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December 26, 2008



Bravo on the entry! And congratulations on the day!!


And a fine day it was all those 37 years ago. We know you are spatially challenged; but we love you and the big guy all the more.


"Nagging never works"
I am not yet married but in a long term relationship, I was wondering what your (or anyone elses) thoughts are on where the fine line between nagging and asking someone to do something (repeatedly, because it needs doing) is? Our relationship suffers partly because of my nagging but I have curbed it tremendously and it still causes rifts, and I was wondering if anyone has any strategies or thoughts on combating this problem?

The Healthy Librarian

I'm going to ask my husband what he thinks works better than my nagging--in my opinion, it's 2 things. 1.) Timing. Only bring up "X chore or behavior" at a time when you don't need it done, when you're both in good moods, rested & it's a good time to talk about something touchy 2.) Give each other some slack & understanding--within limits of course. Think how much you wouldn't want to do something if someone was constantly nagging you.

Great article to read about this--it was on the NYT most emailed list for over a year:

What Shamu Taught Me about a Happy Marriage.

Of course it really helps if your spouse/partner is a reasonable-understanding-hard-working person who does enjoy making you happy.


Well, I don't know if this will work for you--it works for me because my husband responds to logic well, but he's forgetful. So I'll tell him something like--"baby, can you take out the garbage now, because if you don't, I'm afraid you'll forget to in the morning and then the trash can will be too full for next time (or I'll have to do it and I have a bad back so it's difficult for me, or whatever reason you have.) So I sort of give him the whole rationale as to why I need him to do whatever at whatever time I need him to do it.

Adam Miner

My marriage is one of the most important aspects of my life. I think that marriage is one of the best ways to find happiness in this life.

Check out this link to an article that compares happiness to food:


Just read your post in the online. Excellent distillation of a lot of good advice.

Thank you!

married 15 years

Maria E. Dyer

I came to this blog while reading about the resilience of modern marriage. I have been happily married for 29 years. My husband is my best friend. Our best activity is that we dance crazily at every Wedding we've ever attended. We walk together every Sunday and on his days off. We are opposites and it's taken me many Groundhog Days to get some things right. We have two loving and beautiful daughters who are living wonderful lives and seem happy. We go to Church together. Everyone notices how well we get along. We can both be very annoying, but each of us has learned to be kind and loving even if that's not our first reaction to being annoyed.

The Healthy Librarian

Hi Maria,

Thanks for sending your comment. I love it! Dancing, walking, worshiping together, making Groundhog Day readjustments, and above all being kind makes it all work--no matter how different or annoying we or our spouses can be at times. Sounds like you & your husband both picked a winner!


Followed your link from a NYT comment board, and I'm glad I did. There's a goldmine of down-to-earth advice here. Thank you for passing along your wisdom.

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