Happy Healthy Long Life

What I Learned From Paul Bloom About My Multiple Personalities - My Long-Term & Short-Term Selves - and the Happiness of Doing Things Differently!

"Life would be swell if all the selves inhabiting a single mind worked as a team, pulling together for a common goal. But they clash, and sometimes this gives rise to what we call addictions and compulsions. The iconic image, from a million movies and cartoons, is of a person with an angel over one shoulder and the devil over the other. The competing selves are not over your shoulder, but inside your head: the angel and the devil, the self who wants to be slim and the one who wants to eat the cake, all exist within one person."

-Paul Bloom, Yale psychology professor,  "First Person Plural"  The Atlantic, November 2008-

It's Saturday morning.  I'm sitting at the kitchen island being lazy.  Not slug lazy---but my version of lazy---drinking coffee and reading a totally fascinating & cool article by Paul Bloom in a year old issue of The Atlantic.  Like all looooonnnnggg Atlantic articles, I've got to summon up my "better self" to concentrate & read it thoroughly.  That's my compulsion.

But wait...this article--as cool as it is--is sounding strangely familiar.  Oh, now I remember.  I read something like this two weeks ago.   Bingo!  It was Bloom's provocative September 15, 2009 essay, "The Long and Short of It" in the New York Times "Happy Days" blog. 

It's way shorter than the Atlantic piece (but really the Atlantic article is worth reading!).  Here's a snippet:

"Do you live a good and happy life or do you satisfy your immediate appetites?  Is it better to be Happy Socrates or Happy Homer Simpson?"

"You can see this as an internal battle between two individuals residing in the same body: one who wants to be thin, sober and chaste, the other who wants to eat, drink and fornicate. It’s the long-term self who is probably reading this now; this is the self that chooses to go to the therapist and read self-help books, working to thwart the short-term self when it comes to life in the presence of temptation. We shouldn’t underestimate the short-term self, though. It is not necessarily evil and not necessarily stupid. Sometimes the long-term self should stay out of its way.

....sometimes we deprive ourselves of perfectly good pleasures, including those involving love and companionship, because of the decisions of the long-term self. Think of the workaholic who never sees his children, or the anorexic who denies herself the pleasure of food.

What motivates the short-term self? Some of its pleasures are easy enough to explain: sex and food and friendship are evolutionary no-brainers, we enjoy them because they motivate us in adaptively useful ways. But others are more mysterious...

...This doesn’t mean that we should be indulging in them—perhaps there are better things to do today than go to a horror movie. But it does suggest that we should hesitate before dismissing such desires as selfish or irrelevant.

Perhaps the good life doesn’t require constant warfare. Perhaps people are better off if their multiple selves establish a truce, respecting one another’s different strengths, and working together to satisfy shared goals".

So quit feeling guilty about taking a nap today---you need it.  Quit feeling guilty about not cleaning the house and going for a hike in the woods with your friends---you're building alliances & succumbing to the natural impulse to be outside.   Quit feeling guilty about watching college football games on TV all afternoon---this one I have no explanation for--it falls into realm of the mysterious.

And a snippet from Bloom's Atlantic piece:

"An evolving approach to the science of pleasure suggests that each of us contains multiple selves—all with different desires, and all fighting for control. If this is right, the pursuit of happiness becomes even trickier. Can one self bind another self if the two want different things? Are you always better off when a Good Self wins? And should outsiders, such as employers and policy makers, get into the fray?"

...."The economist Thomas Schelling, another Nobel laureate, illustrates the concept (of our multiple selves) with a simple story:

As a boy I saw a movie about Admiral Byrd’s Antarctic expedition and was impressed that as a boy he had gone outdoors in shirtsleeves to toughen himself against the cold. I resolved to go to bed at night with one blanket too few.

That decision to go to bed minus one blanket was made by a warm boy; another boy awoke cold in the night, too cold to retrieve the blanket … and resolving to restore it tomorrow. The next bedtime it was the warm boy again, dreaming of Antarctica, who got to make the decision, and he always did it again. "

"Examples abound in our own lives. Late at night, when deciding not to bother setting up the coffee machine for the next morning, I sometimes think of the man who will wake up as a different person, and wonder, What did he ever do for me? When I get up and there’s no coffee ready, I curse the lazy bastard who shirked his duties the night before."

Twice this week my "practical industrious thoughtful self" showed up before bedtime to get the coffee pot ready, clean up the kitchen at night, pack my lunch for the next day, get my gym bag ready, and mix up a Green Smoothie to take to work. 

I love that self! I sure wish she would show up more often!

I wonder which personality is going to win today.  Will my long-term practical self finally put through the order for the much needed replacement windows & finally make a decision on the bathroom project that I've been putting off for years--and I promised myself I absolutely must do today?

Or will I chuck it all for a nice walk & curl up on the sofa with my new favorite book: "Olive Kitteridge"?

From Paul Bloom:

"We benefit, intellectually and personally, from the interplay between different selves, from the balance between long-term contemplation and short-term impulse. We should be wary about tipping the scales too far. The community of selves shouldn’t be a democracy, but it shouldn’t be a dictatorship, either."

Three Huge Things I Learned This Week

1.  Take out my contact lenses as soon as I get home from work.   The contacts go in at 6:00 am, & since I'm a creature of habit--and can get used to discomfort--I'd always just leave them in until bedtime.  Here's what I learned:  take them out before they start to get scratchy and annoying!

This is a metaphor for how I approach everything in life.  I push the envelope.  I try to pack in too many activities everyday.  Or do too many errands in a day--thinking, "I'm already out--why not?"  

Revelation:  Stop sooner rather than later--before I make myself annoyed & cranky.

2.  If the mattress is uncomfortable, and there's a one year "Satisfaction Guarantee", get a new one!  We had convinced ourselves that the plushy pillow-top mattress we bought last December was heavenly.  It wasn't.  I pride myself on my adaptability--I can get used to anything.  And besides, it's too much of a bother to return it.  Wrong.  This new "lower cost" version (which we just got this week) is so much more comfortable.

Another lesson for life.  If something is uncomfortable--physically or emotionally--"Don't just sit there.  Do something."  Sometimes being adaptable isn't such a good thing.

3.  Mix things up.  Change your schedule.  It can bring welcome surprises.  I've had the same work schedule for over 20 years and 2 weeks ago I decided to switch my work days.  In return I got to be at work on the day of my hospital's amazing weekly Farmer's Market.  I got to go to 2 different, surprisingly good exercise classes.  And, I was able to stop on the way home from work & pick up a home cooked vegan dinner made by a vegan chef who only cooks on Wednesday--which was a day that I usually did not work.  Do you know how wonderful it is to not have to prepare dinner when you get home at 7:30 pm?

Moral of the story:  Switch things up sometimes.  Try something new.   Be ready for surprises you might not have imagined. 

Do I Really Want to Give Up Cheeseburgers & Fries? Hear What Three "Real Men" Have to Say About Food Addiction, Calorie Restriction & the Joy of Rich Food

                                                                      Jeff Miller/Univ. of Wisconsin-Madison                                      

Canto, left, a 27-year-old rhesus monkey, is on a restricted diet, while Owen, 29, is not. The two monkeys are part of a study of the links between diet and aging.

After 20 years, the long awaited results of the rhesus monkey calorie restriction study are finally in.
 
The controversial conclusion:  The researchers say that now, 20 years after the experiment began, the monkeys are showing many beneficial signs of caloric restriction, including significantly less diabetes, cancer, heart and brain disease.  In principle, people could fend off the usual diseases of old age and considerably extend their life span by following a special diet.

What is "Real Man" #1 Roger Cohen of the New York Times Saying about Cheeseburgers?

Roger: "Why would anyone want to extend his life if it meant giving up cheeseburgers & fries?  Why inflict needless misery on yourself?"  Read his opinion piece here.  (I say, "Why would anyone want to risk an old age filled with disability just for the sake of eating cheeseburgers & fries?)

"Which brings me to low-cal Canto and high-cal Owen: Canto looks drawn, weary, ashen and miserable in his thinness, mouth slightly agape, features pinched, eyes blank, his expression screaming, “Please, no, not another plateful of seeds!”

Well-fed Owen, by contrast, is a happy camper with a wry smile, every inch the laid-back simian, plump, eyes twinkling, full mouth relaxed, skin glowing, exuding wisdom as if he’s just read Kierkegaard and concluded that “Life must be lived forward, but can only be understood backward.”

It’s the difference between the guy who got the marbleized rib-eye and the guy who got the oh-so-lean filet. Or between the guy who got a Château Grand Pontet St. Emilion with his brie and the guy who got water.

Maybe Roger doesn't know anyone who suffered a massive stroke because of atherosclerosis, and endured 16 years without being able to walk or talk.  Maybe he hasn't seen someone whose life is cut short or severely restricted because of diabetes, heart disease, or vascular dementia.  The list goes on.

Eating plant-based, vegan, nutritarian, or whatever you want to call it, isn't caloric restriction (eating 30% less calories a day) but it still is restriction of sorts--and it's definitely a change.  No meat, no dairy, no chicken, no processed foods.  But it certainly isn't deprivation.  My eating repertoire has mushroomed way beyond cheeseburgers & fries.

Two Emails - Two Completely Different Points of View

Roger Cohen's flippant opinion piece made me think about the two emails I received recently. 

One came from Michael F., who decided he was tired of being overweight and unhealthy and decided to do something about it. 

The other came from Leonard J.,  who after having major heart surgery, thought about changing his diet, and decided, "Nope, don't think so! Life without cheeseburgers and fries just isn't worth it."

"Real Man" #2 Michael F. - Why I'm Giving Up the Cheeseburgers

Who is Dr. David Kessler?  Click here.
What's The China Study?  Click here.
Who is Dr. Joel Fuhrman? Click here.

The following came from an email I received from one of my readers, Michael F. (*I added the headers)

 

 

Dear Healthy Librarian,

 

I'd like to share with you my own success story following a plant-based diet.  I think Dr. David Kessler's new book, The End of Overeating is absolutely right on the money.             

•  "The China Study" & Dr. Fuhrman's "Eat to Live" Principles.  Since the beginning of last November I've lost 107 lbs through following essentially the spirit of The China Study and really to the letter of Dr Fuhrman's writings.

1. Emphasize the most nutrient-dense foods: vegetables, especially greens, beans, nuts, seeds & fruit
2. Limit salt, sugar, processed foods, dairy, red meat, caffeine, saturated fat, added oils, white flour
3. Exercise, and understand the difference between real hunger & the addiction to fat, salt, and sugar--you really can change your palate.

• The addictive power of fat, sugar, & salt. I was and will continue to be successful this time because I approached it as an addiction.  Explicitly, I knew I would have to eat to accelerate withdrawal, break addictions, and re-boot my mental and physical chemistry.  It took around 4 to 6 weeks.

•  Keep Junk Food Out of the House. To be safe and get through as quickly as possible, my wife and I agreed to a few specifics.  First, we purged the house of anything not allowed; if it had been there, I would have found it and eaten it.  Second, we agreed to not eat out at restaurants until I was ready.

• Curb the Restaurant Habit First. I didn't eat out at a restaurant for two and half months.  The first time I actually "ate out" was when we were driving to a concert and stopped at roadside fruit stand and we bought a banana, an apple and some citrus.  I hadn't had a banana for months, even though they are fruit, merely because of the sugar content.  I couldn't believe my reaction when I took my first bite.  It was like eating a piece of massively overly rich cake some crazy aunt had foisted upon you during a holiday family gathering.  I was stunned.  It was so rich tasting it was sickening.  Thinking I had got a bad banana I had my wife try it and she said, "Nope.  It's just a normal banana."  It was surreal.  I couldn't believe what they books had said would happen had really happened.

• Changing Your Food Tastes & Cravings. After this I had re-trained my tastes to desire the healthy things I was eating.  It took a little more than two months until I noticed one day I no longer had to grab the remote and change the station away from pizza commercials in fear of the stimulus-response.

• Avoiding Usual Food Traps & Falling Back Into Bad Habits. During the first few months it was exactly like quitting smoking.  To break the late night habit of drive through at In & Out Burger, I changed into sleeping clothes early and read or watched TV in bed.  I made up an extensive menu of meals I enjoyed where I could eat all I wanted (of vegetables, beans, and fruits) to attain a sense of fullness.  I shopped daily at Trader Joe's for freshness.

• Cutting Caffeine, Sugar, Salt, Fat, and White Flour.  I cut green tea which stopped the caffeine from spiking hunger.  I have no sugar, salt, flour, wheat, or oil.  I don't count calories.  I eat when hungry but try to make time to eat three well spaced meals.  I work out once if not twice a day.

• Easing Back Into the Restaurant Scene. Eventually, my wife and I began going to restaurants again (lots of time I would eat before-hand or afterward).  Up until then, I had spent 39 years wherein when I saw or smelled delicious food I immediately wanted to eat it.  Now, it was again bizarre.  It was as if someone had severed the nerve connection between smell and aesthetic looks and the need to taste.  I couldn't believe it.  It looked good but I didn't want to eat it.

• Going Through Food Rehab. When my wife and I were watching a recent Oprah she had on a few celebs and others who had lost and then regained tremendous weight.  They all seemed to frame it as a battle of mental will and discipline.  It was perfectly clear to me why they and all others who regain lost weight do so: they haven't gone through what Terry Gross calls "Food Rehab" in her interview with David Kessler.

GROSS: So what are some of your suggestions for effective food rehab?

Dr. KESSLER: There are things I can do just to decrease the amount of stimulation. So don't cue me. You know, take that bread away. I don't want to see that because that's only going to increase the stimulation. Or don't deprive me because if - deprivation's only going to increase the reward value. So taking away the cues, not being primed, decreasing feelings of deprivation, all those can decrease being stimulated. But how realistic is that in our current environment? So, you know, the ultimate goal is to cool down the stimulus. And the way to do that is to want something more. So I can set rules for myself. I can eat in not a chaotic way and say boy, I don't want this now, I'm going to want something better later. So rules work. Structured eating, eating in - in meals. But ultimately is to have what psychologists call a critical perceptual shift. If you look at a huge plate of fries and say wow, that's great. But if you can get to the point of looking at those - that food, that plate of nachos and say boy, what is that? That's just fat on fat on sugar and fat. If you can change what, you know, what scientists call the reward value of the stimulus, then when you are cued by that stimulus, your brain doesn't get stimulated, you don't get activated.

• It's Not About Discipline or Willpower--Surround Yourself with Healthy Options--Taste Preferences Can Change.  I am convinced that the "key" (if there is one, sorry to be dramatically reductionistic) is to change the physical to control the mental.  Friends and loved ones cannot believe I happily survive on either steamed/raw vegetables, beans, fruit, nuts/seeds.  They say "you are so disciplined, I could never do that."  Actually, at this point there is no discipline.  The only remaining challenge is to be tolerant of the waiting for the rest of the weight to melt.

• Conquer Food Addiction First.  Mental discipline is no match for physical craving.  I am convinced that someone ought to write a book addressing purely the "how to" of weight loss around the thesis of addiction.  Change the body and the mind will follow.

Best regards,

Michael F.

"Real Man"  #3 Leonard J. - Why I'm Sticking With Cheeseburgers & Fries

The following came from an email I received from a reader, Leonard J.

Dear Healthy Librarian,

I just read your post on the Legacy of a Father's Heart Disease - Can Prevention Overcome Genetics - Steve McKee's Memoir.  I found it quite interesting.

I had the good fortune to have my heart attack while in the cafeteria at Tripler Army Hospital for another appointment.  My wife quickly found a Doctor in the dining room and I was taken in a wheelchair to have tests done. The test results indicated I needed surgery. They did 5 bypasses and the surgery had some bad problems with bleeding and I was in there for 13 hours.

I remember seeing a Colonel later on. He told me, "I can't believe you're alive." His people did a great job.
 
Prior to the surgery, I had received an email from the son of a classmate. He told me that his mom had died after refusing to do a surgical procedure on her heart.  For some reason it was the first thing I thought of when I regained consciousness in recovery.  I immediately thought, "Beverly was right."  After a few weeks at home I no longer felt that way, of course.

What I am writing about is the approach people take after surgery. Initially I was going to change my diet and do all the "right things." 

Eventually I realized I won't be around forever and was already 70, so I decided to enjoy my bacon and eggs and all those things I was denying myself.  I won't gain a few months of life through boring behavior, but I will enjoy every waking minute I have left.

Now 73, the only thing that keeps me from doing more, is the lack of energy I once had. I am leaving in another hour or so for a cold beer and great cheeseburger by the ocean in Waikiki.   

Aloha, Leonard

In A Later Email, Leonard Wrote Back To Explain Further:

Dear Healthy Librarian,

I am aware of all the possible risks to having heart disease, having been a Type 1 diabetic since 1967 (at age 31).  Didn't ever think I would still be around now. 

I'm not worried about having a stoke and dealing with that sort of long-term disability.  I take three different meds for blood pressure which work well.  It was 94 over 46 a few minutes ago.  It  makes one a little dizzy, but I really prefer it this way. No one has ever had a stroke in our family, but heart attacks are the norm.  I hope I can die in my sleep as my mom did.

Good luck with your health. I find it hard to believe that it is 2009 and we can't come up with a pill that dissolves plaque. Oh well, I have been fortunate to say the least...

Me Ke Aloha...Leonard.

Me:  I still stand by my comment at the end of "Legacy of a Father's Heart Disease" -- the post that prompted Leonard to write to me:

Steve McKee's story strikes so close to home for me.  My dad suffered a massive stroke at age 69 that left him alive, but unable to talk, read or communicate for 16 years. What saddens me the most is that he never had the chance to really know his grandchildren.

My dad never went to a doctor until after it was too late.  He never knew he had high blood pressure or high cholesterol, or that he was considered obese by today's standards.  He's the reason I started exercising and eating right over 30 years ago.  Steve's story makes me glad I did!

Yes, I loved cheeseburgers & fries.  But I'd prefer to stay healthy for as long as I can.  Besides, I've really grown fond of Boca & Dr. Praeger's Burgers.

A Nutritarian? Not!
Real Life Adventures-Gary Wise & Lance Aldrich

 

Happy Groundhog Day: Lessons from the Movie - We Keep Living the Same Day Over & Over Again Until We Get It Right!

Making the best of what we have....is not second best.  It is rather, a demand for active engagement in caring for what and whom we value.  That is what's touching about Groundhog Day.

-Ellen Goodman-

(**Yes, this is a repeat post from 2/2/08 & yes, I've linked to this before--but it's Groundhog Day!  A time for hope & renewal-when the days are dark and the times uncertain.)

I love Bill Murray's 1993 movie, Groundhog Day!  It's my favorite kind of film---funny with a profound message.  We can get stuck in the same place, doing the same thing, every last day of our lives, until we finally get it right.  Until we change ourselves.

Phil Connors is an arrogant, cynical, sarcastic weatherman who has come to Punxsutawney, PA on February 2 to cover the annual Groundhog Day celebration.

He's the kind of guy who no one can stand, and he could care less!  To Phil this is a backwater town, and the assignment is beneath him.  And to make matters worse he discovers he's in the middle of huge cosmic joke that condemns him to living the same day, February 2 over and over again. 

Every blessed morning he wakes up to Sonny & Cher singing, "It Ain't Me Babe".  Eats the same breakfast & covers the same Groundhog Day festival, sees the same annoying people.....until he gets it right!

Before I saw Groundhog Day I had read Ellen Goodman's column about the movie. Sixteen years later I still think about what the movie meant to her and I just have to share her Zen teaching:

In the middle of the movie Phil says in utter despair to a man sitting next to him at a bar:

"What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was the same and nothing mattered?"   (here's what Ellen Goodman had to say back in 1993)

"What would you do if you woke up in the same place and every day was the same?

For most people, middle age is a little bit like that.  It's long past the time of life when most of us were building our careers, beginning our families and nesting.  It's the maintenance stage when an extraordinary amount of energy is going to upkeep - keeping up the commitments you have. One morning inevitably looks a lot like the one before it.....

But in real life, those of us who do not want to start over in the middle face a different test of renewal.  Daily renewal.  Getting up in the same place, doing the same things - only making it matter.

So we have to figure out how to make the best of what we have.

Making the best of what we have....is not second best.  It is rather, a demand for active engagement in caring for what and whom we value.

That is what's touching about Groundhog Day.  Our trapped weatherman has to learn this the hard way.  His life is reduced to one inescapable day.  It's the entire deck he's been dealt, the allotment of flowers he can arrange, the cast of characters in his life.

He goes through stages of feeling trapped, depressed, and living as if there's no tomorrow.  He finally comes to the not-so-profound-but-still-pretty-rare realization that he can change his world by changing himself.

..it's about making the best of what you have...over and over. Making small repairs and improvements so that the commitments of midlife--the work you do and people you love--don't become a trap.  They become and remain the town in which you choose to live even when you have options.

"Groundhog Day" is the perfect renewal movie when we're trapped in the middle of one of the coldest & snowiest winters (and the most challenging economic times) I can remember in a long time.  And thank you so much, Ellen Goodman for your Zen teaching about mid-life change.

If you haven't yet seen Maira Kalman's gorgeous artistic essay, "And the Pursuit of Happiness" in the 2/01/09 New York TImes --please take a look & say "Hallelujah!"   Feast your eyes & spirt on this!  Click here!  Watch for more of Maira.  Her artistic column "And the Pursuit of Happiness," about American democracy, will appear on the last Friday of each month in the NYT.

What Do We Miss When We're in a Hurry? The Violinist in the Metro Station

Josh Bell
-Internationally-acclaimed violist, born & raised in Bloomington, Indiana-

Forgive me.  Turns out that the tale I'm about to share is 2 years old.  It's new to me.  I just heard about it this morning from a blog called Live Free Run Free  written by a woman in Kuala Lampur.  It certainly had an impact on me.  How much of the "best of life" do we miss because we are in perpetual motion--rushing  here, rushing there?  Not noticing.  Not paying attention.

Click here  if the YouTube video isn't showing up on your screen

Here's what happened at 7:51 am Friday, January 12, 2007.

Morning rush hour.  Washington DC, L'Enfant Plaza Metro Station.   (for the entire article--& it's worth the read-click here.  Pearls Before Breakfast by Gene Weingarten, Sunday April 8, 2007)

• For 43 minutes a non-descript youngish white man in jeans & a baseball cap plays 6 classical pieces on his violin. 
• 1,097 people pass him by--most are on their way to work.
• The violinist begins with Bach's Chaconne, "not just one of the greatest pieces of music ever written, but one of the greatest achievements of any man in history."
• Three minutes pass before something happens.  63 people have already passed by without a nod.  A woman throws in a buck & scoots off.
• Six minutes into the performance, someone actually stands against a wall and listens.
• During the entire 45 minute performance by Josh Bell, one the world's most distinguished violinists, "seven people have stopped what they are doing to hang around and take in the performance, at least for a minute."
• "27 gave money, most on the run--for a total of $32 and change."
• "That leaves 1,070 people who hurried by, oblivious, many only three feet away, few turning to look."

How Did Josh Bell Feel About Being Ignored?

• At first he was just concentrating on playing the music--not really watching what was happening around him.
• When he finally glanced around, he said, "It was a strange feeling, that people were actually, ah...ignoring me."
• "At a music hall, I'll get upset if someone coughs or if someone's cellphone goes off.  But here, my expectations quickly diminished.  I started to appreciate any acknowledgment, even a slight glance up."
• "I was oddly grateful when someone threw in a dollar instead of change."  Normally his performances command $1,000 a minute.  Two days before he played in Boston where "pretty good" seats went for $100 each.  Two weeks later in North Bethesda, MD it was standing-room only.
• "When you play for ticket-holders, you are already VALIDATED.  I have no sense that I need to be accepted.  I'm already accepted.  Here, there was this thought:  What if they don't like me?  What if they resent my presence..."  (if you missed it--watch the video called "Validation" here.)
• 6 moments were particularly painful for Bell--"Awkward times."--When each piece ended--the music stops--there's no acknowledgment--no applause.

Who Stopped to Listen?

• John David Mortensen.  A white guy, khakis, leather jacket, briefcase, early 30s.  Project manager at the Department of Energy. 
• Mortensen doesn't know classical music at all!  He doesn't know about major keys or minor keys.
  
• He knew there was something about what he was hearing that he liked.
• According to Bell, at the moment Mortensen stopped, he was playing "Chaconne" & it was the point where it moves from a darker minor key into a major key--"There's a religious exalted feeling to it."
• "Whatever it was, it made me feel at peace," said Mortensen.
• It was the first time in his life he lingered to listen to a street musician.
• For the first time in his life, not quite knowing what had happened, but sensing it was special, he gave money to a street musician.
• Evan Parker, a three-year-old tried to stop--but his mom was too busy.  She needed to get him to his teacher & rush back to work.
• "There was no ethnic or demographic pattern to distinguish the people who stayed to watch Bell, or the ones who gave money, from that vast majority who hurried on past.  Whites, blacks and Asians, young and old, men and women, were represented in all three groups."
• The one demographic that consistently wanted to stop?  "Every single time a child walked past, he or she tried to stop & watch.  And every single time, a parent scooted the kid away!"

Why Was Josh Bell Playing at the L'Enfant Metro Station Anyway?

It was a social experiment, designed by The Washington Post.  It was described as a test of whether genius or great talent, when exhibited in an incongruous context, would be recognized by ordinary people.  I guess it's not.

Lessons To Be Learned?

3 random thoughts come to mind for me:

• Dr. Richard Wiseman, the author of The Luck Factor,  has studied why some people are luckier than others--and one big reason is that luckier people have a more relaxed attitude toward life, that results in noticing more around them--and that means noticing opportunities--like "free concerts" and wonderful music, job openings, and new people.

• Dr. Harold Varmos (Obama's new co-chair of his Council of Advisers on Science and Technology) is a Nobel prize-winning cancer researcher at Sloan-Kettering who says that making new scientific discoveries isn't about throwing more money at the problem.
  
  It's about giving researchers the time away from the pressures of grant-writing--to relax & think & play.  It's in that relaxed, non-rushing time that the elegant out-of-the-box discoveries have a chance to happen.

• Okay--this may seem pretty "out there", but the Josh Bell story reminded me of one of my grown-up son's favorite stories--years ago he told me that he keeps this in mind wherever he goes--and it changes his perspective whenever he meets someone who most of us would pass judgment on, or dismiss out-of-hand.
  
  
  

  
  This is taken from Naomi Remen's best-seller "My Grandfather's Blessing".  My guess is that it's an Hasidic story.

  "The story he told me is very old and dates from the time of the prophet Isaiah. It is the legend of the Lamed-Vovniks. In this story, God tells us that He will allow the world to continue as long as at any given time there is a minimum of thirty-six good people in the human race. People who are capable of responding to the suffering that is part of the human condition. These thirty-six are are called the Lamed-Vovniks. If at any time, there are fewer than thirty-six such people alive, the world will come to an end.

  "Do you know who these people are, Grandpa?" I asked, certain that he would say "Yes." But he shook his head. "No, Neshume-le," he told me. "Only God knows who the Lamed-Vovniks are. Even the Lamed-Vovniks themselves do not know for sure the role they have in the continuation of the world, and no one else knows it either. They respond to suffering, not in order to save the world but simply because the suffering of others touches them and matters to them."

  It turned out that Lamed-Vovniks could be tailors or college professors, millionaires or paupers, powerful leaders or powerless victims. These things were not important. What mattered was only their capacity to feel the collective suffering of the human race and respond to the suffering around them. "And because no one knows who they are, Neshume-le, anyone you meet might be one of the thirty-six for whom God preserves the world," my grandfather said. "It is important to treat everyone as if this might be so."

Happy First Year Blog Anniversary - What's Working - What's Not - My Year of Change

Pink Sherbet Photography

“The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

I started writing Happy Healthy Long Life on January 10, 2008--but I didn't put it "on the web" until February 2--Groundhog Day.  Come to think of it, that was a pretty symbolic gesture for me.  Bill Murray's Groundhog Day is one of my all time favorite movies because it's all about how our lives don't change until we finally ditch what's not working & we figure out what will work. 

That's pretty much what this blog is all about. I keep trying this & that, over & over again, until I settle on something that works!  (Groundhog Day: We Keep Living the Same Day Over and Over Again Until We Get It Right!)

After a Year of Experimenting--What's Working, What's Not?

I'm snowed in today, so I started going through all my blog posts to see what I was still doing and what I had ditched.  Honestly, I am amazed at how much has changed & how much I have learned over this past year.  I could write pages, but I'd surely lose all my readers.  So here are my top 3 Keepers.  The honorable-mention winners & losers will follow later this week.

• Howard White's Power of Hello.  This has morphed into The Power of Talking to Strangers.  I never was a shrinking violet, but now I absolutely talk to anyone, everywhere, if they seem approachable & interesting--if I overhear a stranger talking about something I want to know more about--if they're using or eating or buying or reading or even wearing something I want to know more about!

I talk to people in grocery store lines, movie lines, lines everywhere--especially at Whole Foods--if they're buying something I want to know more about.

I talk to people coming into my library who seem interesting--and I ask questions.

I talk to people I don't know at my gym who are discussing recipes, politics, travel, health tips, movies, books, plays & bargains.

I write well known people if I have a question, or to express appreciation for what they've written or said.  And often they write back.

It's pretty easy to tell who is approachable & who isn't.  I respect people's privacy & time & I pay attention to their body language.

Prime example of the Power of Talking to Strangers:  I few months back I introduced myself to Ann Esselstyn (Dr. Caldwell Esselstyn's wife, heart healthy recipe creator & teacher) to let her know how many readers have accessed my posts about Dr. Esselstyn (Yes, You Can Prevent & Reverse Heart Disease - But Are You Up For The Challenge? Let Dr. Esselstyn Convince You  and I'm Going to Miss My Olive Oil - Who Knew It Wasn't So Healthy After All? Drs. Esselstyn, Ornish, Vogel & Rudel Did)--and today I'm having lunch at her house. (*Update--I had to cancel--I'm truly snowed in.  Darn!)

I've met so many new & fascinating people this year--folks who have moved from being just a familiar face into friends--all because of the Power of Talking to Strangers.

• T. Colin Campbell of "The China Study" Pays a Visit - Does This Mean I Have to Become a Vegan?     I think all my friends assume I'm a vegan now, but I'm really not.  I stand by what I wrote back in March 19, 2008.

Although I've just naturally moved toward a diet that's probably 80% plant-based (now it's maybe 93%)  I don't do well with super-strict diet rules and restrictions.  I need flexibility!  Food is so wrapped up in friendship, family and fun and I don't want to miss out on any of that. 

I can see trying to make even better choices during the week-more salads, hearty soups and incorporating "green smoothies". I definitely eat too many  (not any more!) "fractionated" soy products, and probably too many foods my great-grandmother wouldn't recognize.

I'm leaning towards my oldest son's dietary approach.  He's a "non-militant" flexible vegetarian during the week, but on weekends, especially when socializing, he'll eat everything! I kind of like that!

Update 1:  My tastes have just changed naturally over the year.  I won't say that I never eat animal protein anymore, but it's very rare.  I've kind of lost the craving for cheese, ice cream, beef & chicken.  I still occasionally eat tuna, salmon, kefir & turkey, and an occasional special cheese.  I've dropped most of the fake soy products & I've moved over to using tofu, tempeh and seitan on occasion when I want a "meat substitute".  My new favorites are beans, greens, green smoothies, hearty soups, squash, quinoa, mangoes & cauliflower.  Cooking & trying new recipes are my hobbies & I find some of my best recipes on Martha Rose Shulman's Recipes for Health series in the NYT & Susan's Food Blogga Blog (but you have to look for the healthy ones on her blog)

Update 2:  I ditched the sugary stuff--cookies, cakes, ice cream, & candy on January 1, 2009.  It's been over 3 weeks now, & as the experts say, "I've lost my craving!".  And 3 pounds!

Update 3:  I still stand by my February 24, 2008 post:  My Top 12 Super Food Favorites. What I Eat Almost Everyday.  I rarely eat oatmeal anymore for breakfast now that I make my green smoothies--it's just too much to eat.  The greens, berries, citrus & flax are now going right into my morning smoothies.  V-8 is history--I'm making my own fresh V-8!

Update 4:  In case you are wondering--I feel fantastic!  I've got more energy, more stamina, think more clearly, haven't had a cold, need less sleep & have a positive outlook.  Yeah sure, it's all subjective & anecdotal, but I'm not complaining.  Knock-on-wood.  Pooh-Pooh.

• Stretching in St. Louis - Try Something New and Build New Brain Cells at the Same Time.

This has become my motto, my mantra, my code.  This year I've tried more new things, and I mean this with all sincerity---I can really see how my brain has adapted and changed.  I've noticed how it takes a number of tries to learn something new.  That it's kind of scary & uncomfortable, but if I keep at it, I finally GET IT, and then I've mastered a new skill, and all of a sudden it's easy.

Here are just a few of the new skills I've mastered this year:

Using IPOD NANO & ITunes to download amazing podcasts

Switching from a PC to a MAC

Writing a blog, learning HTML, importing photos, uploading videos, importing widgets, getting indexed on Google, following techie instructions & asking tech support for help.  I've got readers from faraway Thailand, Italy, Australia, New Zealand, Vietnam, Japan, India, Brazil, Israel, Italy, France and even Pakistan

Getting a new cellphone & learning to text message--learning how to IChat--which is like video-conferencing on the computer

Using Google Calendar

Frequently submitting comments to the New York Times

Trying new recipes every week--using fresh herbs--cooking beans from scratch

Singing Karaoke

There's so much more to say about:  What's Working, What's Not--but I've got a lunch date to get to, remember?  So I'll leave you with a few quotes from past blog posts that hold special meaning to me:

1.  “The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”  Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

2.   "May our lives go well, may we be happy, may our dreams come true. May we stay awake and alert, may we stay friendly, may we stay amazed."    Sylvia Boorstein  (side note: I've never met Sylvia, but I'm a huge fan of her books.  In March my husband & I are going to week-long meditation retreat co-led by Sylvia.  I'm so looking forward to it!)

3.  From the late Randy Pausch - What Kids & Grown-Ups Need to Know-My Top Picks from the New York Times Contest 

    * Always have fun
    * Dream Big
    * Ask for what you want
    * Dare to take a risk
    * Look for the best in everybody.  If you wait long enough, people will surprise  & impress you.
    * Make time for what matters
    * Let kids be themselves

4.  "Rather than dismissing ourselves as unchangeable creatures of habit, we can instead direct our own change by consciously developing new habits.  In fact, the more new things we try - the more we step outside our comfort zone -- the more inherently creative we become, both in the workplace and in our personal lives."   Janet Rae-Dupree in "Can You Become a Creature of New Habits?"
 

My Best Advice:

  Start re-reading my blog from the very start, January 10, 2008.  You'll learn a lot about how to be:  Happy, Healthy and have a Long Life (can't guarantee the last one!)

 

This I Believe: Happiness & Unhappiness are Viral - Fruits & Vegetables Can Change Your Health

"This makes me feel so much more responsible that I know that if I come home in a bad mood I'm not only affecting my wife and son but my son's best friend or my wife's mother.  When I'm heading home I now intentionally put on my favorite song!"    Remember These Words, Folks!

-James H. Fowler, UCSD professor & author of "Dynamic spread of happiness in a large-social network: longitudinal analysis over 20 years in the Framingham Heart Study"  BMJ published online 12/5/08-

I believe that we are all so intricately bound up with each other that our happiness & our unhappiness affects everyone we encounter:  our family, our co-workers, store clerks, and people we pass on the street.    (Happiness is Viral - click here)

I believe that appreciating each other with honest compliments, recognition for small acts of good work or kindnesses, genuine thank yous, and positive feedback has more power than we can imagine.

OK--I know that no one wants to watch a YouTube video that last 16 minutes.  No one.  But somehow I thought I needed to see this one to the end.  You might think you've seen enough after the first 4 minutes.  I know I did.  But I was wrong.  Take the time.  (Thank you Kurt Kuenne, Hugh Newman & Theater Junkies Productions)

If you aren't seeing the video just click on this here!  

This I Believe:  Eating more fruits and vegetables isn`t hard to swallow

-Gwen Mergian  Albany, NY-

Gwen Mergian writes a blog called Low Life for the Times Union newspaper in Albany, New York.  Here's how she got started: 

"In early 2007, I was a middle-aged, sedentary nurse with a family history of sudden cardiac arrest and a cholesterol level of 303. Profound changes in nutrition, exercise and stress reduction did more than lower my cholesterol to 177--they transformed my life."

Gwen's a big fan of NPR's This I Believe radio essay series.  And I am, too.  On a whim she sent in her essay, "Eating more fruits and vegetables isn`t hard to swallow".   She didn't get picked to broadcast it--but her essay got posted on the This I Believe website.  If you want real-life motivation to get healthy, read her post here.

Here's an excerpt:

"Last year, when my cholesterol shot up into the 300s, my doctor urged me to take a cholesterol-lowering drug. With a family history of sudden cardiac arrest, I was a walking time bomb, she said. But I pushed back, opting instead to try an extreme lifestyle makeover.

Initially, my new dietary landscape – often called plant-based nutrition – looked utterly alien. But before long I was eating eight or more servings of fresh produce a day, from dark green salads made with Swiss chard, collards and kale, to such exotic fare as sweet potato and curry soup, quinoa-squash pilaf, and marinated kabobs, guaranteed to please even the most tofu-squeamish."

Gwen grew up in a household like mine.  Vegetables meant potatoes, cooked carrots, and iceberg lettuce.  Her mom served frozen peas.  My mom served canned peas.  Her mom seasoned only with salt.  My mom was much more exotic.  She used paprika and garlic salt.  We were meat-centric at every meal.

As I've heard said: 

We like what we eat all the time.  You can change your taste preferences by changing your diet and having patience.  People in Thailand prefer Thai food.  People in Argentina prefer meat.  People in Japan prefer fish.  And nutritarian-style vegetarians prefer fruits, vegetables, beans and grains.  Tastes can change!

It takes 3 weeks to change a habit.  It takes 14 weeks to change your tastes.  The reward of good health is worth the effort.  Make it an experiment & give it your best shot!

New Year's Resolutions. The Power of Three Meets the Power of Writing It Down

I'm not a New Year's Resolution person.  Last year I thought I'd give it a try, based on an incredibly complicated monthly chart system I found on Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project.

That lasted about a month.  Too much work.  Too many resolutions.

But this year I've given some real thought to what I want to change about myself.  And I know from experience and research that the brain works best when it only has 2 or 3 things to remember. And if you write it down, the "reticular activating system" of your brain will go to work on a subconscious level to point out opportunities to achieve your goals.  I know this sounds wacky--but it really works!

The Power of Three and the Write It Down Principle Explained

• The Power of Three - If the brain has more than 7 things to remember  it goes into serious overload & you're bound to fail.  Give the brain just 2 or 3 things to remember and your chances of success is ensured.  The rational brain can function and help you out if it's not overloaded.  With too much to remember, the emotional brain takes over--and you're pretty much sunk. 

• Where did I learn all this?  Check out the November 14, 2008 Radio Lab podcast on Choice.  Baba Shiv of Stanford University clearly demonstrates what happens when you have too much to remember.  It's pretty surprising.
  

Here's Shiv's experiment: Two groups of volunteers are in a room and each person is given a number that they are told to remember. Then they have to walk down a hall and go into another room and tell the person in the room what their number is.  That's all they have to do.  Half of the volunteers are given 7 numbers to remember & half of the volunteers are given 2 numbers to remember.

Then they walk down the hall.  Halfway down the hall each person is asked if they want a snack.  They can have some gooey delicious chocolate cake, or some nice fresh fruit. 

The result:  By huge margins, the volunteers who had 7 numbers to remember choose the gooey chocolate cake.  The volunteers with only 2 numbers to remember choose the fresh fruit. 

The explanation:  According to neuroscience writer Jonah Lehrer, the rational-deliberate brain--the part more likely to choose fruit over cake gets easily overwhelmed.  And when it's overwhelmed, by a mere 7 numbers, the emotional-brain takes over.  These two systems are constantly vying for control--so make it easy on yourself.  Don't overload your brain.  The rational part isn't that strong!  Stick to just 3 New Year's resolutions.

• Write It Down - I learned about the power of writing down goals back in 2000 from a quirky book by Henriette Anne Klauser, called Write It Down, Make It Happen.   Here's how it works:

At the base of the brain stem sits a sorting center for information called, the Reticular Activating System. It acts like a filter, sorting the important urgent stuff you need to pay attention to, from the non-essentials.

The best way to describe how the Reticular Activating System works is to think about when you're asleep or in a shopping mall.

 "The RAS evaluates the nonessential nighttime noises--the dripping faucet, the crickets, or neighborhood traffic--and filters out the nonurgent, waking you up only for the urgent.  The baby cries, the phone rings, the front door opens, and in a split second you are bolt upright in bed."  Or if you're in a crowded mall--you'll always hear your name called.

• Write down your goals & resolutions & your RAS will keep on the look-out to make sure your instructions get carried out.  It pays attentions to opportunites that will help you accomplish your goals.  For instance, if your goal is to learn to dance--all of a sudden you will notice every ad for dance classes, or spot books & DVDs about learning to dance.  You'll start meeting people who like to dance and who can direct you to the best dance teachers.

• Five years ago I wrote out a short list of things I wanted to accomplish.  I put it in my dresser drawer & forgot about it.  Last March I found the list, and I was shocked & amazed at how many of those goals I had accomplished.  And I never looked at the list after I wrote it out. 

My Official "Write It Down" List of Three Things I Want to Work On This Year!

• 1. Ditch Negative Talk.  I'm basically a positive & understanding person, but I admit I have a problem with negativity in other people.  It really upsets me. If I'm with a relative, co-worker, or friend who is moody, negative, angry or withdrawn, I react by talking about them to another relative, co-worker or friend to try & figure out "What's Up With Them?"  This is a bad habit & it often breeds its own negativity backlash--reinforces my own hurt/worried/put-upon/angry feelings--and accomplishes nothing. 

Here's a tip:  So often we misjudge each other--or the meaning of someone else's mood or negativity.  It's fruitless to speculate.  Read The Cookie Thief for a great reminder about how often our assumptions about each other are incorrect.

My resolution is to do one of two things, depending on the circumstances:

•  1.  Talk to the person myself to find out what's going on--if I can help--if I contributed to their negative reaction--or if it's just none of my business.
•  2.  Realize their negative mood/anger/etc has nothing to do with me & just ignore it & let it pass.  It's not about me!

• 2. Ditch the Sugar/Fat Foods.  My co-worker Mary is my inspiration for this resolution.  She hasn't eaten any sugar for 20 years & doesn't miss it a bit.  That's just amazing to me!  She cut out sugar when she joined Weight Watchers 20 years ago, and noticed a quick weight drop in three weeks.  By then she lost the sugar addiction and decided to keep it up.  She still likes to bake, strictly for others of course, and she claims that just the smell of apple pie is satisfying to her.

Here's my plan:  I'm only attracted to sweets when they're around--the house--the office--or at friends' homes. So none of that stuff is coming into the house--even for company--until I can strengthen my resistance muscles!

The sugar isn't the real problem for me.  It's that the sweets I crave contain sugar + white flour + fat = no nutritional value!  Think cookies or ice cream or chocolate. Empty calories that fill me up and leave less room for the healthy stuff.  I'm not eliminating all sweeteners, like occasional use of maple syrup, agave or brown sugar when it's needed for a healthy non-dessert recipe, like a little maple syrup on butternut squash.

So this is official.  Keep me honest & let's see how this no sugar/fat resolution goes.

• 3. Listen Better.  There's nothing worse than listening to someone when you're doing something else: like reading emails; surfing the Net; thinking about what you want to say next; planning what question you are going to ask next; chomping at the bit to interrupt; or just plain thinking about something else.  It makes the speaker feel diminished, empty or hurt, and it makes you (ie. me), the listener feel dishonest, selfish & disrespectful.  These are all things I admit to!

Talane Miedaner, a Master Coach, woke me up recently when I read what she had to say about good listening. 

"Listening is an art and like any skill, it takes practice.  Stop worrying so much about what your are going to say and try keeping your stories to yourself.  The person who does the most talking ends up feeling like he or she knows and trusts the listener.  The best way to build trust in someone is to listen and keep on listening.

As a general rule, the ideal guideline would be to talk 20% of the time and listen 80% of the time.

Here's a tip: If you are with someone and you aren't talking, but you are talking to yourself in your head, perhaps coming up with your response or judging or evaluating what the person is saying, you aren't really listening.  You are talking to yourself in your head.  Yes, that little voice that just said, "What are you talking about?  I don't talk to myself."  You might just as well get up and stand in a corner and talk to yourself. 

Next time you are listening to someone, notice how much you talk to yourself.  Then shift your focus back to the other person.  Hear everything he or she has to say before you even start to think of a response. Listening is not so easy; it takes practice."

 And "a good listening to" is about the best gift we can give each other.

And from The Times Union Low Life-The Cholesterol blog comes this "spot on" Thich Nhat Hanh quote:

“I vow to offer joy to one person in the morning and to relieve the grief of one person in the afternoon.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

Listening in the morning to someone's good news and listening in the afternoon to someone's bad news.  Joy and relief.  And all done with my mouth shut!

The Power of Hello - A Lesson from Howard White and His Mother

“I speak to everyone I see, no matter where I am. I've learned that speaking to people creates a pathway into their world, and it lets them come into mine.”

-Howard White, Vice President of Nike's Jordan Brand & "This I Believe" essay author-

I had never heard of Howard White or his mother before today.  When I read his NPR "This I Believe" essay I realized he learned something from his mom, that I learned from my sons.

In my younger, shyer, self-conscious, more insecure days I admit to not always saying, "Hello" to people I knew, let alone strangers.  Sometimes I was in too much of a hurry--or it felt too awkward to say hello to someone I didn't know well to start with, or hadn't seen in years.  Or I didn't want to have to answer a lot of questions. It was a nasty habit.  I even admit to occasionally pretending to be engrossed in a conversation with someone else, just so that I could avoid saying, "Hello"  to someone else.  Ick!!

But something switched in my brain over the years.  Here's a case where my kids taught me how to behave.  I noticed that as they got older they knew everyone--and they made an easy practice of talking to strangers.  They had no problem traveling by themselves to foreign countries and they met people wherever they went.

I decided I wanted to be like them.  And I decided to start with baby steps. (ignore the similarity to Bill Murray's "What about Bob?")  First I would say hello by name to all the service people I meet up with everyday.  Tina at the dry cleaners, Sid and Nancy at the gym, Marcy at the library, and Debby at the grocery store.

Then I decided it was time to introduce myself.  I knew their names.  They should know mine. I really started to enjoy life in the "up close and personal zone".  And I made it a rule to never miss an opportunity to say, "Hello".

From there I progressed to striking up conversations with people I saw everyday in passing at work, in the locker room, or in my exercise classes, but hadn't actually spoken to before.   All of sudden I knew about the lives, interests, and families of scores of people who I had never talked to before.

I was never a person "who made the first move."  Turns out, most people are that way, and someone has to "make the first move," or relationships don't happen.

A couple of people who I had mistakenly thought were sourpusses were nothing of the sort.  They were friendly interesting engaging people who just don't say "Hello" to people they don't know.  They were just like I was.

Today, I can't imagine greeting everyone with whom I make eye contact, at least with a smile. (well, within reason--I am sensible--after all)  Grocery lines, movie lines, restroom lines, ferry boats--all are opportunities to learn something new.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Howard White says it a lot better than I can.  His original essay was read on NPR on August 14, 2008.

The Power of 'Hello'  by Howard White

I work at a company where there are about a gazillion employees. I can't say that I know them all by name, but I know my fair share of them. I think that almost all of them know me. I'd say that's the reason I've been able to go wherever it is I've made it to in this world. It's all based on one simple principle: I believe every single person deserves to be acknowledged, however small or simple the greeting.

When I was about 10 years old, I was walking down the street with my mother. She stopped to speak to Mr. Lee. I was busy trying to bulls-eye the "O" in the stop sign with a rock. I knew I could see Mr. Lee any old time around the neighborhood, so I didn't pay any attention to him.

After we passed Mr. Lee, my mother stopped me and said something that has stuck with me from that day until now. She said, "You let that be the last time you ever walk by somebody and not open up your mouth to speak, because even a dog can wag its tail when it passes you on the street."

That phrase sounds simple, but it's been a guidepost for me and the foundation of who I am.

When you write an essay like this, you look in the mirror and see who you are and what makes up your character. I realized mine was cemented that day when I was 10 years old. Even then, I started to see that when I spoke to someone, they spoke back. And that felt good.

It's not just something I believe in; it's become a way of life. I believe that every person deserves to feel someone acknowledge their presence, no matter how humble they may be or even how important.

At work, I always used to say hello to the founder of the company and ask him how our business was doing. But I was also speaking to the people in the cafe and the people that cleaned the buildings, and asked how their children were doing. I remembered after a few years of passing by the founder, I had the courage to ask him for a meeting. We had a great talk. At a certain point, I asked him how far he thought I could in go in his company. He said, "If you want to, you can get all the way to this seat."

I've become vice president, but that hasn't changed the way I approach people. I still follow my mother's advice. I speak to everyone I see, no matter where I am. I've learned that speaking to people creates a pathway into their world, and it lets them come into mine, too.

The day you speak to someone who has their head held down and when they lift it up and smile, you realize how powerful it is just to open your mouth and say, "Hello."

My Sunday Morning Meeting With Myself - The Activity Antidote

                                         

                                                                                

"Meet With Yourself.  Set aside one- or two-hour long blocks of time on your calendar each week for reflection and catching up.  Make no commitments during these quiet hours."

  -Maggie Jackson, author of "Distracted: the Erosion of Attention and Coming Dark Age"-

It's Sunday morning. Normally, I'm up at 7:00 am, out the door by 8:00 am.  Off to exercise, do a weekly grocery shop, run some errands and I'm home by noon--in time to share an afternoon with my husband--or friends--or whatever the calendar dictates.

When I woke up at 6:00 am, I knew I was staying home this morning.

Yesterday afternoon I took a long walk with my friend Bonnie.  She's a teacher of gifted children and she puts in 150% of herself everyday.  Once the school year starts she's at her desk at 7:30 am, home at 5:00 pm to put together a dinner--and she always has a sit-down "real meal" eaten at the table --and then the rest of the evening is devoted to planning lessons, grading tests, making up tests & writing reports.  No exercise, no TV, no computer time-wasting, no reading for enjoyment.  Frankly, I don't know how she does it.  Basically, she lives for her summers off.

Yesterday was a gorgeous sunny day, and as we walked around a nearby lake she waved me over to a bench that was on the the bank. 

"Come here.  Let's sit down.  Now this is what I miss during the school year.  Just sitting down, doing nothing and appreciating this gorgeous view."

As we neared the end of our walk, Bonnie said, "The worst part of being so busy is not keeping up with old friends.  I just learned that an old friend of mine--someone who came all the way from Colorado to attend my daughter's wedding & took my other daughter out to dinner when she was visiting Boston--is in the hospital for a kidney & pancreas transplant.  She'd been on the waiting list for months, and I never knew. I just never knew. And, I was always so good at keeping in touch--remembering everyone's birthdays and anniversaries with cards.  Not now.  That's the worst part."

All week I've been thinking about and reading about the craziness of multitasking, daily distraction--and our addiction to frenzied constant activity.  We've become uncomfortable with unplanned & unproductive quiet alone time--no TV--no DVDs--no radio--no music--no cell phones--no talking--no computer.  We've forgotten what it feels like to give our full attention to one thing at a time.

When I woke up this morning I thought about Maggie Jackson's advice and I knew I was staying home:

Meet With Yourself.  Set aside one- or two-hour long blocks of time on your calendar each week for reflection and catching up.  Make no commitments during these quiet hours.

What a wonderful morning!  It took less than 2 hours to really feel recharged. Here's all it took for me:

• I read the old-fashioned newspaper in absolute quiet.  No radio background noise to distract me. I usually read about 4 newspapers online, and I'm left feeling kind of like I do when I watch TV with my husband & he's constantly channel surfing with the remote control.  I'm clicking from one half-read article to the next--one online newspaper to the next.  Left feeling a little jangled-unsatisfied-distracted.
• I sent out 4 cards--a condolence card to a friend, an "I'm thinking about you" card to my mother-in-law, a "Words of Wisdom" card to one of my sons, and a birthday card to my sister. 
• I updated my Google calendar with all my upcoming appointments, upcoming activities, upcoming special occasions, and things I want to be sure to remember. For a low-tech, non-Palm Pilot person like me, this is a fantastic system.  I can set email reminders to make sure I don't forget anything.  I learned about GCAL, aka Google Calendar from Zen Habits' Leo Babauta.  To read his "How to Never Forget Anything Again" post click here. 

"Also known as Google Calendar, Gcal is accessible from anywhere and just works really well. I set up reminders if I want to make sure to remember something, and it’ll send me an email or text message. Need to remember to follow up on something? Set a reminder in Gcal for one week from now. Get used to setting up reminders quickly in your calendar, and you won’t have to remember anything."

That's all it took--those 3 little activities--done before I did anything else, and now somehow I feel recharged.

It's only 10:00 am, I've written this post; I'm about to meditate for 1/2 hour and take a walk; and that "Meeting With Myself" was the best "Activity Antidote" you can imagine!

Why Does It Feel So Good To Clean Your Ears? And Why You Never Should!

  

   NPR's Andrea Seabrook:  Are you going to tell me Dr. Fitzgerald, that you never put a Q-tip in your ear, ever?

   Dr. Dennis Fitzgerald:  I'm going to tell you that I never, ever, ever put a Q-tip in my ear.

Driving home from work on Saturday I heard the advertisement for this upcoming Weekend Edition story on NPR:

"In the next hour we are going to learn about the "Joys of Ear-Cleaning."

But, darn it--I made it home before the story aired.  Call me weird, but I really wanted to hear that story.  Frankly, I like to clean my ears, and I guess in a stretch it could be described as a joy.

Well, I've got to tell you, about 10 minutes ago, I checked out the  earwax story I had missed on Saturday.  Actually, it was a pretty disappointing story.  But, it did convince me to call it quits with my Ear Cleaning Habit.  You can make up your own mind.

So, Why Does It Feel So Good To Clean Our Ears?  (answers from otologist, Dr. Dennis Fitzgerald of Washington, D.C.)

• We like to stick Q-tips into our ears because most likely we've already cleaned all the wax out of our ears, and when the wax is removed, our ears start to itch.  Earwax is a good thing--it's a protective coating that prevents the ears from itching, as well as protecting the ear drum & ear canal by trapping dirt, bugs, bacteria & debris. It's kind of like a built-in No-Pest Strip.
• "Well, there are a lot of nerve endings in the ear. And a lot of those nerves are hooked up to other parts of our body, especially internal organs.  Certain nerves that are in the skin of the ear canal connect to the intestinal organs."  What is he trying to say here? This doesn't seem to answer the question at all, but I wasn't the one doing the interview.  I told you this story was disappointing!

Weird Factoid About The Romans and Ear Cleaning (or tickling)

• This is supposed to prove the point that the nerves in the ear canal are connected to the intestines.  Back in the day of Roman orgies, when the Romans wanted to regurgitate so that they could eat more food, here's how they did it! They could make themselves vomit by tickling their ear canal with a feather.
• It would trigger the vomit reflex, they'd regurgitate, and then they could go back to eating as much of their favorite foods as they liked.

Why You Should Never Ever Clean Your Ears or Stick Anything Into Them!

• "Because you will create no end of havoc and trouble by pushing wax in further."
• "You will scratch the skin of the ear canal and this will lead to infections."
• If someone just happens to hit your elbow while you have a Q-tip in your ear, that Q-tip could go right through the ear drum.
• You don't even want to know all the ear cleaning horror stories seen by otologists!

The American Academy of Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery Foundation's Guidelines for Managing Earwax impaction was released on August 29, 2008.  Click here.

• Earwax (known as cerumen) is a beneficial, self-cleaning agent, with protective, lubricating (emollient), and antibacterial properties.  Leave it alone!
• It should be removed only when it builds up to a point where it causes symptoms such as pain or hearing loss.
• Go to a physician to remove impacted earwax.  Appropriate methods are: irrigating or ear syringing by injecting a stream of water into the ear canal; manual removal with special instruments or a suction device; wax dissolving agents like water or saline solution.
• Never use these inappropriate or harmful interventions:  Inserting Q-tips; ear candling, which is a technique that involves inserting a paraffin coated tube into the ear and then lighting it; or using oral jet irrigators like Waterpiks (used for the mouth).
• 12 million people a year seek medical treatment for impacted earwax--probably caused by sticking Q-tips into them.
• For all the details you'll need to look at the guidelines.