Happy Healthy Long Life

Kids Say the Darndest Things! What Kids Wish Grown-Ups Knew

Art Linkletter's House Party September 5, 1952-September 9, 1969

Anyone remember this perennial Sunday night favorite?  I grew up with this show.  And my most favorite part--Kids Say the Darndest Things--came at the end of the show, when sweetheart Art interviewed kids from age 5-10.  They spilled all the family secrets.  Oh how I wanted to be on that show!  Click here if you want to see some clips of Art & "the kids".

When I spotted Dr. Cara Barker's essay, "What Our Kids Wish We Knew", in today's Huffington Post, I thought it was going to be like a trip down 1950's memory lane.  Well, not exactly.  Times have certainly changed. 

Back in April 2008 parents had a chance to have their say in a New York Times contest on "Things Kids Need to Know".  Click here to read my favorites.

Now, courtesy of Dr. Cara Barker's interviews with 40 kids--age 3 to 16--the kids have a chance to give out the advice:  "Things Parents Need to Know"

"What do you wish grown-ups knew?"

• Amy, age 3: "Everyday, please, cuddles and marshmallows, please!"

• Jerry, age 4: "When daddies get so mad their heads could blow up!  Singing makes your head blown up better!  Oh, also, we need stories, too!

• Annie, age 5: "They need to send my new baby brother back where he came from! He cries too much. Then they could play with me and we'd all be happy and Mommy would get to sleep with me... It's a lot of work to be a big sister. No one told me about this part. I'm pooped! My brother poops a lot. Yuk!"

• Alexi, age 5: "Little kids need grandpas. Mine comes back to see me sometimes, but I can't tell anyone."

When asked why she can't tell anyone, Alexi answered:   "I told them the first time he came after the 'funeraling' but they told me not to make things up. He really did come to see me and winked. It made me feel better.  Big people should believe you. Maybe grandpa would come see them, too, and then they'd feel better."

• Andy, age 8: "My dad shouldn't worry so much. I'm scared he'll get sick. I don't want to move, but it's O.K. with me if my dad doesn't have to worry about his job. My head hurts when he worries..."

• Marlee, age 10: "Moms should know when their kids are lonely and sad, like the boy in "Where the Wild Things Are."   Only we can't go away like he did. Moms need to throw away their phones.
  O.K., that's dumb. But they need to unplug it.   Moms need to rest, and not stress us out."

• Mary Jo, age 15: "I wish parents knew how hard we try to get good grades, and make them happy. When I get a 'B' they don't say anything, not like when I get 'A's."

"I worry I won't get into a good school, and then there'll be more fighting. I wish parents would just stop fighting. Or, at least remember their kids are listening. There should be a 'parent pill,' where they could learn to 'chill.'  That would be 'rad.'  Oh, also, I think dads should be nicer to the mother, even if they are divorced. It makes us feel bad when they are mean to our moms."

• Brad, age 14: "Dads should be more than tourists in our lives. I wish they knew we're not trying to give them a hard time.  O.K., so they probably think we're pushing them away. But we need to know they're there when things get dicey.  I wish they knew everything is moving too fast out there for us.
  I wish they knew they need to turn off the news. Like the Fort Hood massacre thing is terrible; hearing it over and over is too much."

• Jeremy, age 16: "I wish parents knew we worry about them. When they lose their job, we don't need to go to the big-buck places. It probably sounds 'cheesy,' but it would be awesome to just sit and just play board games, and have popcorn. That's cheap if you make it yourself."

Happy 100th Father's Day - Dads (and Granddads), You've Come A Long Way Baby!

We Never Know the Love of Our Parents for Us Till We Have Become Parents

Henry Ward Beecher

Forgive me folks!  Today's the first Father's Day for my first-born son. Kind of gives me pause.

Seeing him with his newborn son is a mix of joy & wow--being a Dad just seems to come naturally to him.  Is that really "my son?"  He's giving me advice about the proper diaper-changing-technique?

I've heard this from my friends whose sons are now Dads.  Sort of a thrilling surreal experience seeing your son become a father.

Times truly have changed.  Dads are confident full participants now--doctor visits, diaper changing, reading the child development books, doing baby laundry, whatever it takes--except for nursing.

***Oops! When I showed this to my husband he took a huge exception to my statement. 

"Hey, I did all that stuff, too!"  OK sure.  Definitely the diaper changing & laundry.  Don't remember doctor visits or seeing him reading Dr. Spock or Brazelton.  I still think it's different today.  More of an equal partnership rather than the traditional division of labor of years past.

Day One in the hospital the nurse hands the baby to my son & advises him to hold him on his chest: skin-to-skin.

"That's right!  Take your shirt off and hold him against your bare chest. Babies need that kind of bonding with their Dads, too."

I never gave it much thought until just now--reading Lisa Belkin's Father's Day Facts--but my traditional Dad from my 1950's childhood wasn't so far off the mark from today's New Age Dads. 

• He was home for us at lunch-time & after-school because he worked at home--upholstering furniture in his basement workshop.
• He gladly ironed our favorite blouses if we desperately needed one for school.
• He read to us daily--including the New York Times--and he always helped us study for school tests.
• We had no alarm clocks in our house.  Dad did the waking up duties.
• He knew what was going on with our school work.  Dioramas & costumes--he pitched right in.
• He sometimes helped out with grocery shopping and cooking--never minding a quick trip out to the store for missing ingredients.
• He was always loving and affectionate--in that 1950's Dad-kind-of-way--definitely not hugs & kisses 5 times a day like today's average dads.

From NPR's All Things Considered.  Three Books.  Good Dad, Bad Dad, and Something In Between by Stacy Saunders:

The Good Dad, Atticus Finch of "To Kill a Mockingbird"

Our good dad comes from Harper Lee's classic novel, To Kill a Mockingbird. It is 1935: The Depression is in full swing, Hitler is up to no good and in Maycomb, Ala., Scout and Jem Finch are learning the meaning of bigotry. Their father, a hardworking lawyer named Atticus Finch, is defending an innocent black man accused of raping a white woman.

When the children have to endure taunts about their father from classmates, he tells them to walk a mile in the other person's shoes. And every night, he is a comfortable chair for Scout to curl up in for a good read. Brave, wise and cozy — dads don't get any better than Atticus Finch.

When I saw Lisa Belkin's Motherlode Column this morning, I decided to share. 

Dads---You've Come A Long Way, Baby!  Happy Father's Day to All of You & Welcome Aboard to the New Ones!

---

June 19, 2009, 6:43 pm

Father’s Day Facts

By Lisa Belkin

To commemorate the 100th Father’s Day, a few measurements of Dad:

He is less interested than he used to be in staying home full-time.

CareerBuilder.com’s recent survey, which it calls “Working Dads 2009” polled 797 men with full-time jobs and children under the age of 18, and found that 31 percent “would leave their jobs if their spouse or significant other’s income could comfortably support the family.” That’s down from 37 percent from last year, and 49 percent in 2005. (The survey has a sampling error of 3.47 percent.)

Dads also say they are less willing to take a pay cut to spend more time with their children. (Thirty percent would still do so, down from 37 percent last year.) They are more likely to bring work home than they were a year ago (31 percent, up from 25 percent) and half have missed “a significant event in their child’s life in the past year due to work.”

He isn’t giving himself enough credit.

A “The State of Dad” report by the marketing firm Sullivan Higdon & Sink, which specializes in marketing to men, polled 150 fathers and 150 mothers and found that while 70 percent of the women think their partners are good fathers, only half of the men agree.

The survey (which has a sampling error of 5.7 percent) found a disconnect between what men and women see as the obstacles to being a “good” Dad. While 51 percent of men said “financial responsibilities” got in the way, only 36 percent of women gave that answer; and while 4 percent of women blamed “pop culture/media,” that answer was given by 32 percent of men.

He is more involved in his children’s education.

A survey by the National Center for Fathering and the National Parent Teacher Association, found that the percentage of Dads who bring their child to school increased 16 percent in the past ten years, while 11 percent more attend classroom events and visit their child’s classroom, and 8 percent more attend parent teacher conferences. Perhaps most striking, 20 percent more say they meet with other fathers for support.

There is still some room for improvement, though. Of the 1000 respondents, 74 percent answered “never” when asked how often they have lunch with their child at school; 54 percent never volunteer at their child’s school; and 39 percent never read to their child. (The margin of error is 3 percent.)

He is more openly affectionate than his own father was.

A Lever 2000 survey found that more than four out of five Dads who responded – 84 percent — “show more physical affection to their children than their parents did with them.” (78 percent of mothers say the same.) Fathers hug and kiss their children five times a day, on average, and more than 64 percent “admit to sneaking their sleeping kids a goodnight kiss, even at the risk of waking them up.”

The economy, the survey found is increasing family stress, but also family closeness. Of the 1018 respondents (the margin of error is 3.1 percent) 74 percent said financial worries have increased the level of anxiety in their family, but four out of five of those also say that one result is more family bonding. They report that they are now spending more time at home as a family (66%) and have learned to enjoy the simple things in life (65%), and realize that family is more important than money.

Speaking of money, we will be spending less on Dad this year.

The annual survey by the National Retail Federation found that the average being spent on Fathers Day gifts will be $90.89 this year, down from the $94.54 spent in 2008. But altogether we’ll still be spending $9.4 billion to celebrate Dad.

To anyone who is a father, would like to be a father, or ever had a father — Happy Father’s Day.