Photo credit: Chris Blakely
"I give myself over to at least three or four hours a day to what, for an old guy, is spontaneous free play. It could be reading or what I would call as extremely low-quality rogue tennis, hiking, playing with grandchildren. But, you know, if a day goes by and I haven't, at this age, had some sense of timelessness and freedom and purposelessness, I'll probably be kind of ratty by supper-time."
-Dr. Stuart Brown, physician, researcher, and founder of the Institute for Play. Read more about Brown here-
It's 12:32 pm & I'm still in my pajamas---and lovin' every minute of it.
Last night we had a scrumptious raucous dinner party for nine, and on this lazy morning I enjoyed coffee, chocolate oatmeal, & conversation with our weekend houseguest--the development director for a clean water non-profit organization. She's a smart savvy thirty-something mother of two with a full-time job and lots of travel on her plate. One busy lady.
She was a complete stranger to me on Thursday when we first met--but by Saturday morning she felt like family. As we chatted away this morning about kids, marriage, books, politics, values, coping with a myriad of distractions, the feeling-of-too-much-to-do-and-never-enough-time, healthy eating and lots more--Dr. Martin Seligman's VIA Survey of Signature Character Strengths suddenly popped into my head.
Update 10/21/12: I learned yesterday, after writing this post, that the VIA Survey of Signature Character Strengths was also co-authored by Christopher Peterson, PhD, a beloved professor of psychology at the University of Michigan. He died suddenly less than two weeks ago (10/9/12), at age 62, of an apparent heart attack. You can read more about Chris' impact on those he taught here: "What Will People Say When You Die?" In January 2013, his last book will be published, Pursuing the Good Life: 100 Reflections on Positive Psychology. Or watch a short video (5 mins.) of Dr. Peterson sharing his wisdom on how to become a more optimistic person--as well as his own nature.
Last week Dr. Ned Hallowell was crawling into my brain--and this morning, it's Dr. Marty Seligman. I'm beginning to see a pattern taking shape.
Turns out, our houseguest was an English major, just like me. No wonder we had so much to talk about! She loves ideas, books, quiet time alone to read, think, & walk outdoors. All of which, she has precious little time for in this particular season on her life. BTW, her "must read" book recommendation to me: Possession, by A.S. Bayatt. Has anyone, read it?
Now back to Marty Seligman & the whole point of this post:
Me: Have you ever heard of Dr. Martin Seligman's Signature Strengths Survey? I bet you'd find it interesting. It's this serious-yet-useful questionnaire (University of Pennsylvania--gives it cred) that pinpoints the strengths that are unique to us--and integral to feeling our happiest. It's meant to help us zero in on the kind of "stuff" we need to make time for in our lives if we want to be at our happiest. The kind of stuff that makes us feel most like our "authentic" selves.
Our Houseguest: Sounds interesting. When you track it down, please email it to me.
Fifteen minutes later, she was on her way, heading off on the next leg of her journey--a meeting that was 4 1/2 hours down the road.
I tracked down Seligman's Survey, and the three year old post I had written about it--and emailed it to her.
And then I re-read it!
It's a message I continually need to be reminded of. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
And now, on this Saturday, October 20th, I'm taking that three-year old post's message to heart.
It's been a hectic week. Four days in New York City for a fabulous wedding weekend. Then a week filled with long days at work, a too-late night watching Tuesday's presidental debate & recap, getting the house prepped (AKA "cleaned") for our guest, shopping, cooking, & hosting last night's dinner party in her honor. (Re the Friday night dinner party menu: Seriously, I will eventually post the guest-pleasing recipes. Spicy Sicilian Gluten-Free Lasagna with No-Oil Pesto; Creamy Balsamic No-Oil Salad Dressing; Grilled Peppers, Onions, & Italian "Sausage" Rice Salad; & Double Chocolate No-Oil Brownies with Raspberry Sorbet)
Don't get me wrong about the week. I'm not complaining. It's all been good.
But, I'm guiltlessly chillin' all day today. Doing only what I feel like doing!
Maybe some kitchen lab experiments. I've got two new recipes to try out from gourmet cook/restauranteur, Janet Elberti & two from the Grande Dame of plant-based cooking, Ann Esselstyn.
I've got 2 books I'd love to curl up with on the couch & read. Snuggled in an afghan.
And then find some time for catching up on 2 promising videos (here and here) & 2 podcasts (here and here) I haven't had a chance to watch or listen to yet.
Or maybe I'll chuck all those ideas, & just take a Saturday afternoon snooze, instead!
What's the betting I just piddle away the day doing absolutely nothing?
Revisiting October 17, 2009: Getting Back the Zest - I'm Taking Coach Caroline Adams Miller's Advice & Taking a Day Off to Play & Not Think
Saturday morning. Hooray. Not working. Not traveling. Nothing I must do or the sky will fall down.
I usually like to post a blog on Saturday morning--but since what I planned to write about would take some concentration, and some serious thought, I've changed my mind.
I haven't had much down-time lately, the skies are gray, it's cold outside, and it's time to listen to Coach Caroline Adams Miller's advice.
"When you're tapped out--when your brain is too full--or in a serious slump--the surefire recipe to get back into the game is to clear your mind and put some fun and zest back into your day--or life." (paraphrasing Coach Caroline)
It's going to be all play and purposeless piddling around for me today! And tonight -- It's going to be dancing to a playlist of classic rock & music from the 1950-70s - American oldies, British invasion and Motown. Woo Hoo!
You see, I just took the advice that Caroline Adams Miller gives to all her new clients. Take the VIA Signature Strengths Test and see where the value of ZEST lines up among your other signature strengths. I learned I have a serious ZEST problem. Out of 24 strengths, ZEST comes in as a paltry #16 on my scale. What a shocker! No wonder I'm feeling rather cranky. I'm way too serious.
Check Out My VIA Scores
(Doesn't sound like a party-girl to me!)
Top Strength: Love of learning
Second Strength: Curiosity and interest in the world
Third Strength: Gratitude
Fourth Strength: Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness
Fifth Strength: Perspective (wisdom)
No work for me today. Take the test yourself and see if you need to take the day off to play as well. This is a research-backed questionnaire out of Dr. Martin Seligman's prestigious Positive Psychology program at the University of Pennsylvania. To register & take the questionnaire (it will take about 10 minutes) click here and you'll find the VIA Survey of Character Strengths under Engagement Questionnaires. Don't miss it. I highly recommend registering on the site & taking the the survey. It's worth the time investment.
I'm a huge fan of Caroline Adams Miller and her recent essay on the importance of taking time out for play in order to recharge and get your groove back, is a must-read.
She was inspired to write it when she saw first-hand how her 14-year old son was able to speed his own recovery from a sports concussion when he took the concussion clinic doctor's advice: "Go home and "do not think"--just play!"
A Red Sox slugger David Ortiz, got similar advice when he experienced a serious slump!
Ortiz said Dave Magadan, Boston’s batting coach, had implored him to reduce the clutter in his mind.
“I guess I was worried more about that than basically the ballgame,” Ortiz said.
“Trying to get so ready and so prepared and when the game comes, there’s nothing there.”
"The New York Times recently ran an article about Red Sox slugger, David Ortiz, who entered a prolonged slump earlier this year, and reduced his spectacular hitting numbers to just one home run during a two-month spring stand.
Extra batting practice didn't help. The advice of friends and coaches didn't, either. Dissecting his swing and stance was a bust. And then Ortiz woke up one morning and decided to attack his game with the spirit of a happy, 12-year-old Little Leaguer who was playing for the sheer fun of it.
What Ortiz learned from his slump was that clearing your mind and having fun was the surefire recipe for relaxing, eliminating shoulder stiffness resulting from anxiety, and recapturing his love of the game.
Although researchers have cited play as one of the most critical characteristics in developing a youngster's brain, problem-solving abilities, executive functioning and imagination, we often forget as adults how important it is to play. I always ask my clients to take the VIA Signature Strengths test when we first start to work together because I want to see where the quality of "zest" lines up among the other 23 strengths, and when it's very low, I know I have a client who needs more play in his or her life.
I had this lesson reinforced unexpectedly when my 14-year-old son, Bayard, suffered a concussion in football practice in the weeks preceding the start of high school. Almost immediately he experienced swings of nausea, sensitivity to light and sound, an inability to read, and extreme sleepiness. He fretted about the fact that all of his peers were starting high school without him while he lay at home in a darkened room, trying to listen to books on tape and adjust to the "new normal" of his life.
He tried to conjugate French verbs. His head screamed in pain. He wrote a short paper for English class. The headaches were fierce. He went to talk to a therapist about how to deal with the varied fallout from the concussion and what it might mean for school, sports and other activities. He grabbed his head and pleaded with the therapist to stop talking because the questions were so thought-provoking that he couldn't tolerate what his brain was doing in response.
The concussion clinic doctors examined his regression on the baseline tests and ordered him to go home and "not think," so that's what he did. He watched sappy movies, sometimes the same one over and over. He organized his bookshelf and precious National Geographic magazines. He refused to indulge any thoughts that might make him sad or anxious.The following week his concussion assessment scores catapulted forward, all because he had decided to substitute fun and play for serious effort and concern. Although my son isn't out of the woods yet, he's back in school, just like Ortiz is hitting again.
Creating your best life sometimes means returning to a state of childlike innocence, and seeing the world as a fun and happy place, and not a place where we have to drag our depression and tension from activity to activity, stressing our brains in ways that we may not even be aware of.
In a similar vein, positive psychologists are trying to learn how to teach adults to raise their zest scores because of the high correlation between success, happiness and zest. A happy person is often a flourishing person, and if childlike enthusiasm is one of the tickets to get there, it behooves all of us to learn how to play better and more frequently.
One easy way to do this is to be around other zestful people, and to have a role model in having more fun. My grandmother was my primary "fun" role model. She skipped down the street in her sixties, wore ridiculous fluffy pink bathing caps in her seventies, and delighted in the silly games she played with me, challenging me to a round of golf in her eighties (she won) . As a direct result of her influence and her role-modeling not to take life so seriously, I sport multi-colored fingernails, drive an impractical canary-yellow car with a smiley face on the spare tire, and jump on the bed of every hotel I stay in.
I guess it's no surprise that zest is my number-three VIA trait, but I'm angling to get it up to number-one this year because my son's injury has shown me in vivid clarity how valuable it is to not take life so seriously, and why it's more important than I ever could have thought to live out the Sesame Street mantra: "Come and play, everything's A-okay!"'
