppy is a complex, fully-rounded character who also happens to be genuinely 'happy' from one moment to the next. We see her in many different situations responding with empathy for others because she herself is content with her lot; Leigh's 'lesson' here (and he has often been a very didactic writer/director) is surely one of love and compassion being the most sensible course in life - everything good flows from it. I found this movie fairly overwhelming at first blush - I admit it, I was completely suckered and deliriously happy for days afterward - but a second viewing reveals more of its contrivances. Nevertheless, the odd parallels of the schoolyard bully/bullied adult/disturbed social outcast provide a sobering counterpoint to the healthy behaviour of Poppy and her peers. More than any contemporary movie I can recall, Happy-Go-Lucky is an unabashed valentine to the human condition.

- grantc11
                                                                                  

Written and directed by Mike Leigh; director of photography, Dick Pope; edited by Jim Clark; music by Gary Yershon; production designer, Mike Tildesley; produced by Simon Channing Williams; released by Miramax Films. Running time: 1 hour 58 minutes.

WITH: Sally Hawkins (Poppy), Eddie Marsan (Scott), Alexis Zegerman (Zoe), Andrea Riseborough (Dawn), Sinéad Matthews (Alice), Kate O’Flynn (Suzy), Sarah Niles (Tash), Sylvestra le Touzel (Heather), Karina Fernandez (Flamenco Teacher) and Stanley Townsend (Tramp).

                                

Transforming Traditions - Rice, Beans & Squash and When Friends Become Family

 

No brisket or matzo ball soup for me.

I'm making Butternut Squash and Apple Bisque.  Rice Salad with Roasted Red Peppers, Chickpeas and Feta Cheese.

No family coming home for this midweek Yom Kippur holiday.

I'm celebrating with friends who have become family.

Am I depressed? 

No, I'm grateful. Let me explain.

Sometimes you just have to transform the traditional.  Holiday fare doesn't always have to be brisket and matzoh ball soup.  Holidays can't always be celebrated with your family.  You can transform humble fare like rice, beans and squash into something truly spectacular.  And if your family lives out-of-town, your friends can be transformed into family.  "Find a way to be grateful for what you do have."

On Monday at the gym I worked out on the weight machines & listened again to Rabbi Sharon Brous' High Holiday interview with Krista Tippett on "Speaking of Faith".

Here's what I remember most:

Think about what you have, not what you lack.

Rabbi Brous:  So many people walk around in life so aware of what they don't have, what they long for: the love that they haven't found yet,the absence. They're so aware of the absence and what Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel says to us is, 'Look at the presents and figure out what you do have. Look at the world with awe and wonder, and the amazing miracle that your skin holds the blood inside your body.'  That nature works the way that it works, that the world is as extraordinary as it is--because there are so many things wrong--but there are so many incredible blessings around us. And part of our spiritual challenge he says, "is to understand that it is gratefulness that makes the soul great." And so, find a way to be grateful for what we do have because it's simply not fair to live in a world and only be conscious of what you do not have.

Think about what's really important in life.

Rabbi Brous:   Unetane Tokef--this incredible climactic prayer that comes in the High Holy Day services, is kind of pushing us to engage in the reality and possibility of our own death---who will live and who will die. I mean, what this prayer basically says is: Realize that you cannot control if you will live or die, but you can control the way that you're going to live over the course of the year--and that's not some big amorphous ambiguous statement, like "feel good."  But it actually means: go out and do these three things:

• Build a spiritual life for yourself.
• Fix your relationships.
• And fight for justice in the world.

Because ultimately those are the three things that matter in life.

 

Yom Kippur comes in the middle of the week this year--as it does on so many years.  My family is spread across the country and as much as we'd all like to be together, it's just not possible this year.

The same goes for my friends and their families.  We're empty-nesters. Our kids are out-of-town--our parents have passed away or live out-of-town.  Our siblings live in other cities.  But for many years now we've shared the holidays with each other, taking turns, and including each others' family when they are in town.  My friends have become family and the circle just seems to grow & expand in interesting ways.

My high school friends + college friends + our friends' friends + Fran's work friends + friends I've met through volunteering + Joyce's assorted friends + our relatives + our children (& their friends) when they're in town + each other's neighbors.  The guest list always changes, except for the core--my friends who have become family.

Last March I wrote about friendship and included this excerpt from an article from the New York Times, written by Sally Friedman and sent to me by my dear NY college friends.

Friedman writes about a group of college friends who have been getting together for the Rutgers Homecoming every year since 1961, and "How sweet it is."

"We had hit the stage of life when friends become family, something you may have to live in order to understand.

We needed one another more than ever.  Our parents were all gone, our children were far-flung, and some of us had even lost easy contact with siblings who had moved to places with lyric names in Arizona."   (note to my sib & sibs-in-law:  this does NOT apply to you!)

RICE, BEANS, AND SQUASH TRANSFORMED - Here's what's cooking in my kitchen for Yom Kippur.

Butternut Squash and Apple Bisque - from Laura Samuel Meyn

1 medium butternut squash (about 2 1/2 lbs) (my shortcut: buy the precut butternut squash at Trader Joe's
1 TBS olive oil + 2 TBS (to saute the onions)
1 medium white onion, peeled and chopped.
1 1/2 cups chopped carrots (my shortcut: use pre-shredded carrots)
2 medium Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and chopped
1 TBS chopped peeled fresh ginger
4 cups vegetable broth
2 cups water (or substitute 1 cup apple cider for 1 cup of water)
2 TBS dark brown sugar
1/2 cup fat-free cream or soymilk creamer
2 tsp garam masala (available in the spice aisle of many supermarkets) (add more if you like)

 

1. Heat oven to 400 degrees.  Cut butternut squash in half lengthwise.  Using a spoon or melon baller, remove seeds and discard.  Place squash halves, cut side up, in large baking dish.  Brush cut sides of squash with olive oil.  Roast squash until tender, about 1 hour.  If using the precut squash, mix with a tablespoon of olive oil & roast until tender, could be as quick at 15-20 minutes.

2. Heat up remaining 2 TBS of olive oil in a large heavy pot over medium heat.  Add onion and saute for 5 minutes.  Add carrots and saute vegetables until tender and beginning to brown, about 8 minutes longer.  Add apples and ginger; saute 2 minutes.  Stir in broth,  water (or cider), and brown sugar (may want to omit if using cider).  Using a spoon scoop roasted squash from the rind & add to the soup. Cover soup and bring to boil; uncover, reduce heat to medium-low, and simmer until apples and all vegetabls are very tender, about 20 minutes.  Cool slightly.

 

 

3.  Working in batches, puree soup in blender (or use an immersion blender). Return to pot.  Stir in 1/2 cup of the cream.  Stir in enough water to thin soup, to desired consistency, about 1 cup.  Return soup to simmer.  Stir in garam masala.  I use a lot--but add slowly & keep tasting. Season soup to taste with salt and additional brown sugar or garam masala.  Soup can be made up to a day ahead.

Yield:  8 servings

 

Rice Salad with Roasted Red Peppers, Chickpeas, and Feta Cheese- from Jeanne Lemlin's "Simple Vegetarian Pleasures".

2 1/2-3 cups cold cooked brown rice (Made from 1 cup rice boiled in 2 1/4 cups water)
1 (16 oz.) can chickpeas, rinsed well and drained
3/4 cup crumbled feta cheese
2/3 diced roasted red peppers, store-bought or freshly roasted
1/2 cup chopped fresh Italian parsley
1/4 cup chopped fresh dill
3 scallions, very thinly sliced

The Dressing

1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
2 garlic cloves, pressed or minced
Generous seasoning freshly ground black pepper
Salt
1/4 Cup olive oil

1. Combine the rice, chickpeas, feta cheese, peppers, parsley, dill, and scallions in a large bowl & toss well.

2. Combine all the dressing ingredients in a jar with a tight-fitting lid and shake vigorously.  Pour the dressing on the rice mixture and mix thoroughly.  Let sit at least 1 hour or up to 8 hours before serving.  Serve at room temperature.

Yield:  4 main dish servings.

 

 

Wishing You All A Happy Healthy Long Life